Open Relationship?

**LRayray** · 11-04-2011 11:13 AM

Hey! I am in need of some serious advice on my relationship

A little background – My name is Rachael, I’m 23 and I don’t want to use his real name so let’s just say “Bob” is his name. We met about 5 years ago through a mutual friend. We first started dating 4 years ago. It was very serious very quick. We had serious feelings for each other early on. We moved in together and things were fine for a while. We had our ups and downs but nothing serious till about a year ago.

We had just moved into a new place, it was summer and a lot was going wrong. No need to explain, but he decided he wanted to go on a “break” he said just a few months for us to take some time away from each other and find out who we are as individuals. I was heartbroken, but understood where he was coming from and went along with it, 7 months later we were back together.

Things were great… For about 5 months, we then decided together that we just weren’t happy. We then went our separate ways, but were never able to “let each other go”

Lately it seems like were still in a relationship. We see each other everyday, Sleeping over at each others houses, going out together, sex and we still say ‘I love you’. We have had many conversations with what our relationship is, we have decided we both love each other, and in the end want to end up together, but right now we want to be single. We are both aware that each of us has ‘been’ with somebody else.

This is where I'am at. Most days I can handle what we are and am okay with it. I have my flings and he has his, we know they mean nothing and at the end of the day love each other. I am willing to wait until he is ready and I know soon one day we will be together, But how do I handle the bad days, the jealousy and sometimes the pain?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-04-2011 02:06 PM

What was the few months like without each other? On his side....

Knowing each other for ever, being together from such a young age is really hard to let go of, you tend to keep falling back together, it's comfort, it's all you know, and there is a large bond there between you both...

A fling is just a fling, dating someone and falling for them, is more likely what you may be frightened of that could occur in the future...More so on his side, as women can be clever in catching a man, yet a woman also has alot of emotions and when in love, would never let that occur, a fling is just a fling.

If you both "truly" believe that you really deeply love each other, nothing will ever get in the way of that.

On the other hand it could be that your journey is over and the love / bond is forever in a different way and you both are missing out on finding really, "the one" that you have now and forever.

What I am saying is, neither can move on if that is what is meant to be, handling life like this... Nor can you bring it back to where it should be, living in the comfort zone.

Go your own ways, enjoy life, experience life, dating, flings what ever comes your way that you are comfortable with. To me the only way to honestly know how strong that love is, is to not be able to have it and to come to the realisation that you don't want anything else / anyone else in your life anymore, only that person.

I can't see that happening unless you break the mould.

**LRayray** · 11-04-2011 02:13 PM

Answering your question, how was it when we were apart, he always contacted me first. We missed each other alot and it just didnt feel right. We have both tried to not contact one another and it never works out. We always seem to fall back into whatever were doing. Like i said sometimes i can deal with it, and then there are those days where i just want to let him go. I can never seem to find the power to. And When asking him to let me go, he can never do it either?...

**Darling** · 11-04-2011 05:21 PM

Wow I feel like your telling my story. My ex and I were just like that. We were young, he was all I knew, we were great in the beginning, but we grew apart. Started fighting, a lot. I was very unhappy when in a relationship with him, yet when we were apart I was even worse. Bc I hated being alone and without him. Every time we got back together it was great for a short time then all the problems would come back. He was abusive in the end. Finally we parted ways. I went a little wild at first. Then I got a moment of enlightenment turned away from my ways. And when I least expected it I fell in love. Real love.

I swore that when we broke up I would never be able to trust or love any man. I thought my heart was broken. But it wasn't my heart it was being free. A feeling I hadn't felt in years. It's scary letting go but if its the right thing for you then its the right thing to do. Staying in this relationship could be keeping the love of your life away. Don't give up your chance for true love bc your afraid of being alone, or having to hurt. Your hurting already, he is like your drug, and your trying to come clean but its too hard. Don't go back to him just bc its hard. You can do it!