Thread: after a breakup...is it nostalgia or true love?

my boyfriend of one year and i broke up a month ago. we had rushed things in the beginning of our relationship and blown through the issues we should have been working on until they became huge and impossible to ignore. we loved each other deeply but we just werent doing our relationship right. we broke up, and although i was sad, i definitely dont miss what our relationship became. however, i miss him very much. he agrees, and weve discussed maybe giving it another shot if these feelings persist after awhile. but he wants to be sure its not just nostalgia, or "gee i miss having someone to come home to," especially if we simply arent meant to be. so how do you know? how do you decide if its true love or just nostalgia? and if it is mostly nostalgia, how do you know when to throw in the towel and just say "ya know, this is probably a lost cause. we shouldnt bother trying again"?

Is it just you who realises where things started to go wrong, or both of you? Personally I don't see anything wrong with trying to see if you can make it work, but go slow. Don't rush in to living together again, take the time to really get to know each other, to talk about issues you didn't work on. Find out if you're on the same page about most stuff and work out a strategy for having good communication when you do run into problems. Only time will tell if it's real love, but at least if you have a strong basis for communication (openness, honesty, non-judgemental and an awareness that the other person's feelings are valid for them), then you have a great chance of making it last if it is is love.