Missing Home
im 21 and have recently moved across the country with my 28 yr old bf of 2 years.(bout 6 months ago) i was happy to go b/c i was up for the challenge . now that were here we have new better jobs and new things. I do miss my family alot so its alot to give up to move i feel now. the problems are that hes horrible with his money, and makes me feel like we might as well be back home. he borrows my money, and is acting more like i should clean up after him. he blows all his money before we buy groceries or pays me back. i really enjoy doing nice things for him but i feel like im never thought of in his mind first much ( lately anyway) im sick of doing all the work/ being the especialy because when im mad i tend to push away from him but here i dont have anyone else to run to i geuss. how should i deal with all this ?
Get your own bank account. Don't tell him how much money you have. Tell him you can't lend him any more until he pays you back; that's he's tapped you out. This sounds like the beginning of a potentially-dangerous situation ... just in case, get that stability and get an escape plan. Look at the paper for apartments, make friends that you could crash with/become roommates with, etc.
Good luck!
I agree with little. Create that account maybe once he realizes you cant help all the time he will depend on you less and start takin care of himself. I'm not saying dont stop completely because if you guys are living together than you took the relationship to the next level. You guys will need to learn how to share your money not take eachothers money like that. Depend on eachother build that trust with money but DONT DO IT UNTIL HE LEARNS HOW TO MANAGE HIS MONEY FIRST!!!!!!!! Dont let this problem get out of hands. Maybe once he learns you can get rid of that account.Originally Posted by Little
Exactly!
Also,when you get your own account, make sure you can get your statements so that he doesn't see that you have your own account and so that he doesn't see what you have in your account.
Keep your account built up so that if you need to move back home, you can do it without having to depend on this guy.
This is an extremely unstable situation.
Great advice, Little!
Quitters never win; Winners don't give in
Thank you guys. and i am smart i do have a secret account with a good stash of money in it in cash i need to fly back home at a whim. and i also think alot of this is the fact hes older and lives a little more like a free spirit and im youger and tend to worry over the smaller things than seeing the "big picture" and im new to being in a relationship were theres alot of sharing necessary.
He's older so he's less serious, and you're younger so you think sharper? That's absolutely backwards. Completely. He doesn't necessarily need to be "settling down" but you shouldn't be calling age as a reason why you're MORE responsible than him. Or is it that HE shouldn't be?
im not sure what you mean by "or is it that he sholdnt be? "
I mean to say ... is he telling you that because you're younger, you should be more responsible? Because if he is, he shouldn't be. Obviously, people shouldn't be judged based on their ages, but it just doesn't follow that someone younger should be more responsible.
The man is extremely immature, while "Lush" is mature and thinking clearly about the consequences of mismanaging the finances.
In light of the situation, it seems she'll do well to at least have a separate account.
Quitters never win; Winners don't give in
Alarms always go off when I hear of a woman
separated from her world by a man.
Women become vulnerable when they
are not surrounded by family/friends.
In traditional societies people lived with
their families. Sometimes in the same
house, or nearby, and family dropped in
whenever and she was always able to
visit her family.
The moment it is a man and a woman
away from the family, whether by thousands
of miles, whether because the family has
disowned the woman because she married
out of the group, or there has been some
upheaval, and we find this duo separated
from their society, abuse often arises.
Let us recognise that in the majority of
cases, the man starts out as a wonderful
person. The last one you would think would
abuse you.
This chap seems to feel he has gotten a
cash cow and as long as he can milk it
things will be fine.
The question is the day you say;
"Gee I have no money," what happens?
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