Ive been dating my best friend for 9 months now. When i got a dirvorce 3 years ago he was there for me and when he went through his 2 years ago i was there for him. I love him to death and.. well to be honest and throw it out there, i want to get married. More than anything i want to be married to this man. Hes the type though to take things one day at a time. Which makes it very hard to talk to him about future plans. So for awhile i avoided bringing it up, but finally i did. And all i hear is reasons to put it off. What should i do? i have trouble seeing the relationship going where i want it to sometimes. And even when its gonna be when im 50!

How can you tell your man you dont wanna date you want to marry when hes happy with where its at?

The hardest thing is to be in a relationship and the other
person in it has a totally different view of it.

Just take it one day at a time. There is no rush. People
have to be ready for commitment. Some people get
ready at different times, and some might never get ready;
in relation to you or in general.

I think if I handed out paper and pencil and asked everyone
to list the times they were at point A and the other at
Point B, we'd be off line for at least an hour, because it's
one of those recurring nightmares.

So here's your choice; push and you'll push him right off
the relationship. Stay pat, and he'll be there next year.

Hi Giliwizzle,

I think that it admirable how the two of you have supported each other through your divorces. It is great at this time in your life, taking this relationship "one day at a time" however you may feel frustrated at times because you want to marry this man and he is not ready.

Do the two of you have children with your ex spouses? The reason I am asking, is suppose you do not have children and you want to marry this man and have children with him and suppose he is never ready, then realistically "all of his needs are met" and "your needs are not and may never be met!" If I were in your shoes and both of us already had children from our ex spouses, then I personally would feel comfortable just being in this relationship and taking it "one day at a time" however, if I did not have children and my biological clock was running out and I was getting older, I would say to myself "I'll give this relationship, one or perhaps two years, and if he does not ask me to marry him, then I would have to start dating again to fall in love and find "Mr. right" to marry and start a family with.

Gia

I see everyones point and i Thank you so much. Its refreshin to hear someone eles views on it. Yes we both have children from our previous marriages.. 5 between us both lol<which we put first>. I think your right if i push him of course the more he will with draw and thats something i for sure dont want.


And on another note, How do you make the second time around better? i mean all your "firsts" are gone. experiencing having kids your first house all that.. you feel like youve done gave away so much, experienced so much .. whats left to give to "Mr. Right"? lol Geez i hope someone gets this, and its not just me being weird.

One way to make the second time around better is that you learning from the mistakes made in the first one.

Sure your first house, first child experiences are done but remember there will be first child, first home experiences to have with your new love. There is room for new wonderful feelings. For example: You say you have children, I'm assuming you have more than one - remember the feelings you experienced with the birth of your first child? Did you ever wonder if you could have the same feelings with another child?

Welcome GiliWiggle!

Just wait and don't rush anything.

You both have been through plenty; so it's wise to just wait and take things one step at a time.

It won't cost you a thing.