Are you honest when someone asks you why you broke up?

**Magnetism** · 11-27-2011 01:37 AM

If someone tries to dig deep into why your relationship ended, do you tell them matter of fact why or do you keep it to "It didn't work out."

I'm trying my best to maintain boundaries by just saying we weren't compatible or it just won't work out in the long run. But, I had a few people ask more questions like "What was it about him? Was he a slob or what?", and I felt compelled to answer. I simply said my ex-partner had a controlling personality and that I just couldn't be in that type of relationship.

But, when I told them the truth, I felt over-exposed. Given a recent experience, I don't want to come off as playing victim or bad-mouthing my ex. For some reason, I think people won't understand or think something is wrong with me if I tell them what happened in my most recent relationship (such as him not wanting me to exercise, cook or feel a certain way).

Do people really judge you poorly if you tell them the facts of why you broke up? Is it socially acceptable? I know my close friends understand though and support me, because they've met my ex and they got their own impressions of his personality....so they weren't surprised in the end when I told them.

**Crystalblue** · 11-27-2011 10:15 AM

I think people are naturally curious about relationship gossip. It's why the tabloids do so well. Lol. Information like that should be kept with people you want to tell or talk to about it with. I think people just lose their self control sometimes and ask questions that are more personal than they realize. You could always try to politely refuse, tell them you don't feel comfortable talking about it, or just keep your answers general. Say you wanted different things.

**Aeryn Sun** · 11-27-2011 11:16 AM

Do people really judge you poorly if you tell them the facts of why you broke up?
They can. It really depends on the person asking(some people are concerned for you, others are nosy), and your reasons if and HOW you share them.

If they ask and you say, he was gaining weight and I can't date a fat person...well yes, they may judge you on being shallow.
If you say he was no longer maintaining a level of commitment to things that you hold important, it's vague enough to answer the question but not enough to say what he was not committing himself to.

Is it socially acceptable?
I guess it would depend on your social circle. In my social circle, we do not talk about the intimate details of our personal relationships, this includes the amazing and not so amazing moments.
Is in common? Yes, I do see and hear a lot of people opening up a lot of intimate details of their life. If that is what they are comfortable with, fine. If you don't share it, no one can hold it against you. It's your choice.