In laws next door

**Mourningman** · 10-11-2007 11:40 AM

This is my first post and I know its a womans site but I have been reading stuff for a couple of weeks so i signed up. Anyway my in laws live next door, we bought land from them at pretty much the going price at the time.At first it seemed like an ok idea, 10 years ago. But now with 2 kids, 13 and 9 whenever we as a family take a vacation they somehow find the time to go with us.Even thats not so bad but lately in the last 3 years it seems my wife is catering the their whims and not our own familys.my inlaws are in there mid 70's. So for me my question to anyone who would way in, should i feel let feeling like a second fiddle bother me or just deal with it?

**JubesInquest** · 10-11-2007 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by Mourningman

This is my first post and I know its a womans site but I have been reading stuff for a couple of weeks so i signed up. Anyway my in laws live next door, we bought land from them at pretty much the going price at the time.At first it seemed like an ok idea, 10 years ago. But now with 2 kids, 13 and 9 whenever we as a family take a vacation they somehow find the time to go with us.Even thats not so bad but lately in the last 3 years it seems my wife is catering the their whims and not our own familys.my inlaws are in there mid 70's. So for me my question to anyone who would way in, should i feel let feeling like a second fiddle bother me or just deal with it?

Wanna welcome you, Mourning!

I certainly understand your predicament! I don't think you're wrong in feeling the way you do.

Sometimes, parents have a way of imposing on their son or daughter's immediate family. Why don't her parents go on their own vacation? Did they want you 2 to live close by so that you can take care of them, without them having to give up their house and find (maybe) assisted-living facilities?
Does your wife have any brothers & sisters? Perhaps they need to check on their parents health. Could it be that the parents feel that they are getting up in age and they need someone to take care of them (hence, imposing on you, the wife and kids)?

Have you discussed how you feel with your wife? If not, it's a discussion that's long overdue.
Have a sit-down with her. Find out how she feels about her parents coming on vacation with you, when the vacation is really for you and your OWN family!
Tell her how you feel about living next door to them. Have you thought about moving?

You 2 have a lot to talk about. Don't let communication breakdown between you two. Discuss things!

**Mourningman** · 10-12-2007 07:19 AM

She has 2 sisters 2 brothers my wife is the youngest.I made a mistaken comment about cutting the cord some time ago and that went over like a lead balloon.Both are healthy although "dad" had a quadruple 14 years ago and is still as big as a house.They both get around well but you never know.Her siblings come only on holidays or special occasions all but one live out of town. I never gave it much thought about the future health of either of them. Then again I am easy

**JubesInquest** · 10-15-2007 11:36 AM

I totally understand.

It's not wise for your FIL to walk around with his weight like that --- especially after he's had quad by-pass.

I'd have to consider moving.

It maybe that your wife isn't--- or wasn't --- ready to "cut the cord". Or, she could feel very responsible for her parents.
At any rate, I can't see putting my kids after my parents.

Let me tell you....

I once took care of a very ill parent. He lived in his own home, had a nurse help him; but when it came to decisions about his care and treatment, I was the person that met with the doctors.
Now once he felt better, he didn't want me to help him--which was fine with me.
It did tire me out something terrible! A lot of times when parents get older, they are super-demanding, fussy, and just plain old hard to deal with.

But, my family came FIRST. My dad got where he was always wanting to take from me and mine... I'd tell him right off, "No. This is for my family."

You have to make people aware that YOUR family comes first-- not 2nd, not 3rd... FIRST.
Once people are aware of that, they'll know that you've set limitations on them. If they think can keep pushing you to do whatever they want when they want, you can do irreparable harm to your family.

Kids need their moms and dads. As a parent, you have to make sure NOBODY dictates or dominates your time and energy with your own family.

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