hes my ex, so i cant care who he dates, but...

**wishy0uwerehere** · 12-27-2011 10:10 PM

my boyfriend of one year and i just broke up. our relationship was really good, and we ended on good terms. we still love each other, but we each had our issues and beat the relationship into the ground. anyway, over the summer at our friends wedding, a girl who he had started to date but nothing ever came of it (she had a bf at the time but told my boyfriend she was in love with him and leaving her bf for him...she never did) was there. he hadnt seen her in a year, and when we all hung out old, unresolved feelings came up. he was disturbed by the fact that he was enjoying her company, and upset with himself for feeling this way. she knew she could hook him (she is manipulative) so she started crying about how her friend was married and she was single, and lured him outside. (yes he was an equal player in that game, he should have never gone out there) they talked for an hour about their "relationship" and how she still had feelings for him and he talked about how they didnt get closure and things were weird now but he loved me and wanted to be with me. anyway, she ended up telling him she was in love with him. classy. nothing happened, he left, but of course this was still a painful ordeal. anyway, now we are broken up, and apparently she contacted him again. he said she emailed him some lunatic thing about how they were both single and how she wants him to chase her. he told me ignored it, but later i found out that there WAS some kind of back and forth. he claims he told her it wasnt happening but ill never know. im pretty sure he doesnt want her, but now that we are broken up, im afraid that he will date her. why not give it a shot, right? and i care so much. its so upsetting. he can do what he wants, but with anyone but her, please. would anyone else be hurt by this? he says he still loves me, respects me, and wants the best for me. and the only thing i asked him was "please dont date her." it would just be disrespectful to me, especially after what SHE said to try to come between us and because of the fact that he entertained the idea of talking to her for an hour when he should have been with me. its just so hurtful. i dont know what to do. maybe they wont even date, maybe he does think shes a loon, like he says. but im still just so disturbed about the thought of them possibly getting together. it would make me question how strong his feelings for her WERE at the wedding, and if he had always been pining for her in the back of his mind ya know. help

**KMonte85** · 12-28-2011 07:33 AM

wish, it has only been a couple of weeks since you broke up, so I can completely understand that you're worried he's going to start dating again. But, hun, you can't dictate who he is allowed to date. If you do want to get back together with him some day in the future, do you think telling him who he's allowed to talk to and date will bring him running back into your arms? Not so much. The whole reason you broke up is because you two were incompatible and needed time to work on yourselves, one of your goals was to work on your insecurity. This thing you're doing here, focusing on this woman, is not helping that.

If you're constantly worried about this woman, if you're occupying your mind with thoughts of them dating, you will NEVER make the strides you need to to better yourself.

Forget about who he is texting and why, and do something for yourself - join a club that you're interested in, take up a hobby, go to school, volunteer for a cause you love. Whatever! At this point, you are spinning you wheels, and that's not fair to you or to him.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 12-28-2011 09:03 AM

Well.....he's succeeding in making you jealous. Why else would he tell you these things? You two are broken up, you are both fair game to the dating world. You need to tell him that you do not want to hear about who hits on him or who he dates. It's not healthy. Even though you think you want to know those things, this situation is a perfect example of why you don't. If he truly wants the best for you, he'll leave you alone. Do not allow yourself to be this ex girlfriend who hangs on a string of hope while he goes out an has his fun. Don't be that girl that thinks you're the "one" he'll come back to. No matter how much you love him and no matter how much it hurts, pull the bandaid off. You're broken up, cut off the contact with him. If you don't, you'll not move past this and I can't imagine that's what you want for yourself.

**grrrr** · 12-28-2011 09:16 PM

Wish, I think that a lot of us have been there before. Oh my gosh, it totally sucks! This is the time to distance yourself from the more intimate parts of his life. Sadly, you have no control over who he dates, or if he dates at all. Likewise, he has no input in your life. Like KM & BD mentioned, you both ended the relationship because it wasn't working. See what happens with space. As for the wedding stalker girl - she seems like a real winner. I wouldn't worry about her!