This is more about life than a relationship.

**Lovelovelove92** · 12-21-2011 04:57 PM

If you can read my ABOUT ME before you read this.

I feel like a walking contradiction, I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I've understood the concept yet I've had two abortions.

I won't lie to people I just can't I don't see the point, yet I lie to myself ALL THE TIME.

I know I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me. I am happy living with him and just being around him yet every other day I wonder if he'd be better off without me.

Because of these feelings I'm questioning my point of existence. HELP.

**wishy0uwerehere** · 12-27-2011 10:17 PM

just because youve had abortions doesnt mean youre a contradiction. you want to be a mother when youre READY. its just not your time yet, dont beat yourself up

i think everyone lies to themselves sometimes. its kind of just how we get thru life lol

why do you feel that way about your boyfriend? is it low self esteem? or are you deep down unsatisfied with the relationship?

i wish i could say more to help

i dont really know what to tell you, but i feel sad that youre feeling this way. maybe youre just in a rut?

**orchiddreams** · 01-14-2012 02:10 PM

Life is full of contradictions. You can't be so hard on yourself, life already is. Sometimes you have to be your own advocate for happiness. You have to be positive, even when you don't really feel like being positive.

Just keep your head up and your mind open- nobody's perfect. Everyone has their own contradictions and this is what makes us all who we are.

Best wishes for you- you deserve it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-14-2012 02:25 PM

Lovelovelove

It is my understanding that you have had a lot of chaos in your life, and that you see or saw a Therapist, who suggested that something good to you is foreign and so you doubt and question what you have, that being your "good" relationship with your new boyfriend. Also, that you state about (2) abortions, I may have missed something but I read (1) with the ex-boyfriend so I assume you have since had a second abortion with your now boyfriend?

I don't think you are lying to yourself at all... I think you honestly do not believe in abortions but that you are frightened based on your up-bringing and that fear is so real that those were the decisions you made, to cope.

I think that you need to keep working on letting go of your past... You are in a different phase of your life now that is all over, nothing can hurt you there anymore other than the memories. You are in your present now, and you are happy with what you have... Imagine your future? Dare to dream it, it's real...

Because of those feelings and living in the past, you are staying in the past... There is a point of existence, let go of the past and enjoy your present.

CW

**cas27** · 01-14-2012 04:15 PM

I agree with CW,let go of your past..there is nothing that you can do but let go because it will just ruin your present if you keep on thinking about it.My situation few months ago is not exactly like yours ...I mean I never had abortion but I met a man online and we got along very well,but since we live too far from each other,I haven't met him and it will take a while before I do..but I know deep in my heart he is sincere but still I keep on asking him and accusing him of things He eventually got a little tired. He wanted to pull back..and I realized that all these attitudes are actually results of what had happened in the past..I have been cheated and used..So in order for us to live and keep our relationships which is our present and future..we have to let go and forget about the past.. You can also talk about it with your significant other...whenever you are ready.It will definitely make you feel a lot better than keeping everything to yourself.

**orchiddreams** · 02-15-2012 06:20 PM

Dare to dream it- love that, CW. Very good advice (as always).

Lovelovelove92, how are things now?

**Lovelovelove92** · 02-15-2012 07:32 PM

He and I are still together and I'm having good days and bad my problem seems to be that I've waited for this guy my entire life and now that he's here I can be happy about it. He's literally everything I've alwayys wanted. He's amazing I don't know whats wrong with me.

**Anaida** · 02-20-2012 09:35 PM

We ALL are that way. I do think you need you need to be more "accepting" towards yourself though, it seems like you don't really like who you are. Tough as this may sound, try to always admit your feelings and beliefs to yourself, and then debate them over.

Best of Luck