Thread: Long-Distance: Is it worth it?

Originally Posted by Madlen

Long distance do not work. Been there a few times and every time end up with a disaster... Both of you will sooner or later start feeling lonely, unsure where and what your b/f or g/f is doing... Then missed calls, unanswered text messages in the middle of the night will start driving you insane bit by bit...
In any situation do what is best for you, because this is what he would do. So go and visit him, stay for a week, see how it goes if you get second thoughts - get out and start fresh. Plus if you have a lot to loose where you are now, dont! Nobody needs sacrifices and in the end when you tell him: 'but I have sacrificed this or that for you and left everything behind to be with you...' He will say: 'It was your choice! I have not asked you!'
Think and think again!

Madlen is certainly offering a different point of view!
Now you can look at both sides of the coin and make a decision. Always good to hear a different side.

Good input, Madlen.

I have been in a long distance relationship for over two years. I wouldn’t recommend it. The problem with distance is it flies in the face of our biological needs (emotional and physical). You end up constantly suppressing part of yourself in trying to preserve the relationship. The problem is people grow and change. If the relationship doesn’t grow and change also, it is doomed.

I have developed a post college life in SF. My friends are here. His life is in LA. His friends are there. One of us is going to have to move for the other, and since I will finish grad school before he does, logically it should be me.

I never imagined it would be this hard when we decided to do long distance. For better or worse I am not a quitter, so I now find myself 5 months away from being able to be in the same city with him again, but we have a plethora of issues.

About 6 months into our long distance relationship we started having serious problems. We attributed the problems to the distance and consoled ourselves saying they would get better once we could be together again. But we were still far apart so the fighting continued. After some time we stopped being honest with each other in an attempt to stop the fighting. It was a conscious and deliberate decision to try and “save” our relationship. The fighting has never stopped. We are both tired of it. But now only 5 months are left.

The reality is I don’t know who he is now, not really. And he doesn’t know me. We know each other as we used to be. We have routine, comfort, and a mutual commitment not “fail”. But it used to be more. I am hopeful the potential is still there and I do not want to quit now. However, I can’t help but wonder, if we had broken up and been just friends these past years, would it have turned out any different? Ultimately we are banking on “the strength of our connection” to make us close once again. I don’t think that connection is distance, time, or status dependent. If it is, then it isn’t what we thought it was anyway, and we would have been better off splitting up 2.5 years ago.

You can’t force it. Not if you want to be happy. I function, but I am not totally fulfilled. If it was meant to be, it will be.

You situation is different in that you see each other every two weeks. I see my guy (on average) every 5. I think the bottom line is, if your relationship starts to decay or becomes really stressful, either move to be with him (and fix it) or walk away on a good note leaving the possibility open in the future.