How do you know if you have a shot at her?

**ItsASecret** · 01-22-2012 11:03 AM

He is not looking for any kind of relationship material, he's looking for sex...

Definitely. And honestly if he is only looking for sex and not about actually talking to the girl then many guys use some money and buy a girl at a strip club backroom or a street prostitute, if it is only sex you want with zero emotional level of any kind then pay a girl to smile for you and just accept that sex is the only thing that is happening that night. Another option is go to the bar and find the one that cannot walk across the room and use her for sex, that is what a lot of players and guys who have a lot of sex with a lot of women do...they simply scope out the ones that are less likely to say no in their current state. Incredibly sad and cowardly to do that but it is so prevalent that it is just common knowledge now when you go to the bar.

**a_dub** · 01-22-2012 12:01 PM

thanks for the advice HD (and everone else)!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-22-2012 12:59 PM

but this whole "he's gotta earn it" seems to me women going on a bit of a power trip. Now I can understand if Adrianna Lima plays hard to get, but why can't a regular girl give a regular guy a chance. "Here's my number, lets meet up sometime, no guarantees of any nookie...if we click sure."

What if it's not a power trip. What if it's to ensure you are not a douche-bag just looking for sex. Are women not human as well, do they not deserve not to be played, just because they can hold off or make you earn their number, doesn't mean that they are giving you a hormonial experience and therefore, deserve to be played

It means they are tired of being played and deserve respect and honestly... OMG he actually finds me attractive, lets see if he wants to get to know "me". Sex is nothing, non emotional.. Most women aren't after sex, they are after lust that turns into love, respect, honesty and not being used, why would they want anything else? Unless they slip you their number and say call me, I want sex.

You may be frustrated. But, like stated above, go to a strip club, pay for a hooker, go to a bar and chat someone up for sex, but as for trying to get someone's number? Don't be one of the millions of guys that screw women emotionally and walk, leaving her to doubt the next guy. Because that next guy might be you, when you find someone you really like and really have gotten to know and she doesn't let you get to third base for weeks upon weeks and never trusts you.

Why be one of the boys? Like your cousin? Is it a competition? You are not a teenager.. Treat women as you would want boys to treat your daughter if you had one, or your sister or yourself...

Is what you need to get out of this thread.

**a_dub** · 01-22-2012 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

What if it's not a power trip. What if it's to ensure you are not a douche-bag just looking for sex. Are women not human as well, do they not deserve not to be played, just because they can hold off or make you earn their number, doesn't mean that they are giving you a hormonial experience and therefore, deserve to be played

It means they are tired of being played and deserve respect and honestly... OMG he actually finds me attractive, lets see if he wants to get to know "me". Sex is nothing, non emotional.. Most women aren't after sex, they are after lust that turns into love, respect, honesty and not being used, why would they want anything else? Unless they slip you their number and say call me, I want sex.

You may be frustrated. But, like stated above, go to a strip club, pay for a hooker, go to a bar and chat someone up for sex, but as for trying to get someone's number? Don't be one of the millions of guys that screw women emotionally and walk, leaving her to doubt the next guy. Because that next guy might be you, when you find someone you really like and really have gotten to know and she doesn't let you get to third base for weeks upon weeks and never trusts you.

Why be one of the boys? Like your cousin? Is it a competition? You are not a teenager.. Treat women as you would want boys to treat your daughter if you had one, or your sister or yourself...

Is what you need to get out of this thread.

Thats the thing, I'm not a player. I don't have the game for it. I don't have the intention for it. My cousin's into this whole free living lifestyle replete with coke and alcohol, and not the kind of coke you buy by the liter but the kind you pay for by the gram, if you know what I mean.

But I would be lying if I said sex wasn't on my mind. I don't, for a minute, expect a girl to give it up to anyone who happens to hit on her while strolling by. But I think it would be nice if a girl said, "sure I'll have coffee with you," and gives me a chance. Its a little hard to get to know someone if they don't even go out with you.

I understand its the jerks who women are wary of, but I don't think they should assume very guy is a jerk out to get laid even if most men are like that.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-22-2012 04:13 PM

That is very true, but so much damage is done by the "jerks"

That it makes them wary. There was never a book to read to work it all out

Then you have to accept, that they are not playing a game, rather ensuring their morals are kept in tack and that the guy actually wants to get know them.

