Thread: I want to hear what everyone thinks! please!

I don't know if I'm crazy for even posting this but here goes nothing.
I'm 23 and the guy I'm with is 37. We have been together about 2years. I had never done ANYTHING with a guy before because I was saving myself for marriage.(this is what I felt was right for me,not saying everyone else should feel the same). I never touched or had done a thing by my choice, I could have with other guys but never wanted to. I fell in love and we were going to get engaged and married. After a while things started to heat up, kissing longer,touching, then one day we made out. We did that a few times but I felt bad and told him I didnt want to anymore. I cried and everything because I wanted to wait.

One day he tried to touch me and I said no and pushed him away. He kept doing it and I walked away ot another area. He kept trying and I gave in and we started making out. I had told him before that I didnt want him to put his **** thing around my...you know because it could slip. Then I felt like it went in and hurt so i pushed him off of me and started crying. He is not a virgin by all means, and he told me we didnt do it, that i was still a virgin. I didnt believe him and was really hurt and upset. After awhile i said that i guess we should do it now because we already did and whats the difference now. so we did it and when we did, i knew that i was still a virgin but it was too late.
Later I asked him if he knew i was at that moment and he said yes he knew but did it anyways. Im so angry at him because if he loved me he wouldnt do it. After it happened he walked to the other room to smoke and didnt say anthying to me.

I feel like I hate him but then again its my fault. He told me I had it coming, that i wanted it but i really didnt. I know really its my fault i could have not let things go so far. I'm to blame also not just him. I hate myself for it. I cant get over this. I have never been this depressed in my life. I really didnt know after it was too late and I hate myself for being so dumb.

Big surpise he changed after that happened. He hits me sometimes and i hit back but he is alot bigger then me. Apart of me hates him but i hate myself more.

How do I move on? I used to like who I was but now i hate who i have become.

Do not blame yourself! You should be proud for sticking to your values. Yes he pushed you into it but thats because he's a *******. He doesn't deserve you if he cant respect your beliefs. Like the other girls, i think you should leave him, because you're right, if he did love you, he wouldn't have done it. Please don't beat yourself up over it. Although you're no longer a virgin, you can still remain celibate until you do get married. I'm sure you will make the right choice as to what to do with your boyfriend. Good Luck doll xo