Hi everyone,
I have a question and i just want some opinions on what the right way to feel about a situation is. I may be in the wrong and demanding too much, and giving in to my family's pressure. Or my boyfriend may be being a bit selfish and not looking at the big picture.
We recently moved out of our parents house to live together, however we go home every weekend (most of the time to my house, he doesn't get along with his parents very well) so we spend a lot of time at my house with my 2 younger sisters (14 and 16) and obviously my parents. As the holidays approach, his brothers come to visit (he gets to see his brothers 3-4 times a year, sometimes less). What usually happens is he stays at home with his brothers 24/7, and doesn't go over my house or eat dinner with my family unless his brothers are at their girlfriend's houses for dinner. Obviously the brothers go over their girlfriend's house at least once in the week and a half that they are home, so i usually try to coordinate when they will not be eating at home, so i can have my bf over for dinner.
For xmas eve and day in the past, we've gone to my family's xmas eve party, then gone to his family's xmas eve party, and then we do our separate things on xmas day (god forbid he miss drinking time with brothers, and my family would be devastated if i didn't have xmas dinner with them). This year we're going to a Patriots game x mas eve, and it would be too stressful to drive to my xmas eve party, then to his, so i said we didn't have to do mine, and i'll just join him for the night to his party.

I'm not sure if i would be expecting too much to ask him to come over xmas day for at least snacks while my whole family is around. (he may miss an hour at the most with his family, our party usually starts at 11 or 12, and they're starting at 1) Right now he offered to spend the morning with us, but leave before the rest of my family arrives.
Should he be offering a little more holiday time with my family? I feel like he uses my family to escape his parents during normal weekends, then when the "fun brothers" arrive, it's BYE to my family. But, i may be asking too much because he does get to see his brothers only a couple times a year, and he sees my family every week. What do you think? He also spent thanksgiving with his family this year (minus the brothers), so i feel like my family at least deserves a little time xmas day. However, he will be around my family New Years, even though we don't do anything special at all for that day.
In the past i have been a little not understanding and demanded time with my family, and we got into a fight. So now every time i even suggest having dinner with my family while his brothers are down, it's a big deal and it's difficult to get him to comprimise. This is why i try to coordinate when his brothers aren't around. I don't know if i'm in the wrong, he's in the wrong, or we're doing the right thing and just splitting our time as best we can.