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Thread: Where do I stand with him?

  1. #1
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    Jan 2010

    Default Where do I stand with him?

    Lately, I've been confused with how my guy friend sees me. But have been a but uncomfortable sometimes and do not know how to address it.

    This friend messages me like 3-4 times a day for no reason at all and about 2-3 times a week he asks me to have lunch with him around college campus or offers to make dinner. About once a week when he talks to me about girls he think is pretty, he tells me that he wants to bang them (which seemed a bit too blunt to tell another lady friend and I do not feel comfortable hearing). Whenever something like that comes up he's like "dont worry I dont like you that way, I'll tell you if I ever do". That leaves me confused why he even mentions that when I dont even see him that way nor did I show any signs of that.

    I do not understand where I stand with him in terms of our friendship and do not know how I should tell him I have been a bit irritated with him messaging me too much and his being blunt.

  2. #2
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Pollon's Avatar
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    Nov 2012


    If you are responding to his texts and meeting him for lunch and dinner then he at least sees you as a friend, like his guy friends. However, his comments suggests he doesn't have a great deal of respect for women.

    How you respond tells him if his comments are acceptable or not. I suspect he is using you to learn about how he should treat women. Therefore, I would suggest responding with something like,

    "Unless you are interested in talking about something other than how "hot" some girl is, I'm not interested in discussing other women."

    As for the constant texting, just don't respond more than one a day. He does it because it's fun. When he stops getting responses, he'll get bored.
    CHANDLERS WISH and amy37 like this.

  3. #3
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    Mar 2013


    You have to lay it to him straight secret0525,

    Believe me, you'll be doing him a favor by telling him. Guys like him don't realize that they can be offensive and rub people the wrong way. You know the saying, "if you can dish it, you should be able to take it"? Well if he's going to be blunt about things, he should be able to hear it bluntly.

    Do him a favor and tell him how he rubs off on you, it will help him out with the ladies.

  4. #4
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array
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    Jun 2012


    The hanging out and keeping you close means he knows if you're dating or ready to put out any time soon. You're someone to keep him company. Him commenting on girls is his way of being macho and him saying he doesn't like you right now but maybe later; he's looking for a reaction from you. To find out if you want him or are interested in him. If he has a chance. Basically; you're the girl that he'll get to "later". One day he is going to ask you out on a date and try to sleep with you.

    I've known guys like this. Set the line now, or it'll get worse later.
    Harmony likes this.

  5. #5
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Harmony's Avatar
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    Nov 2012


    I've always found the concept of discussing relationships/sex/attraction with the opposite sex interesting.

    I know girls who I wouldn't even swear in front of or say the word 'sex' and have other female friends who can be more crude than the average man and think nothing of having sexually explicit conversations over lunch, dinner, or even breakfast. A lot of the anxiety we build up and carry around is often to do with relationships and sex, so the cathartic release of having honest (or honest as possible) conversations about sex and relationships is definitely a good thing - when in appropriate company.

    However, I agree with element and I'd say he's testing the boundaries and seeing what kind of reaction he'll get from you. Many men often think that if a girl is talking to them and responsive to their offers of lunch etc then they are, 'in'.

    It sounds like you're finding this a little tricky to deal with, so maybe you're not the type of girl who's happy to robustly reject a man on no uncertain terms. Perhaps tell him you think you're falling on love with the captain of the football team or you're already seeing someone? basically start making inferences that you're seeing someone and are certainly not interested. He sounds quite juvenile if he's not sensitive to realize his references to 'banging' chicks aren't impressing you.
    No matter how objective we try to be, we all see through our own eyes...

  6. #6
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    Jun 2013


    It sounds like you value this guy's friendship and don't want to risk losing it by speaking up and sharing your feelings with him. That is completely understandable, but if you are not honest, then is the friendship authentic? If he treats you like one of the guys and that bothers you, it might help to let him know. If he values you and your friendship then he should be sensitive to you and what your comfort levels are.

    I once knew a guy who would go around kissing all of his female friends on the cheek when he gives them a hug. Nothing was meant by it, he was just saying hi and letting them know that they are important to him. However, just because he was comfortable doing that and grew up where that was common, he didn't take the time to think that his female friends might not have had similar upbringings and backgrounds that he had.

    He heard about some of his female friends' discomfort about that through the grapevine and his feelings were hurt. Instead of his female friends, who weren't accustomed to that kind of affection, pulling him aside and telling him their feelings, they gossipped about it. When word got back to him, through the grapevine, about this he pulled one of his female friends aside and said that he was hurt because none of them came to him and told him. Honesty is critical in all friendships and if you value someone and their feelings, then telling them how you feel should be respected.

    From then on that female has been nothing but honest and open to him.

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