He said i should have defended him. I disagree.

**attagirl28** · 11-19-2011 05:20 PM

Robby, my boyrfriend, and i have been dating for about a month and he has already gotten in a fight with a guy aquaintance. I will admit things are happening fast between us but im trying to just let my self feel what i feel and not

**caterpillar79** · 11-19-2011 05:32 PM

Sweetie, your post was cut or for some reason, incomplete. Please get back to us with more details.

**attagirl28** · 11-19-2011 05:47 PM

Robby, my boyrfriend, and i have been dating for about a month and he has already gotten in a fight with a guy aquaintance.
After we first got together he looked on my facebook page and had seen a post from a guy (jesus), it was a response to one of those "like my status and ill tell you blah blah blah" things that i had liked.
When he text me and asked me who Jesus was out of the blue, i thought he was refferring to my ex boyfriend from 7th grade whom im still friends with. So i told him he was my ex, but we are still friends. He threw a fit and said he was flirting with me via FB. My ex doesnt have a FB and thats when i realized he was talking about my aqcuatance Jesus. And i quickly told him he wasnt flirting with me.
He said he believed me but then went and freind requested Jesus just to ask him if "he was my ex". Then he told me Jesus had asked him to be friends.
A week later he got in a argument over FB with Jesus out of nowhere and he started accusing me of liking this guy and "being all over his nutts" and that jesus was saying i would leave robby for him any second. He said i was being sneak with this guy. (Everything said was a complete miscommunication due to my BF's thick headedness) The whole time he was threatening to beat jesus up and i kept telling him not to because 1) robby is 19 and jesus is 17. 2) i would break-up with him. I was also asking Jesus to please just leave robby alone but Jesus kept saying that if robby wanted a fight he'd found it and it was too late.
we sorted everything out no violence needed but he thinks i should have defended him because if the roles would have been switched he would have told his girl aqcuatance to back off. But my thing is that i dont feel like i should have defended him when he is attacking a guy out of nowhere that really isnt a factor in my life, simply someone i say hi to at school.
Should i have defended my BF? Even if it was stupidity?

PS sorry about the first post IDK what happened.

**caterpillar79** · 11-19-2011 05:58 PM

I think this is a simple miscommunication. I don't see where you could "defend" your bf in the scenario described other than explain to him what the extent of your relationship is with "Jesus". You can have a chat with both guys face-to-face to tell them where you're at and how you feel for each of them so that both know their place in your life. Other than that, I think your BF is just being a child.

**attagirl28** · 11-19-2011 06:17 PM

Well Jesus knows he isnt a factor in my life, we're barely friends, thats why i feel like he feels like he got blindsided. I guess im just worried that my boyfriend will do this again plus he's one of those people that has selective hearing and only hears what he wants so no matter how many times i told him that "there was/is nothing between us. the only reason im getting mad is because your getting angry at my friend, anyone could be in his shoes right now and id still be mad at you" all he hears is that i mad at him. and when i get frustrated i start crying (terribly annoying) and i cant say what im thinking. Every thing stopped between robby and jesus but between me and robby we ended the whole situation in a stalemate because i was crying and he felt bad.

**caterpillar79** · 11-19-2011 06:23 PM

Have some time off and just let it be for now. Obviously, both of you need to learn how to communicate better. You are still young and have much to learn in this department. Learn to let this go and when you are both calm, you'll be able to talk this through without escalating.

Some people have selective hearing, and in that case, you just have to learn letting go. For a relationship to work, who's right and who's wrong doesn't matter. What matters is how you navigate and negotiate when the going gets tough.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-20-2011 01:56 AM

I think Jesus is wondering what the is your boyfriend doing?

It's been a month and he acted like a non-trusting, jealous boyfriend.

In addition telling you, you should have defended him, meaning you should have said to Jesus, "yeah Jesus Robby is right, you are flirting cut it out I have a boyfriend" is 1) jealousy and wanting to "know" you are his, and 2) a bit controlling over you.

So you have an insecure, controlling, jealous boyfriend.

You can either make him feel comfortable you are with him, be astute and "tell him" you either trust me or don't but never doubt me again, so you show you know how to stand your ground or consider where this relationship may go if he can not accept he actually over reacted and dissed a "friend" on your facebook which belongs to you, he's welcome to look but not to act like a complete jerk and bully your friends out of what seems, as I said jealousy, fear.

You come across to me as if you are really not sure about him and you?

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-20-2011 09:57 AM

Social Media can wreak havok on an insecure relationship, that being said... if you have only been with this guy a month, he really has no right to tell you anything about anyone that talks or flirts with you -- 1. You have no control over what other people do or say, only how you react to it. But to play devils advocate here, if you guys are already 'serious'... have already declared you are not going to be with others.. it could be hurtful to have someone flirting with you and you just letting them ramble on and by that I mean.. not deleting the comment, removing the friend, or asking them to chill out you are with someone and it aint going to happen.

Basically it goes both ways. If the other guy is irrelevent, it can make your main guy feel SUPER irrelevent that you will sit by and let some one that doesn't even matter 'embarass him'.. and by that i mean, flirt openly with his chick for all to see.

This could be an early sign of him being a jealous controlling bf that you need to steer clear of, or it could be the sign of a guy that is into you and is a tad insecure that wants to be shown a little more reassurance that you are not looking for another.

**Little** · 11-20-2011 11:45 AM

From what I'm reading, you DID tell your acquaintance to back off. You asked him to leave your bf alone. I imagine that Robby is just mad that you didn't do it in a public way that would make him look like a big, strong, protective man. He sounds incredibly insecure, as others have mentioned.

He also sounds violent and a little dangerous. He was threatening to commit assault on a minor, and for a reason that is beyond silly, IMO. Where does his selective hearing and violence stop? Obviously he doesn't listen to you when you're upset, which is bad news for a relationship. Would he even listen to you if you broke up?

I agree with you that anybody could have been in Jesus's spot in this. What if it was your mom? What if it turns into you who gets constantly blindsided? I'm a grown woman and I'd cry if my man did something as embarrassing and worrying as this!