Thread: Torn</3

Ok so first off i know before even writing this i will forget to include many things, as i am at work right now.

Little Background:
I am a HUGE family person, just the way i was raised and brought up. We would always on Sundays at least always be at my grandmas house with my uncles, aunts, mom and my 2 younger brothers. So in H.s i dated a guy for a little over three years. Whole family loved him but they didn't know or still dont know how abusive he was and things ended because of cheating & thats all they know. But they all figured i was goin to Marry him, This was Back in 2008 when the relationship ended i was 19.

After that relAtionship i was hurt and ,y parents split also after 20years. So i started going out alot and my mother wouldnt approve but she didnt say anything, only maybe
2x when i came home really drunk. Although i drank and what not i was never sexually active in fact i was a virgin. And the reason was i was brought up with the mentality that i had to get married a vigin to make my oarents proud and not disappoint them and my family as well(grandparents, aunts, etc...My family is close and quite young, i mean grandma is only 58 or 59 and im about to be 23, youngest aunt just turned 28).

So about 2years i stopped going out and focused on school because i want a future and realized there was more to life then partying and it got old. I did alot of maturing and soul searching i guess. Then a little over a year ago i started dating this Guy my current BF. Amazing man i must say, exactly what i had been looking for. Family, aunts, etc met him and loved him. We kind of did things real quick and we started living together at my moms, he spoke with her and asked her permission and she agreed. And we promised that it would just be til we saved enough to buy our own place. My little brother lives with his Gf here as well.

As we had never lived with anyone, it was a first for both. Of course it was great at first and then we started having little problems him and there. Him and I. And i guess i kind of went into a depression and was always sad, this was also because i was hurt because i had miscarried. And this of course my family did not like. My boyfriend had changed ALOT, like his whole attituted and one day we got into a huge argument just him and i. No one else heard, nor did i ever tell them why we broke up. So obviously he took his stuff and he left BUt he went and told my mom that he was moving out because of issues between him and i and thats all. I ignored him for about a week and then we both agreed we wer better off being friends. With us being broken up my family saw me smile more, even though i was hurt inside(im not the type to cry or show feelin). and they told me i was better off and i looked happy. That he was a great guy but he had to mature. And if i ever wanted to give it another try not to give up cuz they knew we both loved each other very much.

So i completely cut him off and decided i needed time to think and my friends wer leaving to vegas that weekend, so i took off, but didnt drink since my period was about 3 weeks late. While in Vegas he was constantly texting me and we had a heart to heart conversation and for once he opened up and apologized for anything he might have said to offend or hurt me and that he was scared to loose me. And Many other things. So when i returned from Vegas we talked in person and decided to give it a second chance. And honestly ever since i couldnt be happier. Like our relationship has changed alot and its been close to near perfect. Like now i honestly believe that a person can change if they really love you and want to make it work. And we agreed to live together after 2months of living apart, and my mom agreed with it and ive also let her know its until at least July/August because we are hopin to have enough saved to Buy at least a Condo Or townhouse of our own.

Now the thing is My mom. Like me and her have been super close since my dad left. But i feel like if she doesn't want me to have a life of my own. Like she's never said anything to him at all but since her and i work together(self employed) shes ALWAYS giving me Sh** or saying unnecessary comments. I mean Always! i dont say anything not to get her mad, since she is under stress but seriously she can be a little crazy and so self centered. I mean i love her and wouldnt trade her for the world but i feel like she hates to see me happy or something. Shes not like that with my brother and hes only 18

Since bf and i are trying to save we rarely ever go out. Like i hardly visit my grandparents house like before and he hardly visits his mom and family. Not because we dont want to but because they live a bit far and well somethimes we just get caught up watching movies or the football games that time just flies.

Here's where it gets interesting. On sunday Bf and i wer suppose to go to have lunch and then to the flea Market. He told me to invite my mom. and then i got upset for some reason(been moody thanks to new BC). So i texted my mom saying "mom just go with alex(11 year old brother), he got me mad and im not in the mood" and she texted me back saying "WHY? CUZ WE ARE F'N GOING? I KNEW IT THATS WHY I NEVER WANT TO GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU TWO" and i heard her slamming doors and leaving all mad. So i responded "what?! no its me thats upset and not in the mood to go" she never responded. Then Monday morning im washing Dishes and im upset because of her reaction the day before. (keep in mind my mom is not an easy person to talk to, she always misinterprets things and yells and doesnt listen and WILL ALWAYS INTERUPT YOU AND GET MAD). So im washing dishes and i tell her "Mom why did u get mad cuz of the text and say what u said?" immediately yells "because im not stupid and i know and i feel it and i dont like him but your just so blind to see it". So i responded in a calm tone(i hate arguing or yelling)" why would you say that? and its ok you dont have to like him and he was the one that wanted us all to go and he never even says anything about you or anybody. And how can you say you dont like him if he has never done anything to you." then she starts goin on and on talking about idk what and making comments about him and she said " well i dont care thats your guys relationship and he doesnt have to prove anything to me. And yes the other day when u wer asking him if he wanted food and when he saw the cheese he didnt like he said he didnt like that (referring to the cheese) and your dad and no one else ever says that and i had just finished eating and i dont eat !!!!!" so i explained to her how he didnt mean it as poop and that i could name more than enough times where she has said the same about food she doesnt like, as well as have i, my brothers and my dad. But still she kept going im guessing because its the only thing she could try and use idk. And i responded "im sorry mom but thats just plain dumb and as you can see he has never personally said anything to you or my brothers, whatever happens with him and i is between us cuz at the end of the day we are in the relationship. And he has changed alot but obviously like u said he just needs to prove it to me.plain and simple u just dont like him and you honestly dont have to but u have never given him a chance or even have tried to have a conversation or anything" then she calmed down a bit and just changed the conversation and was all like "well no one likes him i can tell you that much" and that hurt. Why? because im really close to my family.

Like the rest of my family tries and talks to him. When we do visit he will say hello give hugs and if i ever go alone they always ask for him. He does also, but the thing is hes really shy and they know this and usually will talk a bit more if hes buzzing my aunts have seen and joke "ha i like that vic talks more and makes jokes more when hes kinda drunk". But hes REAL shy, i mean so am i with his family. But him more because most my family just speaks spanish and he speaks it but at times gets like stuck or confused because he gets nervous. But its just my mom, like lies alot at times and makes up things or extends the truth and my WHOLE family knows this.

What makes me upset is he never ever says anything and he will try and have small conversations with her and she will just b serious. Or wont speak to us. And when talkin to others she always brings him up with unnecessary remarks. I talked to her about it and she said she wouldnt, but just like 4hours ago she did it again! I mean ever since monday she has tried to talk a lil bit more to him and he he talks to her she responds now and she even made tuna for him and her so he could take for lunch since only them two like it. So ill give her credit for that.

Sorry this is SO LONG but ive kept this bottled up& had to vent, as i dont feel like i can talk to anyone. And i cant tell my bf "oh my mom and family dont like you" cuz i would feel awful if he told me that. And hes really big on family also. I have many friends but ive never been the type to go ask for advice or whatever im always the one people go to, especially family. And im always there for everybody and support them through whatever. And its like its tearing me apart cuz i am close to them and i love him and him and i plan a future together and to have a Baby. But right now i feel like if we do, i'd loose my family, idk so many thoughts. I know i wouldnt and that they would be there. But just the thought of what my mom said of them not liking him or hating him breaks me. And now it has me thinking if i should leave him just to please them. But hes never done anything wrong. Yes in the past we have had problems and arguments but just between him and i, we never involved a third person...Any advice, feedback is appreciated