Something has me upset, but he thinks its silly?

**Raina** · 12-02-2011 09:09 PM

Today, me and Bear were grocerie shopping. This was out 2nd attempt because the first one was interrupted by his job, so we had to leave and finish up at another store. His job has him on call 24/7, it dies down in the evening/night though.

So he gets a text and even states aloud, "Wonder why shes going through my Facebook pictures, she hasn't talked to me in years" The highschool friend of his comments on his nice photo stating that shes never seen him dress so nicely. I have no problem with this, Bear looks good.

He responds, nothing out of the ordinary and then she asks him "please message me". Red flag in my head.

This girl hasn't talked to him in a good number of years, hasn't said anything to him...nothing. This doesn't set well in my mind now.

Before we even finished going down the isle we were in I come to find out, because Bear told me, that her husband was leaving her because she was pregnant with another child. Yet, another red flag in my mind. So I try to block all of this out and it only boils my blood that 1: Hes lolly gagging on the phone while we were shopping for food while he had the chance (which can be interrupted at any time) and 2: An old friend all of a sudden wants to talk to you after finding out her husband is going to leave her.

I tried talking to him about it but he tells me, "Nothing happened with us back then, we were just friends, nothing more."

Now, he keeps saying, "You believe any woman that talks to me wants in my pants". What? Hes a good looking man.....hes had a wild sex life with other women and I've not had much of one myself. Even if, IF, she is just looking for support or sympathy, I don't feel he owes it to her. Years of time to talk to someone and only decides to do it when their life starts going to , they didn't care before then.

I feel right in my emotions. I am PMSing.

**caterpillar79** · 12-03-2011 11:01 AM

How far is the girl to you guys? Nah, its irrelevant - if the guy wants it, he'd go get it or vice versa. This FB/social networking thing is a double-edged sword and one has to treat it with respect or else it'd wreak havoc in relationships.

Sign #1: Bear showed you the message and told you about her - that's good, he's transparent.
Sign#2: He reassured you of his loyalty, when he told you more about her.

Transparency is very good. But the thing is my next...has he introduced the two of you and stated, this is my better-half, etc...maybe you, two can talk, plan a day of shopping together, etc...

Feel your emotions and watch them pass....you are a beautiful woman, you owe it to yourself, dear. Pamper yourself...go soak in a warm bath water with some mint extracts.

**lizzardb63** · 12-03-2011 03:41 PM

You also need to remember that just because this girl contacted your boyfriend, doesn't mean he is going to get involved with her. That also does not mean her intensions are to get in his pants either. Perhaps she has a question to ask him or maybe your boyfriend knows her husband or the man she's pregnant with. I can understand how this can be upsetting and make you a little nervous, it would make me nervous too, but definately keep into consideration that he told you about it right away and was very up front. That says a lot. It sounded like he was as surprised as you were, which would indicate that he hasn't had any other contact with her.

In this case, I would take his word for it and give him the benefit of the doubt, but you can still express to him that it makes you a little uncomfortable if he were to continue speaking with her after not speaking for years.

**Raina** · 12-03-2011 04:00 PM

He hasn't mentioned me to her period. The whole thing threw me out of whack and I went to check the conversation. He just mentioned how much he been working and that was it. I also found out that he some-what lied. They dated for like 2 weeks or so back in the day, a lie is a lie and they hurt all the same. I've made it clear to him before that I am much more understanding and things when its the truth, no matter how painful. He knows nothing of the man shes with. After she stated her problems she went straight to asking him about his recent changes and then quickly went to saying they should hang out some time and she gave him her number. Whether or not he wrote it down, I don't know.

This whole thread post makes me look like I can't stand him having lady friends. Its not that. I can't stand him being friends with Ex's where hes had sexual relations with, I'm sure I'm not the only women out there who feels right in that. I also don't like being told they were just friends when (even if it were for just a short 2 weeks) they did have a relationship, sexual or not.

Soaking myself in a tub of hot water and bubbles is how I calm down now-a-days and hes picked up on it. Now I get him coming into the bathroom whilst I'm nekkid in the tub asking me whats wrong, Lol.

Also, he now wants to deactivate his Facebook since it caused a problem. I don't want him to do that really. I love the thought, I do. However, I enjoy leaving cute and loving messages on his page for the world to see. <3

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-03-2011 04:11 PM

You have to trust in a relationship, until that trust is broken...And with that, evidence is the only way trust can be broken.

