I just found out my boyfriend is bi

**Danbi** · 10-20-2011 07:28 PM

I meet my current boyfriend online about 3 years ago, it was a long distance relationship, we didn't start going out till the start of this year, the 1/1/11 and I moved in with him a few months ago. anyway we had a party and he invited his friend Adam that he has not seen in 6 years, when Adam and I where Alone he told me they use to date, but I didn't think much of it because he was high and drunk. Anyway a couple of weeks ago my bf let me use his iPhone because I wanted to google somthing and b g east come up a gay wrestling site, but I ignored it once again, untill this morning it was just eatting me up inside so I confronted him asked if he was gay and he was all like how can u acuse me of that. Then I brought up Adam and he's like no!! then i told him i found gay porn on his phone and he's like ok I'm bi I'm not gay. And I said do you still want to be with me, will this be enough for you, and he said yeah I still want you to be with me honestly i do. He then said he hates that side of himself and doesn't want anyone to know. And I then asked are you sure your Just bi? And he yes I'm sure. As we where taking about this I told him I loved him no matter what. Im just a little shaken up by this and dont know what to expect. I just feel like I have no1 to talk to and I need support.

**sallyskellington** · 10-20-2011 08:25 PM

I have dated many bi-guys in the past. I would't worry to much just keep communication open and don't be judgmental. I am sure he needs the support as much as you.

**pumpkinpieisgood** · 10-20-2011 11:58 PM

You need to be there for him. Sexuality shouldn't matter, but because of the way society is, it does to a lot of people. I can understand why he didn't tell you about it; he's embarrassed and he feels like he doesn't have anyone to turn to. You shouldn't hold what he's done in the past against him, and you shouldn't let the fact that he also like guys bother you. If you were bi, would you want him to criticize you all the time about feeling an attraction towards women?
I know you love him. Even though this might be overwhelming for you since you didn't know about it earlier on in the relationship, because you care about him, you need to accept it and support him. It's not like he's cheating on you with another guy, or even another girl. This is just who he is, and neither of you should let it get in the way of what you have.
You also need to let him know that he doesn't need to hate himself for it. It's who he is, and if anything, he should embrace it! Everything is going to be okay. And if he likes to watch gay porn, don't be mad at him. It doesn't mean he'd rather jerk off to guys than be with you; it's just something that turns him on, and it's not like he can help it. Unless it gets to the point where he prefers watching it rather than being intimate with you, you don't need to worry. Love and support each other no matter what happens!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-21-2011 08:45 AM

I don't think his sexuality is the issue here. I think it's the destruction of trust he has created by not being honest with you about who he truly is. Someone you've been with for 3 years, sleep with, share your life with, let you find out something THIS major through someone else and gay websites. When you all decided to become serious and exclusive, this should've been something he told you. Or had been honest about from the beginning. It's like finding out 3 years in that he has a child, or that he's been divorced 5 times, etc etc. It's a shameful way to have a relationship .... because you're not giving the person you're with a fair chance to even know who you are, much less make an informed decision on whether or not you're someone they want to be with.

I know I know....love and support...don't judge...etc etc etc. That all sounds great, until you're with someone that hides something major from you for years. It sounds great until all of a sudden you've lost the trust you had in that person...until you're questioning who this person even really is.

Like I said, not an issue of sexuality here in my opinion. It's an issue of trust.