How do you know if you have a shot at her?

**a_dub** · 01-21-2012 01:58 PM

Some girls make it pretty obvious that if you asked them out, they'd say yes. They're always approaching you and talking to you and generally acting flirty.

But say there is a girl who responds to you, and you can tell that she doesn't hate you, but theres no tell tale sign that she likes you either. Does that mean "no" for sure, or is it possible you still might have a shot at getting a date with her?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-21-2012 02:15 PM

Women do play games

If women flirt with you and make it obvious, then I'd say you have charisma. The girl that "doesn't hate you" but doesn't show signs of not liking you may therefore see you as a player. You'd have to work hard for that one, to prove otherwise..

Asking a girl like that out, will result in a no, but then that doesn't mean that you can't tell her, "she's wrong in her thoughts" well though is she? hehe. No seriously, but also she may not like you at all, life is a gamble you just play the cards as best as you can...

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-21-2012 02:32 PM

One thing I've learned from most of my girl friends and from myself through the years is most females know, within a short period, whether or not they are 'into' a guy. Some its the way they look, some its their sense of humor, some its the way they carry themselves, for some its their social stature, wealth etc... for some its a vibe.. whatever it is, most get a feeling, that they are attracted. Doesn't mean they are going to act on it, but under the right circumstances he's the guy. Now, that same guy can go from attractive to a woman to a turn off in minutes and that can also vary as much as the woman does in her likes and dislikes.

But the big thing to understand is... once a woman has given an indicator she ISN'T interested... its a rare case when she ever will be. You hear old fashioned loved stories of 'he just wouldn't go away... eventually I gave in and we've been married 50 years!!" but the reality is... not usually that way.

So my advice is don't waste your time on women that are immediately dismissive. Bringing up oh my boyfriend this or that right away in conversation is a clue, avoidance, etc... any sign she is blatently uninterested best to just move on. Hanging in there, being the 'shoulder' doing favors... all those things guys do hoping they will eventually get repayment for being there for her... are efforts in nothing but futility.

For the other side women vary in how they react when they are interested so you'll never get the same reaction. Some smile and give a LOT of eye contact, some more shy types may look down or away. But if a chick is interested she will laugh at your jokes. Sometimes She will engage in light touches, brushing your arm when she talks, most of all she is interested in what you have to say.

Depending on the type of girl you are dealing with... an aggressive approuch could be a turn off or a turn on.. compliments, asking for a number etc are what I mean by aggressive. But if you want to hold most womens attention in conversation long enough to get a feel for her and let her get a feel for you... ask her about herself, we love to talk , especially about us, lol.

**a_dub** · 01-21-2012 03:01 PM

But eventually you have to ask her for her number right? How long would you say is a good time before asking for her digits? I've had buddies say they've number closed in mere minutes, but my friend, "Stacey" says she'd say no unless she spent at least 20-30 minutes talking to the guy first and that otherwise he'd just seem like a creep.

**ItsASecret** · 01-21-2012 03:02 PM

They're always approaching you and talking to you and generally acting flirty.

Keep in mind the situation you meet them. If you strike up a casual conversation with a girl in line for coffee and she does those things maybe you could invite her to sit down and have coffee with you. However change up the scene to a bar for example and everything that girl may be doing could be a total act to get you to buy her a drink. It happens a lot, a lot, a lot, all she has to do for a lot of guys is smirk or flip her hair once and 16 guys will be at her beck and call buying her whatever she wants and that is all she wants. Always be mindful of the situation. A like a casual conversation with a girl at the mall is not something that could be thought of as using you, unless she asks if you could buy her things because she "forgot" her money lol, if she does that then walk away haha.

But definitely if she is clearly not interested simply move on, there are plenty more fish in the sea. If there is mention or hint that she has a boyfriend move on do not pursue her for any reason. Another thing to watch is if she is hanging out with her girlfriends do not just barge in an talk to the one pretty one you saw from across the room. If it is clear she is just out to have a nice time with her friends then do not ruin that moment by being "that guy who came up and just started talking".

Also do not treat a situation like it is an invitation for sex. A lot of guys will talk to a girl and suddenly she laughs and puts her hand on his shoulder for a very brief moment, and with that he immediately thinks she wants some action. Not true. There are girls who are simply more touchy than others, just because one may make a movement like that does not mean all others will or that they are ready for sex. Do not pursue a girl for sex or think that if you push enough she will agree to sex. Another thing DO NOT touch her. Do not do the same touch her shoulder after a joke, you will likely creep her out. Do not touch a girl lol.

