to leave..or not to leave

**megan102** · 02-14-2012 11:54 PM

i've been in my relationship for about 3 years lived together for about 2. Pretty smooth relationship we rarely argue. However, lately for the past couple of months i have been working exhausting hours and he has also picked up more hours as well and i'm not sure if this is the cause but i feel like our relationship is slowly falling apart. We use to have plenty of sex and then it just slowly started dissapating. It's at the point now where its been about a month and a half. I feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I have brought the sex issue up a few times and he just brushes it off. Tonight i had a very sexy outfit picked out and he told me to "save it for tomorrow" which really just hurt my feelings. I feel i am a very attractive person but i guess just not to him. I use to trust him 100 percent but upon getting a gut feeling i found texts between him and a friend (opposite sex) about 4 mths ago which weren't incriminating really but just got my mind wondering. I let this slide but i still have trust issues that i am sure stem from all of my past cheating boyfriends but nevertheless the trust is not there. Sex is not there. Communication is not there. I feel like he is a roommate and we just happen to share a bed. We have talked about marriage for the past few months, its something he wants but i am really questioning this whole relationship. I asked if we could sit down and talk about things but he told me no, because i just want to start arguments. I told him that really i just think we have problems in this relationship and all he could say was "i just can't make you happy"..which while he is a wonderful guy and has never talked down to me or done anything wrong at all in my eyes i am starting to believe thats just it..he can't make me happy. I'm wondering if its just a phase or if i should save myself the trouble in the long run. He tells me everyday that i am beautiful and he loves me so much but the actions just aren't there. I know if i left him i would miss him terribly but at the same time i am sad in the relationship, atleast i have been for the past few weeks.

**jns** · 02-15-2012 12:27 AM

The stress of all of the work is probably the culprit. Both of you need to make some time available for your relationship.

**KMonte85** · 02-15-2012 07:26 AM

I have to agree with jns. From your description, it seems the relationship problems really started happening when the stress and hours at work increased.

I do believe what you have is completely salvagable. You just need to work on it together, and that means you need to have a few uncomfortable conversations. It seems your boyfriend thinks that means arguing, but that's not the case at all. Two people should be able to come together and talk discuss their feelings and their concerns in a non-confrontational way without an argument.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-15-2012 11:34 AM

If you can't do it alone without it turning into an argument or shouting match, find a professional who can help you.

Learning to communicate or re-learning to communicate with the help of a professional might be the place to start.

I would agree with the others about stress playing a role in your relationship and the deteriorization of it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-15-2012 01:30 PM

Less words more action comes to mind.

Whilst I am a great believer or communication, sometimes, too much talk, questions, over and over ends up being mute and stops things from being "normal"...

You say he says you are beautiful and that he loves you daily.. What do you say to him, when was the last time you said something to make him laugh, that's the type of communication that will work things back into some form of happiness and in that, the intimacy comes into play again.

Try un-stressing as others have said and start "doing" go back to when you met and play a video in your mind, bet it's just work, home, work, home at present

**MaryM** · 02-17-2012 02:27 AM

Hello, your problem sounds so much like mine. I have a wonderful boyfriend and the love of my life who loves me dearly (I try to believe) and who I dearly love. We have been in a relationship for almost 4 yrs and living together for a lil over 2 yrs. for the past few month, the similar problem to yours has arose in our relationship. I don't know what to do.