Thread: Bullying friend?

I have a friend who is the proverbial negative Nelly. There's only black and white and there is no telling them they are wrong and gawd forbid you disagree with them. Mind you I understand these are my friend's issues and I try to either ignore it or put the comments aside and just accept it for what it is. So in that regard it can be difficult to remain friends and ward off that negativity and disparagement.

I try to encourage my friend to strive for everything they deserve. I tell them they can "do it" if they just change their outlook a little. Unfortunately my words are often met with acerbic responses.Recently when I noted that I liked to try and be proactive as opposed to reactive, they insisted that I provide them with a list of things I've done to "make a difference". I was taken aback and could only manage a chuckle of disbelief. Why do I need to quantify myself to them I thought? You see no matter what I would have said this person would have found something negative to say in response. Either that or tell me that I was being sanctimonious (which is never the case I assure you. I'm just not like that.). It's a cycle that repeats frequently. Again, I know these are not my issues. Still, it can make the journey of being loyal to an old friend while simultaneously pursuing a path of positivity quite taxing.

This person does have a good heart but I am beginning to feel repelled by the stinging tongue and “expertise” on everything...and with everything always being about them no matter what the discussion is (it always comes back to them). :-(

With all that said, I have not heard from this person in a few weeks now. After sharing what I (et.al.) thought was an adorable photo of my pets, I essentially received a condescending scolding from my friend about me allowing my pets on my furniture. I didn’t respond as it would have been an exercise in futility. But again, I have not heard one word from them since they sent the nervy/snarky response to me. I am just stymied by the bullying controlling behavior. I have sent my friend several surprise gifts over the past year in order to try and cheer them up while they were going through various personal difficulties. Things have gotten a bit better for them and and now what I'm getting in return for my thoughtfulness is increasing animosity, in my opinion.

Have any of you ever had to deal with this kind of friend? I don’t know if I should just let it go and cease speaking until they decide they want to contact me or if I should contact them and tell them what I really think. If I do the latter I just know it will result in a defensive response and I find that exhausting and frustrating. I hate to let them go from my life but I can’t continue pretending that I don't mind their bullying sarcasm. This friend believes themselves to be "honest, cute & funny" (their self-description by the way). In reality though it’s more akin to being the “mean” person that lashes out to feel more secure about themselves (I think). They also constantly take photos of themselves and post them on FB and talk about how the opposite sex find them amazingly attractive, etc. (I know, insecurity issues.)

I really would love to hear some input. I honestly do love them and care about their well being but I can’t keep walking on eggshells about what I say, share, do and so forth. And again, this is someone who is okay with themselves telling you exactly what they think but if it is the other way around they explode with anger toward you. :-(

Truth be told I think my friend may have a personality disorder, though I would never DARE say that to them.