Maid of Honor questions

**my_funky_self** · 10-12-2011 11:19 AM

Hi there! I am new to this forum, and I apologize if this isn't quite the right spot for this question because it touches more than one subject, so to speak.

I am not engaged (though I have a very good feeling that it will be soon), but I have been thinking of weddings as of late because I've been to three of them in the span of 2-3 months. Anyway, my question is this:

Should I ever be in the position of choosing a maid of honor, who should it be?

Possibility 1:

I have a sister who is 13 years older than I, we get along very well, but we aren't the closest that we could be. She has always been there for me if I ever needed it, she has been a confidant on occasion, but despite all that, she and I aren't very close. She asked me to be her maid of honor of sorts when she got married, though her wedding was very informal and not traditional at all; I didn't have any of the duties a MoH would usually have.

Also, I am the last child of my immediate family to get married, and I want to have a more traditional wedding with the ceremony, the reception, speeches etc, as my brother's was a very simple one.

Possibility 2:

My best friend and I have known each other for 16 years. We did everything together. Shared our secrets, blabbered on about our crushes, cried together when our mothers where being unfair (woe was us

)... Although lately we haven't seen too much of each other, but we are still incredibly close and she probably knows me the best out of everyone.

Should I feel obligated to ask my sister to be my maid of honor (because she asked me to be hers and because she's my sister), even though I think she may have a bit of difficulty with the task (considering the closeness-factor and all the things she may have to do)? Or should I ask her to simply be a bridesmaid because I do really want to involve her? Or split the duties between the two (I've read about people who've had two MoHs)?

Any thoughts?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-14-2011 08:31 AM

Most people I know would pick sis, just because she's sis. My cousin picked her sis, even though she and I were much closer and she knew I'd be the one to plan everything. I didn't mind. I still held all the duties of MoH (which isn't all that fun btw...lol). I gave the toast even, because I had been around the couple so much and the sis hadn't.

I guess if you feel like you must have an MoH, splitting the duties could work. You could let sis know that you wanted her involved but due to the distance felt that someone else needed to be involved too.

**KMonte85** · 10-14-2011 08:56 AM

I've heard that a bride should pick who she feels she wants most as her right hand woman, not just pick someone out of duty. But it's usually not that easy...

We all know that the reason we feel we HAVE to have a sister is because of pressure from the family. And really, is it worth it to make your family mad over a couple hours in one day? Most likely your friend will 100% understand why you would pick your sister to be MOH. Would your sister (or the rest of your fam) be as understanding if you picked your friend as MOH? Only you know how much you would be burned for that decision.

I'm not one to tell anyone to bend to pressure, but in a case like this, since you and your sis have a good relationship anyway, it might just be easier and will make everyone happy of you have your sis as MOH, and have your friend as 2nd attendant and give her some of the duties you know your sis wouldn't be so great at doing.

**lizzardb63** · 10-14-2011 09:27 AM

You can always have more than one. That way you still have your best friend as Maid of Honor, but your sister also has no hurt feelings. Your friend would be your maid of honor and you sister your Matron of Honor. Nothing wrong with two. I've seen it before. I have also seen two "best-man" in a wedding, too. No rule that you can only have ONE.

**my_funky_self** · 10-16-2011 12:01 PM

Perhaps that is what I'll do, WH MODERATOR. Should the time come, I'll ask my sis if she wants to be the MoH and have her coordinate with my friend if she needs help with anything. As KMonte85 says, and I agree, I don't really think it is worth making my family mad over something like that. I mean, weddings are usually stressful enough as it is. Everyone should at least be on the same side!

I do have to say that lizzardb63's suggestion about the Maid and Matron of Honor idea is a really good one! I think everyone would be happy with that!

Thanks everyone for your ideas! I really appreciate the input!!