Boyfriend acting shady

**Ives** · 12-20-2011 02:43 PM

Hi everyone! I've been with this guy for two years now. Some background info on us - My current bf and I were never friends before our relationship started. We knew each other through mutual friends but the most we communicated was to say hi if we bumped into each other. I was dating my ex for four years before my current BF. When my ex and I broke up, I was out with friends and my current BF was there and we spent more time talking and from there, continued to talk daily. After a couple weeks, we began dating. Our relationship, from the start, has been far from perfect. Near the beginning, I was unfaithful during one event where I was intoxicated and though I understand it's no excuse, it's been over a year and a half and I have not repeated the same behaviour. He told me he forgave me (it was only a kiss, not sexual intercourse that I did when cheating) and I really have worked incredibly hard to build my trust back. In my opinion, I've become a much better person and GF. However, he fails to recognize this and he constantly puts that situation on my back when we argue. He mentions my ex very often in our conversations and uses some things from my past against me from before I even got with him. Before the night where I cheated, he was much more open about things. He expressed feelings in a better way and overall acted better towards me. As time has progressed, he's become much more secretive. He does not let me onto his account on the computer, but rather makes me go on the Guest account. On top of this, he will not sign me into his social networking websites even if it does not involve telling me the password. He does not allow me to see his phone (texts, BBM) too. Now, keep in mind, I do not ask him to see these things often at all. I might bring it up once every couple of months and he totally freaks out. If he asked to see any of mine in exchange, I would see that as completely fair and would be more than happy to show him at any given time. However, even when I propose this idea to him, he firmly says no. I'm wondering what all of this could mean? I've also noticed that his language towards me when we are in an argument has become extremely disrespectful and he makes less time for me in comparison to before. One last point - when I attempt to talk to him about things that upset me he tells me to stop whining and completely disregards it. I'm not sure what is going on anymore... Any advice would be great!

**lizzardb63** · 12-20-2011 02:52 PM

First of all, he shouldn't talk to you in any disrespectful way, whether you're arguing or not and should not tell you to "stop whining." When you're in a relationship you have to work through things with the other person instead of just dismissing how they feel about things. Second, I cannot blame you for feeling a little confused by his behavior. If it were me, I'd suspect that he is cheating. I am not saying that he is, but someone shouldn't get that offended to show you something if they have nothing to hide, especially since you said you don't bring it up very often.

I think that you have put enough effort into showing him that you're serious about the relationship, that you acknowledge the fact that you made a mistake and won't do it again, and are willing to put it all out there for him. If he can't do the same for you, I'd say it's time you had a serious talk with him whether he really wants to make it work or not. Even if someone cheated and you "say" you've forgiven them, there comes a point where you simply have to move on, or the relationship will not work.

After all that is said, just remember, JUST BECAUSE you cheated, does not mean you don't have a say in how you should be treated, You apologized, you didn't do it again...you are still equal in the relationship and deserve to be treated like the amazing girlfiend that you are. What has happened in the past should not be brought up in arguments or conversations if its truly been forgiven. I think he is just finding a reason to cut you down and treat you like poo.

You deserve to be respected and treated like a princess, and if he can't do that, tell him to take a leap!

**Ives** · 12-20-2011 03:05 PM

Thank you lizzardb63! I just asked him to let me know when he is willing to sit and have a talk about all of this but he said there's no point and I can just text him instead. What the he ll is that? I also forgot to mention in my original post that we had plans to do something together for new year but we weren't sure what yet, and earlier today he let me know that he decided he will be with friends that day instead.

**lizzardb63** · 12-20-2011 03:10 PM

If you want my honest opinon Ives? Just by what his text said...DITCH HIM. You do not deserve to be treated that way! He is not respecting you and is not caring about your feelings. He doesn't deserve you. Give him an ultimatum, if he isn't willing to sit down and have a serious talk with you...then you're gone. And if he lets you go that easily, then you know it was the right decision.

**Ives** · 12-20-2011 04:12 PM

Thanks again! You really are a big help! I'll try the ultimatum thing and see where it goes from there.

**caterpillar79** · 12-20-2011 04:24 PM

Ives, I think he is not completely over the "cheating" you did and he just cannot be honest to himself about it. His ego was badly hurt and maybe, he is trying to move on to forget about it, but he is also unconsciously moving away from you.

An honest conversation would help straighten things up but if he does not want to, a letter - your own handwriting might suffice, expressing how you feel, what you are going to do, and why. At this point, all you can do is let him be. I don't think pressuring him into an ultimatum would help (I might be wrong), instead, put the ultimatum to yourself - that is, if you don't get to express yourself in an honest and open manner so that you two can move past this as a couple, then you can tell yourself, it;s time to move on without him. I hope you see what I'm trying to say here. He is no longer an active participant in this relationship, so I think it is better if you focus on YOU and on how you feel about this and take it from there.

**jns** · 12-20-2011 07:32 PM

Ives, I wouldn't consider a wayward kiss to be cheating unless it was followed up by much more of the same. He sounds mean spirited, vindictive, petty and jealous. Not a good combination. I would get someone who can embrace to new you and who will love you for who you are now.