**ItsASecret** · 01-21-2012 03:07 PM

but my friend, "Stacey" says she'd say no unless she spent at least 20-30 minutes talking to the guy first and that otherwise he'd just seem like a creep.

Personally if I was single and a guy asked for my number he would have to earn it. I am not the type to sleep around or go out on 50+ dates with different guys just for free meals, if that guy wants my number he will have to go beyond the cheezy one liners and not talking to me just to see if I will sleep with him. I would need to know that the guy has the same interests as me and if he did not after talking to him for 20, 30 minutes then he is not getting a number. Too many guys will talk to a girl, fish around for the right comments just to get that number in hopes that she will sleep with him. Girls are going to be leery of those guys and hence not all guys are going to get a quick phone number, they will have to prove that they are something more to talk to than just another guy looking for a fling and that can take 20-30 minutes maybe more of talking to get that first date.

**a_dub** · 01-21-2012 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by ItsASecret

Personally if I was single and a guy asked for my number he would have to earn it. I am not the type to sleep around or go out on 50+ dates with different guys just for free meals, if that guy wants my number he will have to go beyond the cheezy one liners and not talking to me just to see if I will sleep with him. I would need to know that the guy has the same interests as me and if he did not after talking to him for 20, 30 minutes then he is not getting a number. Too many guys will talk to a girl, fish around for the right comments just to get that number in hopes that she will sleep with him. Girls are going to be leery of those guys and hence not all guys are going to get a quick phone number, they will have to prove that they are something more to talk to than just another guy looking for a fling and that can take 20-30 minutes maybe more of talking to get that first date.

See thats kinda why a lot of guys are the way they are and many women complain about. Ultimately, every guy is approaching with sex in mind as the ultimate goal. Sure, be polite and be a gentleman and all that. But lets assume a hypothetical situation where sex didn't exist...very few guys would make an approach. Don't get me wrong, as a guy I want nothing more than a nice girl who I can talk to for hours about shared or even not-so-shared interests. But men have ugly needs.

Its perfectly understandable to look at safety and security, but this whole "he's gotta earn it" seems to me women going on a bit of a power trip. Now I can understand if Adrianna Lima plays hard to get, but why can't a regular girl give a regular guy a chance. "Here's my number, lets meet up sometime, no guarantees of any nookie...if we click sure."

Think about, if I have to spend 30 minutes of time kicking game to a girl who still might not give me her number thats a bit excessive, no? I mean there are only 24 hours in a day. In such cases, I see it only as natural chain of events if men start to prefer masturbation over sex because I think a lot of women have artificially inflated themselves by playing hard to get. Eventually, the market stabilizes itself and the man think to himself "If I worked hard enough to get a supermodel, I should have a supermodel".

Women already have the upper hand in being the ones guys pursue and having the authority to reject them. The playing field is already stacked in her favor, and then she continues to manipulate men's hormonal urges. Then women wonder why they end up with the douchebag who cheats on them. Its because only the player has the charisma and game to overcome the barriers women set up around themselves.

Thats just the way it seems to me as a frustrated male.

**ItsASecret** · 01-21-2012 04:48 PM

But lets assume a hypothetical situation where sex didn't exist...very few guys would make an approach.

The thing is that sex does exist and yet there are guys who genuinely do want to meet a girl and want to take her out on a date. It is the guys overlying motive to see how quickly he can sleep with her and then never call back, they are the ones that women are so leery over. So no it is not going to be a piece of cake. Eventually a woman may want sex but each woman is different. Some women will think nothing of the situation and sleep with a guy at hello, some may need to be in a relationship for months before sex is even brought up. If the guy treats every girl like a quickie because that is what he wants then he should not say he intends to have a relationship anytime soon because he clearly is not looking for that. But if a guy is looking to find a relationship with someone, and hence the multitude of trying to get dates, then he will leave sex out of the equation beyond the immediate time frame because he is honestly looking to make something work with a woman.

but why can't a regular girl give a regular guy a chance. "Here's my number, lets meet up sometime, no guarantees of any nookie...if we click sure."

There comes a point when common sense security plays a role as well. Randomly giving your number out to any guy that asks is plain and simple not safe, there are creeps out there that want nothing more than to grab a large list of numbers call girls up and not leave them alone. Woman wanting a relationship will expect a conversation to at least break the common interest platform before any further dates, if the conversation leads to no interest well at least it happened as a learning tool. If those common interests are established in however long it takes, some it could take 5 minutes to feel like you connect with a guy other times it could be more than an hour of talking who knows, all she knows is that if she wants a guy to have her number she is not just going to give it out by simply being asked.

Think about, if I have to spend 30 minutes of time kicking game to a girl who still might not give me her number thats a bit excessive, no?

