A little unsure of what to do...

**JustInNeedOfSomeAdvice** · 02-04-2012 11:02 AM

So, my boy friend and I decided to take a break so we can get our lives together.
He flew out to another state to stay with family, while I am staying with mine.

We constantly argue, he accuses me of cheating on him and lying to him constantly (Which I honestly never have) because of his paranoia. When I throw it back at him, he gets angry and defensive about it.

I tried talking to him today to try and fix things and make him happy again, but he's still accusing me of "whoring around". I told him that if he loved me, he would have a little more faith in me than that and it didn't change a thing.

He made me stop talking to all of my old, childhood male friends, which I had no feelings for what so ever. Which I listened, and stopped talking to all of them because I guess I'm just young, stupid and let my emotions get the best of me.
He was trying to tell me that the only way things will work out is if I drop all contact with my family, work at home, etc.

I told him
"no, I am not giving up my family. What kind of is that? And I am also not going to just sit on my a** all day and not do anything with my life. That's not how I want to live." Then he goes and says that "I can be around him and love him all day."

This is actually my longest relationship. So I have no idea how to deal with this and it's driving me completely insane!

I'm having mixed emotions about it because I really do love and care for him immensely. But I just cannot keep dealing with being treated like this. It's making me an emotional wreck.

He's telling me that he can't handle it / life anymore and is going to kill himself.
(He has a background of attempts and has been to quite a few institutions for the reminder of his childhood) so I'm really scared.

I kind of just want to end it because I feel that things will never change. But I don't want him doing something stupid as an outcome.

Any advice on what I should do? :/

**Little** · 02-04-2012 12:02 PM

This guy is textbook, textbook controlling and abusive. Chances are, if you agreed to sequester yourself in the house and work at home, that's when the physical abuse would begin. And because of all your cut ties, you'd feel you had nowhere to run.

Avoid that. Cut ties WITH HIM. Break up. Don't take his calls. Don't answer the door if he's there. Make no response to him whatsoever. If he texts you or otherwise leaves a message saying he will kill himself or that he's initiated a suicide attempt, call the police - in many states, this will require him to get help.

You deserve better than this, and he deserves a chance to help himself. He can't do that when he's allowed, consequence-free, to keep you under his thumb.

And take a pregnancy test. Your other thread says you're four days late, which is more than long enough for an accurate test. Let us know the results!

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-04-2012 12:07 PM

I kind of just want to end it because I feel that things will never change. But I don't want him doing something stupid as an outcome.

IMO - I'd leave him today. You know it's not going to get any better than it is right now (at least the chances of that happening are very slim), so it's time to go.

As for him, his immature threats and doing something stupid as an outcome...you can't control that or him either. And if he's that unstable, I'd want to be as far away from him as you can get.

You deserve better.

**acerousme** · 02-04-2012 12:33 PM

whoa whoa whoa! He wants you to LEAVE your family??? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

End it, change your number, and try to get as far away from that D-bag as possible. Hes not a good guy, and you DEFINITELY deserve better.

amd as little said, PLEASE TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-04-2012 01:23 PM

He's telling me that he can't handle it / life anymore and is going to kill himself.
(He has a background of attempts and has been to quite a few institutions for the reminder of his childhood) so I'm really scared.

He has serious issues hun.. Abandonment is one of them, from childhood and it's distroying his life. He needs help.

You know when you try to give someone all the love you have, make them realise the word is real and they want more, and more and more? This is what is happening.

You never give up your right to be you.. Remember, that you belong to yourself, you respect other's opionions, sometimes compromise but, you never change who you are as far as your beliefs go, morals go and therefore, no one has the right to cage you. Do you feel caged? Imagine, being at home, all day 24/7 confined, no family, no friends, and there will be no internet as you may have an emotional affair over the net, there will be nothing... Caged.

You are right in feeling that he has no right to ask you to give up your family. But, just because of his insecurity, he has no right either for you to give up your male friends and no one has the right to put you in a cage.

This is your life, your future, your direction to take. He does not own you..

This is going to be difficult because he's using the abuse card of emotions. He is threatening to kill himself. To hold you there.

There are two things you need to do.

1. Talk to your parents and be straight with them, we all love and when times goes by especially being cut off to a degree, we don't think there is better out there, there is. Talk to them and let them know you need their support and help through this as you know it's time to let go.

2. Tell someone within his family that he can communicate with, where he is now staying, of his threat.. It is up to them as family to protect him from harm not you.

From there, you say you are scared. Change your phone number and stay with your family, keep in contact with the person from his side, so you know where he is just so you feel safe.

Most of the time honestly, it's all talk as a form of control... He will move on and find someone else who is not as strong as you and play all those cards all over again.

You will move on and find the dream job, have loads of friends, family and a guy that loves you.

Read the above statement imagine? Isn't that what you really want out of life?

**JustInNeedOfSomeAdvice** · 02-04-2012 01:38 PM

Thank you all. Hearing the feedback made me feel a whole lot better.
I just needed a voice other than my own.

You're all awesome.

**jns** · 02-04-2012 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by Little

This guy is textbook, textbook controlling and abusive. Chances are, if you agreed to sequester yourself in the house and work at home, that's when the physical abuse would begin. And because of all your cut ties, you'd feel you had nowhere to run.

Avoid that. Cut ties WITH HIM. Break up. Don't take his calls. Don't answer the door if he's there. Make no response to him whatsoever. If he texts you or otherwise leaves a message saying he will kill himself or that he's initiated a suicide attempt, call the police - in many states, this will require him to get help.

This guy is precisely as Little describes him. You cannot fix him, he has to fix himself. His likelihood of continuing to be controlling down to the last detail is very high. Keep away from him.

**BabyGirl** · 02-04-2012 06:20 PM

DITTO all of the above,
And then add the part that you said about Loving Him Immensely .

It's time you use the word Immensely, towards yourself. As in I Love Myself Immensely, I will not let others take me away from Myself or my Family. My Values, my belief in Myself.

When it comes to the " Suicide Game " as I now call it.
The one where they threaten or attempt to.... but fail to actually commit it. Several times...
They need help that You cannot give, other than have them get some kind of help from Professionals that know the In's and Outs.

If Possible Notify his family of his behavior, his demeanor, his " Depression " and " thoughts of ending it ".

Make sure he has Support. Medical and Professional and Family !

Then back away and as others said, Go on with your life,knowing that you are not in that situation yourself. And you will be able to recognize it if you ever " feel " the way again.

You mention you are young ?
This is part of being Mature, Maturity is Experiences and learning from them. You are doing a great job by asking . Know when to Say No. Learn when to say Grow !