Remember when I pointed that out with the 8-9, verses, inner self? This is what women want the most from a guy.

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-22-2012 05:17 PM

My boyfriend is shy, it took him a little while to ask me out... but in the mean time we talked everytime we saw each other and it built up my trust of him that he was not a slug lol. It also gave me a chance to see how funny and sweet he was and by the time he asked me out I was already 'into' him. No games, we're grown ups and all that chemistry we'd been building up ran its course on the very first date

But its been no one night stand... we actually liked each others company before sex so the sex was just icing.

I've never been big on games, but unfortunately its usually the men that inspire women to play them. Some guys get turned off by a girl that is too eager to accept time with them, they like the chase more than the catch -- and because of that , women have been 'trained' to pull back from a guy at first so that he will 'pursue' her more. Sadly, I've seen it work time and time again.

The more a chick acts disinterested the more the guy calls. When a guy knows he's got the chick hook line and sinker.. HE'LL start playing games , not returning calls etc.. oooh she called me twice this week , stage 5 clinger alert!!

Its the dance and too many ppl play it to not have to factor it in.... but I consider myself lucky to have met a man that was attracted to me as I was to him... that didn't need to 'chase me' that let me be myself, no games, no pretending to be busy when I actually wanted to see him. We started off on the real and have always kept it that way for better or worse sometimes, I always tell him what I am thinking, what I want and he always listens and we have been clear on what we can give each other.

**a_dub** · 01-22-2012 06:02 PM

Hopeless Dork, how long did it take for you to trust your BF? A week? A month? And since by the time he asked you out, you already trusted him, did you let him get some right away or was there another level of trust to be earned before he could lick the "icing" off the cake?

Also, before he asked you out, did you give him a clue that if he asked, you'd say yes? Did you know he liked you that way from the beginning? In other words, is ok to let a girl know you like them that way?

**ItsASecret** · 01-22-2012 11:30 PM

how long did it take for you to trust your BF? A week? A month?

My bf and I went to the same high school and elementary, had the odd conversation here and there because we were in same school and knew each other. Then we went to different colleges and he saw me one day on the bus and asked me later on chat if I was interested in going out for a coffee. We did, and one coffee turned into another coffee the next day, and another the next day, then a movie, then a dinner date then more coffee dates, and then a month had passed and he finally kissed me. It took a month to get to know him enough just to have that first real kiss between us. We got to know each other ahead of time because we both wanted to get to know each other again. If he had ever, ever ever ever, said "so are we going to have sex tonight?" on any of those coffee dates right at the beginning even the first week I would have said no thanks and never returned his calls. Oh and it took over 5 months before we said okay lets have sex. We got to know each other because we wanted to, and now our relationship has been going on for 4 years.

A guy who can build up your smile and happiness suddenly switches it to expecting sex is an absolute ender on the date scene in my eyes. If a guy wants to meet a woman the last thing he should say is "well I do not actually want to put much effort in to see results". If you do not want to work for that hard to find relationship then do not bother asking a girl out, she does not want to have her hopes crushed that maybe just maybe this guy is a good guy and all of a sudden the tides turn and he is just the same as any sex-driven douche around. That is not what we want if we are hoping and looking for a relationship. We want a guy to want us for us, and if he does want us he will make that effort. Him lacking that effort shows he is not sincere in his comments or remarks, he is not honest about his intentions, he is only looking for a quick bang and dump because "his needs" should be met.

In other words, is ok to let a girl know you like them that way?

Sharing interests is the absolute easiest way to show a girl you like her. Establishing that means you have something to talk about, something to possibly make a date out of, and sharing of laughs about those interests. It is okay to mention to a girl that "hey you like to rock climb at the rec center too? Maybe we could go together sometime?". Something like that is a perfect example of an opener as a possible date night for the woman you like in that way, not too intrusive, common interest, laughs, the whole works. However if the "like them in that way" means "I want to bang you soooo hard so lets go on a date so I can hopefully get a chance" then do not bother.