Sometimes it takes far less time to realize if a woman is interested or not. And yes you could talk to her for 30 minutes still be unsure and she ends up not giving you her number. It is how the dating world goes, all trial and error and it can take awhile to find that special someone. Nothing is served on a silver platter, nothing is "do this and ____ will happen". Every woman is different every woman will have different likes and dislikes in a man. You will have to talk to a lot of women in order to find out who may be interested.

Women already have the upper hand in being the ones guys pursue and having the authority to reject them.

Not true. Women can turn a guy down at hello, but there are plenty of good looking guys that girls may want to talk to but thanks to men adoring only the models and hypersexualized women in appearance the toned down average looking women will be shot down at hello. I have seen guys I would love to talk to, I like the things guys like (cars, fishing, getting dirty in the woods camping and quading) so those common interests may be there, I am an intelligent woman I have a very bright future ahead of me with a Masters, PhD, M.D. whatever it may be, I could be that 'dumb blondes' doctor one day but I am surely not as attractive as that 'dumb blonde' and I would be turned down by the guy I may like because of the way I look before he even got to know me. It happens to women as well and it sucks, I would be turned down because I am smart but that does not count in the eyes of the good looking guy, only the skin tight mini skirt and big boobs count.

**a_dub** · 01-21-2012 05:00 PM

Not true. Women can turn a guy down at hello, but there are plenty of good looking guys that girls may want to talk to but thanks to men adoring only the models and hypersexualized women in appearance the toned down average looking women will be shot down at hello. I have seen guys I would love to talk to, I like the things guys like (cars, fishing, getting dirty in the woods camping and quading) so those common interests may be there, I am an intelligent woman I have a very bright future ahead of me with a Masters, PhD, M.D. whatever it may be, I could be that 'dumb blondes' doctor one day but I am surely not as attractive as that 'dumb blonde' and I would be turned down by the guy I may like because of the way I look before he even got to know me. It happens to women as well and it sucks, I would be turned down because I am smart but that does not count in the eyes of the good looking guy, only the skin tight mini skirt and big boobs count.

I agreed with everything else in your post, I guess I will have to talk to a whole lot of women and spend a whole lot of time. I accept that nothing in life comes easy and love shouldn't be any different than a house, a job, or a graduate degree...they all take time, effort, and discipline.

But can we agree that the above paragraph applies to men and women? Ok maybe it applies slightly less to women since there are ugly guys who are dating to or married to knockouts whereas there are very few ugly women in relationships with good looking guys. But those ugly guys prolly make up for it with a heck of a trust fund or something. So maybe men and women are more or less even. Factor in that 95% of guys will sleep with almost any girl, but girls are far more selective. So then it really evens out: for every guy who rejects a girl for not looking like a mode, there is at least 1 woman who does the same thing to men.

But OK, I feel better about having to work hard to impress a girl now. Its the way of the world I guess.

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-21-2012 11:50 PM

Guys that come up to me out of the clear blue sky with a compliment and immediate request for number or handing me theirs gets no response from me. I mean I have a bf now, so obviously no response either way now... but when I was single - no matter if I find a guy attractive its a huge turn off for a direct hit like that.

It says several things about the guy doing it, or at least leads to several assumptions:

He's a player OR he's desperate... neither are appealing to me
He is not looking for any kind of relationship material, he's looking for sex... if he was interested in more he would have least wanted to talk to me a few minutes to see if we had any sort of shot of tolerating more than sex together. Thats just what it feels like to me. Its like 'I have no idea if you're stupid, a bword, annoying... but i'd like to take you out!!' It just doesn't feel good to me.

Bottom line is, it takes more than appearance to charm a woman at least the kind of woman worth trying to get at

So if your goal is the number you have to bring out the charm. If you are a funny person... use that to your advantage its one of the number 1 things we're attracted to : sense of humour, it is usually a sign of intelligence and fills you with the feeling that time spent with that guy will at the very least be entertaining. Never overdo the compliments and the first thing you compliment should, if at all possible be something that doesn't involve her looks. Girls hear it 20 times a day. Instead if she's holding a book, ask about that.. etc. If a chick has eyes you think are awesome, chances are every guy she meets tells her that, and its likely to sound like yada yada yada charlie brown teacher talk to her. Be different.

Going in cold is probably the hardest way to meet a chick though to be honest. Best bets are always where you are assured to be around a person for a fair amount of time.. Like at some sort of get-to-together or activity. And if its a person that know you will see again, maybe don't push for contact info the first time you meet, instead build rapport first. When you do that you can learn about them and things they like... that way when you invite them, you have a better chance of picking something you already know they'd be into.