Thread: How to maintain the highest degree of decency with the woman I am in love?

Are you asking how to approach her for sexual intercourse?

Suntan,
Did you give up on your Monkhood ? Have you chosen to live a Buddhist life that includes the allowance of marriage ?

If so and you have found someone you are attracted to, it is best to start out slowly. to date and do things together, learn about each other, likes and dislikes, share walks and talks.

In order not to offend her or hurt her, I would hold her in the highest regard. respect and honor her . Remember that since you have not "had sex " as you claim, that it will be your first relationship and it should be special.

This woman you claim to love, is not deserving of you just " practicing your lust " on. She is deserving of commitment and declaration of your love, maybe waiting for your wedding night in order to make love and consummate your marriage.

It is good that you want to be gentle and are wanting to treat her right. But these past few weeks you seem to have Sex on your mind above Intimacy . It would behoove you to take it slow, to court her, to learn all you can about pleasing a woman and making Love to her, rather than just " having Sex ".

Sweet gentle kisses, deep loving looks,maybe some light foreplay to start with ( after a few dates ). No Grouping or clumsy advances .

Even though you say you are a Virgin, you do not want to come off as some young teenager,that knows nothing but to " put it in ". That is not making Love, that is "rutting" like an animal.. You also do not want to come off as a " rapist " one that takes without regard or permission or not giving back the pleasure.

If this woman that you Love is also a Virgin, you will not want to use her for your pleasure , if you truly Love her, you will not want to take her Virginity just to Satisfy your Lust. You will Respect her and Woo her and show her how much you Love her the Person, not just her the "Woman's Body ".

If you wish more Sexual Experience before finding a woman to Love and Cherish thru your lifetime. There are " women" that have that ability, to teach you or give you what you desire in learning about Sex. Though they will expect to be paid and they will not expect Love and Commitment.

I am hoping that the " friend " that left the Computer at your place of " Worship/ Living " has a Porn block on it, so as that you do not see Pornography as a " Teaching Video " for Virgins, Yourself or your First Partner.


I am not recommending that you use that path, and if you do, use a Condom to protect yourself and any future partners. But I would also take " Classes/ Instructions" from a Professional, Pay the extra to learn, Pay attention, ask to please her, not just " Rutt ".

If you cannot imagine paying to learn about Sex that women like, then I would simply not think about Using your First Woman you Love for Sex Practice. Unless you both Marry and Learn together ..

Originally Posted by BabyGirl

Suntan,
Did you give up on your Monkhood ? Have you chosen to live a Buddhist life that includes the allowance of marriage ?

If so and you have found someone you are attracted to, it is best to start out slowly. to date and do things together, learn about each other, likes and dislikes, share walks and talks.

In order not to offend her or hurt her, I would hold her in the highest regard. respect and honor her . Remember that since you have not "had sex " as you claim, that it will be your first relationship and it should be special.

This woman you claim to love, is not deserving of you just " practicing your lust " on. She is deserving of commitment and declaration of your love, maybe waiting for your wedding night in order to make love and consummate your marriage.

It is good that you want to be gentle and are wanting to treat her right. But these past few weeks you seem to have Sex on your mind above Intimacy . It would behoove you to take it slow, to court her, to learn all you can about pleasing a woman and making Love to her, rather than just " having Sex ".

Sweet gentle kisses, deep loving looks,maybe some light foreplay to start with ( after a few dates ). No Grouping or clumsy advances .

Even though you say you are a Virgin, you do not want to come off as some young teenager,that knows nothing but to " put it in ". That is not making Love, that is "rutting" like an animal.. You also do not want to come off as a " rapist " one that takes without regard or permission or not giving back the pleasure.

If this woman that you Love is also a Virgin, you will not want to use her for your pleasure , if you truly Love her, you will not want to take her Virginity just to Satisfy your Lust. You will Respect her and Woo her and show her how much you Love her the Person, not just her the "Woman's Body ".

If you wish more Sexual Experience before finding a woman to Love and Cherish thru your lifetime. There are " women" that have that ability, to teach you or give you what you desire in learning about Sex. Though they will expect to be paid and they will not expect Love and Commitment.

I am hoping that the " friend " that left the Computer at your place of " Worship/ Living " has a Porn block on it, so as that you do not see Pornography as a " Teaching Video " for Virgins, Yourself or your First Partner.


I am not recommending that you use that path, and if you do, use a Condom to protect yourself and any future partners. But I would also take " Classes/ Instructions" from a Professional, Pay the extra to learn, Pay attention, ask to please her, not just " Rutt ".

If you cannot imagine paying to learn about Sex that women like, then I would simply not think about Using your First Woman you Love for Sex Practice. Unless you both Marry and Learn together ..

Thank you so much for your great advice and in fact I have never talked to anybody at this length and never got a better advice and I feel really indebted to you for all this. I am now going through a series of transformations and my mind or brains is working exhaustively today. I am still a monk, but I am faking the monkhood and draped still in monkish garments I am a lover, a romantic. I confess now. I cannot give up the monkhood as we are not that free the way freedom is understood in the west and if I leave the monastic life I will have to live reclusively and will be socially and culturally an outcaste or proscribed. In fact Buddhism or monkhood is an ideology and all ideologies are external to us and the reality we all have to deal with is our urges, sexual or romantic since we are biological beings too with a pond of hormones and they will not dry up by chanted Buddhist Sutras. Many monks are therefore living their two lives. One they keep to the society they belong to as a yellow-robed spiritual being, the other is a biological being with their physical / sexual organ and that they keep to themselves or to their lovers. That is why there are gays and lesbians and some are even pedophilic.

Your question is justifiable and I must go away from the life of monastery if I want to marry. I do not and in fact cannot marry now though I may after a few years, yet I want to have the taste of life, romance, sex, love and orgasm and it is not possible in the monastic life.

I want to learn from women and I want a woman Guru to teach me and share their experiences and yet we are not free to come across consultants or any other women who choose to share with me their bodies and experience since we cannot access them. I can come across ladies at times as we are considered Holy Gurus and women flock to us for some moral instructions or something like that