im not sure he was the one, but it still hurts :(

**wishy0uwerehere** · 12-19-2011 04:59 PM

my boyfriend of one year and i just broke up last night. we had had an amazing relationship for the first 6 months, but after that (neither of us were very good at relationships) it started going downhill. we were still madly in love, but we had trouble not being insecure or letting go and being vulnerable. we just kind of beat the relationship into the ground over the next few months after that. we broke up last night...he told me he loved me so much, but he felt guilty hanging out because over the past month he had just kind of lost the "good" feeling. he still loved me, but he was always scared of what fight would come next and stuff like that. it did a lot of damage to his self esteem and confidence in the relationship. but i do know he still loves me, and he said "i was just never JOLTED back into that good feeling. maybe this will do it for me. i dont expect you to wait around, but if i get that feeling back, i will try to win you back." and that was just so painful because now theres that hope there. this has nothing to do with him wanting to date other girls or anything. its just that we beat the %&*$# out of each other and it took a toll on him and his ability to be happy. anyway, as much as i loved him, i wasnt POSITIVE that he was the one. i wondered why we fought so much and why our personalities just sometimes clashed. but this is still so painful

this is the first adult relationship ive ever had, so ive never dealt with an adult breakup. its horrible. if anyone can give me any advice, please

**lizzardb63** · 12-20-2011 03:04 PM

I do not doubt that it hurts, even if you weren't sure if he was the one. Breakups are tough. If you were fighting that much and beating each other up (figuratively speaking I hope!) then it was probably for the best that you take a break. Sometimes a break apart can be what you need in order to figure things out, but then a lot of times, once you've had enough time apart you realize that it just wasn't meant to be. No matter what, you've learned something about relationships and about yourself. I went through a really hard breakup about 2 years ago, and I wouldn't have changed a thing. I learned so much about myself throughout the relationship, through the breakup, and through dating again.

Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes it sucks, but usually you see the reason why down the road. If things work out, that would be great, but just remember that being in an bad relationship isn't where you want to be either. Keep your chin up sweetie! If it's meant to be, it will be (Cliche I know, but it's true).

**Lovelovelove92** · 12-20-2011 06:33 PM

Just remember hun, if it's meant to be it WILL happen, but if not, that just, means there is someone out there better for the both of you.

**wishy0uwerehere** · 12-21-2011 08:24 AM

i understand everything youve both said, and thank you. its just hard to look back because im afraid that we had a great love, but we just took it for granted. i think we are victims of bad timing. his job life is horrible right now and that affected his attitude which affected me, and im a senior in college who has her own stress which affected him. i just wish there was a way for me to be able to see if we were destined to fail anyway because we arent right for each other, or if we were right but we just effed it up because we are both too young and stupid

**lizzardb63** · 12-21-2011 09:36 AM

The only the thing that will tell you that is time. If you're meant to be together, fate will bring you back together. That's the truth.

**Lovelovelove92** · 12-22-2011 05:38 PM

Well in my own opinion on the matter I feel the only way to have a chance at a good relationship is for you both to be financially stable, to know or have an idea on where you're going in life and time.