Thread: He prefers porn to me- is this reason to end an otherwise good relationship?

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how badly this makes you feel. My thoughts are with you.

However, I find his excuse fishy. I KNOW that antidepressants can cause sexual issues, but from what I understand, there's nothing on the bottle that says "You're going to be completely unable to be sexually pleasured, oh, unless that is it's you and your porn, then every thing's great!" Porn, while great and supplementary for some couples, can cause undue turmoil in others. There are a lot of men out there who after a ton of exposure to porn, think regular sex is too vanilla. Also, men who frequently masturbate and are too rough about it tend to be less sensitive after YEARS of doing that.

What I really think the problem is though is that he's having anxiety about PERFORMING sexually, which is a problem a lot of men have. Since it's obvious he has sexual issues, during sex with you, he's probably too worried about not cumming, cumming too fast, not being able to please you, etc. etc. to actually just relax and ENJOY it!

The best advice I can give is to start reintroducing sex into your relationship in a POSITIVE light. No pressure- just you and him. Set up a bedroom with soft lighting, candles, music- whatever you think will work for you two. Start by massaging him. If it feels right, and something that he's comfortable with, move onto kissing. Then, touching, licking, whatever feels good to him. Don't put too much emphasis on sex itself; in fact, during this process, it may be best to avoid sex at all for a while. You just want him to know that you're his safe place to fall- you're here to nurture, to love, to provide happiness, and to fulfill his needs, emotionally AND sexually, just as he is you, and that you're here offering all that unconditionally.

Best of luck, honey. Update us!

Sounds like he's just making excuses.

I would suggest to him that the two of you go to see a counselor together to discuss the problem and talk about adjusting/changing the medication he is on.

If he's not willing to try to fix the problem, then I would move on.

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

However, I find his excuse fishy. I KNOW that antidepressants can cause sexual issues, but from what I understand, there's nothing on the bottle that says "You're going to be completely unable to be sexually pleasured, oh, unless that is it's you and your porn, then every thing's great!"

My thoughts exactly. I think there is more going on here.

Originally Posted by womanwantingmore

Here is the deal. I fell in love and moved 2,500 miles away to be with a guy He treats me very well, and does nice things like date nights and home cooked meals. The only problem is that he never wants to have sex with me. We have seperate bedrooms, and he goes into his, and beats off to porn on the internet. I have talked to him about this, and how it bothers me, and he has assured me that it has nothing to do with me being unnatractive or bad in bed. He says that it is becasue of his zoloft, and the porn is the only thing that works for him. When we do have sex, it doesn't do anything for him if you know what I mean. Should I stay with someone who fulfills every other need that I have besides this one? Or is this reason enough to move on despite my big sacrifice of moving so far away to be with him? He says he loves me everyday, and says that he wants to be with me forever, and talks about the future all of the time. I am super lonely, and confused and appreciate any comments and advice.

I think you have answered that question already yourself. Now as far as the Zoloft and he can only beat himself off watching it, that is a bunch of bull. You could do what that Porn does to him but this is his choice. And his reason on separate bedrooms?

Now for your needs. He cooks you great meals and you have date night. You sleep alone and live by a dildo or vibrator. I don't know how old you are but you are going to get a lot worse and want more sex as you age. He is not going to change. I would pack my bags and get out of there fast. Just my thoughts on this....Take care, Caroline

Originally Posted by womanwantingmore

Here is the deal. I fell in love and moved 2,500 miles away to be with a guy He treats me very well, and does nice things like date nights and home cooked meals. The only problem is that he never wants to have sex with me. We have seperate bedrooms, and he goes into his, and beats off to porn on the internet. I have talked to him about this, and how it bothers me, and he has assured me that it has nothing to do with me being unnatractive or bad in bed. He says that it is becasue of his zoloft, and the porn is the only thing that works for him. When we do have sex, it doesn't do anything for him if you know what I mean. Should I stay with someone who fulfills every other need that I have besides this one? Or is this reason enough to move on despite my big sacrifice of moving so far away to be with him? He says he loves me everyday, and says that he wants to be with me forever, and talks about the future all of the time. I am super lonely, and confused and appreciate any comments and advice.

I don't think this sounds good. I just see so many problems in the future from this. "Zoloft", "Porn addiction", "lack of interest in sex", What else that you don't know about yet.

Moving isn't a big sacrifice. Committing to a person who may be an endless burden is.

Originally Posted by womanwantingmore

Here is the deal. I fell in love and moved 2,500 miles away to be with a guy He treats me very well, and does nice things like date nights and home cooked meals. The only problem is that he never wants to have sex with me. We have seperate bedrooms, and he goes into his, and beats off to porn on the internet. I have talked to him about this, and how it bothers me, and he has assured me that it has nothing to do with me being unnatractive or bad in bed. He says that it is becasue of his zoloft, and the porn is the only thing that works for him. When we do have sex, it doesn't do anything for him if you know what I mean. Should I stay with someone who fulfills every other need that I have besides this one? Or is this reason enough to move on despite my big sacrifice of moving so far away to be with him? He says he loves me everyday, and says that he wants to be with me forever, and talks about the future all of the time. I am super lonely, and confused and appreciate any comments and advice.

Sounds like some addiction to porn? But....How did you get to the point where you have separate bedrooms in the first place?? Maybe if you slept together, that might be a beginning....

Thank you. That is good advice :-)