Thread: Husband works a lot.. need advice

Originally Posted by tstic364

I have been married to my husband for 6 years now, together for 7 1/2. We have 3 beautiful daughters together, a 5 year old and 1 year old twins. My husband works 3 jobs, though he only needs to work one for us to live comfortably. Job one is at the fire department, and the hours are already very demanding. Job 2 is a hobby that he makes money at, but requires that he travels out of town a lot, at least 40 days total thoughout the year, though not at the same time. Job 3 is on eBay and takes a lot of his time. Let me say again that his fire department job makes us enough money to live very comfortably.

The problem is my husband continues to work more and more every year. He keeps telling me that is wont be so busy and that he will be around more he in a few months. Well, a few months comes around and he will say the same thing. This has been happening for about 3 or 4 years now.

I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like I am raising 3 kids by myself. There have been many weeks where he will be home for a total of 12 hours out of 7 days. When he is home he naps when the kids nap, and either goes to bed when they do, or is working on his computer. I have tried to set date nights, I have tried to get in interest by making romantic meals etc., but nothing is working. I have tried to express my concerns to him, but he just gets mad and tells me I am nagging at him. Sometimes he will ask me if he can work an overtime day and I tell him I would prefer he say home. Of course that causes world war 3 in our home and he works anyway.

I feel like I am constantly waiting for him to spend time with us, but the time is not coming.... I want to have fun with the kids and take them places (the ocean, the snow, Disneyland, camping etc.) But he is always to busy. I have even tried to just make the plans around his schedule so he can come, but that doesn't work either. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I just want my husband to spend time with us and the family. I want to mention too that when he does actually spend time with us he is the best husband and father a girl could ask for. He is like one of those dream husbands....

We live in a very nice house, I don't have to work, and he does take good care of us financially. But I need him in my life!! I want him in my life. All my attempts have failed in getting him to spend more time with us.... I have no family here and all my friends have their husbands home every night and every weekend. I am afraid that our relationship is going downhill, and I dont want that to happen. Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated...

I couldn't feel any worse for you than I do. I can feel your pain. I am familiar with the closeness of firemen. I know shifts. Been there and done that but when I saw your last post a different bell went off. Twice I got ready to put this type of post on and twice I pulled it back off. Sometimes I hesitate being as bold as I am but unfortunately for the readers ususally find my way back and get it on anyway......OK here goes....

You are 26 and he is 44....That is a big age difference. Especially now. You love him with your heart and soul this I can see. You have three wonderful children but how is your sex life? Does he show signs of slowing down? Things you are seeing yet ignoring? I may be out in life field on this but just a hunch......

Originally Posted by CarolineWH

how is your sex life? Does he show signs of slowing down? Things you are seeing yet ignoring? I may be out in life field on this but just a hunch......

I appreciate ANY advice that anyone can give me. His sex life is great. He gets his "lovins" very often, usually every night he is home. (but he has to be home to get it, which often he is working) For me, I personally need to feel close to him before I get in the mood, so I am not interested as often as he is since he is not around. So even if I am not in the mood, I still please him as I understand the inportance of keeping him happy in the sex department. He shows no signs of slowing down.. He could have sex 3 times a day and be happy. LOL It is not that I am not interested in sex, I am, it is just that he doesn't care to spend time with me, except for in bed and that is kinda a turn off. He will "always" make time for sex, but doesn't make time to know me. I tried a few times to see if it would help if we had sex more often. It helped him to be a bit more affectionate, but he still did the same things he is doing now. He would fall asleep right away and then after his nap he would get right back to work. By being more affectionate I mean that he would give me a kiss before he went to go work on some project.

Mourningman- I SO wish my husband thought like you did. Family is important to me, I would assume that it would be to him to. He makes a lot of money on OT, and I don't care that he works it. It is the all 3 jobs combined that is overwhelming for me and the kids and that takes him away from us. Just this morning our daughter told me that he never spends any quality time with us.. I did not prompt her at all! I dont even know where she came up with "quality time." She is a very smart girl and she complains to me all the time that she doesn't get to spend a lot of time with her poppa. It is sad, and I try to make up for it, but I can't replace him.