No point, second guessing, wondering, accusing mentally that there may be a lie

However, having said that, so she commented on his photo, he replied, she said PM me please or call me, and then he advised about her husband leaving her?

Did he show you the replies? Did she then text him back saying, yeah my husband is leaving me because I am having a child to someone else, can you pm me?

Just curious

Because "bear told me" ..... could imply that he's been speaking to her before that time....if the above did not occur.

**Raina** · 12-03-2011 10:18 PM

Conversation goes as:

Him: U asked me to message u?

Her: yeah wanting to catch up

Him: Oh whats been goin on?

Her: a lot im a single mother of 2 and exspecting another
my kids dad left me 2 days after finding out i was preg again

Him: Oh wow im sorry

Her: its kool
its happens

*They talk about the kids, how old they are and the kids names and where they are living before the rest goes:*

Her: i tried leaving state but it didnt wrk k enough bout me tell me bout u

Him: Thats cool

Her: lets here bout ur life

Him: Lol dont really have a story
Ive worked everyday all day

Her: u have kids yet?

Him: I travel now for a job im a driver manager for a roadside assistance company
Lol not yet

Her: thats sounds like a great job and that good 4 u dont have kids
lol

Him: Lok I want kids tho

Her: your too youg wait until you can make a life for yourself

Him: Lmao

Her: thats not funny lol

Him: im not to young people might think im younng but im not i have the mindset of a 30 year old i am way to responsible to be young haha

Her: sure u are i remember when we were in school u were childish in a good funny way
u there

Him: Lol yea sorry I was makin food lol and yea I was childish then but not anymore haha

Her: how old r u now

Him: About to be 20

Her: i am 20

Him: Cool

Her: it is b 21 in 2 months

Him: Really nice haha

Her: yep yep we should hang out sum time
heres my num txt or call if u want * REMOVED PHONE NUMBER* u there still? im bord

Him: Ill textbya in a bit lol yes im still here talkin on fb off of phone doesnt make a notification sound when I get a message

Her: o ok that makes since

Him: Lol

Her: just noticed that u were talking to me from ur fone

Him: Haha
Yup

Her: im a blond remember lol

Him: Yea me too

Her: true dat

Him: Haha so what else has been goin on?? OH btw I seen NAME OF FRIEND at the cavesprings lanes about 3 years ago

Her: who?

Him: She was like ur bestie in high school

Her: o So-AND-SO sister?

Him:Yea
Lol

Her: got ya
how is she doin

Him: Idk I saw her 3 uear sss ago I didnt say anything it was more like a holy shot I know her thing

Her: So true

***END OF CONVERSATION***

**lizzardb63** · 12-04-2011 07:09 AM

It sounds like honest conversation to me. Nothing bad...but I would just want to know why he didn't mention you.

**Raina** · 12-04-2011 07:43 AM

Originally Posted by lizzardb63

It sounds like honest conversation to me. Nothing bad...but I would just want to know why he didn't mention you.

As would I. Maybe it was the lack of mentioning me that has me mostly bothered? I'm sure if he had mentioned me I wouldn't be nearly as bothered with it as I was/am.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-04-2011 08:45 AM

Raina, well... I really wouldn't worry about him wanting to persue something with her I mean.. she sounds like she has a lot going on right now that not a lot of men would sign up for until the woman has gotten herself together a bit. 2 kids and one on the way? Fresh break up? She has lots of healing to do before she's ready for a new relationship but it sounds like shes doing all the wrong things -- reaching out to men for comfort. I think your man is likely flattered by her attention, in my opinion... maybe feels bad for her situation -- but I seriously, seriously doubt he's thinking: cha-ching! she's single now yay, nows my chance!

Know what I mean? It sucks when guys get snowed into being some womans 'hero' emotional, financial or physical... the whole damsel in distress thing is something a lot of men can't see through. Especially when its a guy we care about. But to be honest, anything you say will come off insecure or jealous because if you think about it rationally... you know if he's going to stray, it likely won't be in that direction.

I know I don't want my boyfriend signed up to be some other womans shoulder to cry on... mostly because there are too many woman that use that as a tactic rather than actually needing a shoulder. But as long as their exchange was just that a conversation and he doesn't become her 'go to' person for all her drama, I think you can just relax and try not to let it get under your skin.

In relationships, you pick your battles, you draw your lines of acceptability... so its really up to you if you don't like this or not, but if it were me... this wouldnt be one I'd start a fight over.