Thread: Doomed to be a mistress? PLEASE HELP

I am so sorry you are hurting.

But in my opinion you need to figure out a way to get out of this relationship. From my view point he is just using you. I know you have feelings for him but why would you want to be in a relationship with this guy? He's proven that he can't be trusted in a relationship. You deserve so much more than what you have!

That is so very true, thank you for your encouragment it really helps to hear the truth. I just don't know how to seperate myself from him he is all I have. I know he is bad for me but I don't think I can just cut things off. Like I say he's the only friend I have and he lives very close to me. Sigh, thanks for your help tho!

Its not going to be easy but here is my advice.

I would check the local paper for groups to join and then join as many as you can. All of a sudden be to busy for him. "its not you hon I'm just really busy" Your to easy for him right now, meaning he knows your going to be there so he is treating you like **** make him miss you and one of two things will happen. Either he will figure out your the one he wants and really pursue you or you will make lots of new friends and won't care what he is thinking.

You dont deserve to be treated this way and you need to pull yourself out of this pattern. No one needs it.

I know that if/when you choose to break it off it will be tough, I know I've been there. I've known what it's like to go through heartache but it gets easier day by day. Make some new friends. Try to stay busy to keep your mind occupied. You will make it through.

I think I may try the busy thing but I don't want him to think I don't want him in case he is playing mind games like when he actually liked his girlfriend, he was the one who started their break! I would nevr forgive myself, I don't want to feel like it would be my fault eventhough it wouldn't be. It's a good idea though, I think I may try it. Thanks guys!

Twenty five years ago Norma was involved in a similar
situation with a married man. The difference between
you and Norma is twenty five years of being the old shoe.

This man has absolutely no interest in you whatsoever.
You are a recepticle, a conveniance. You have no one
but him, meaning he can do whatever he wants because
you are so completely vulnerable.

If the love of his life takes him back and she tells
him to throw you in a cess pool, he'll do it. Because
you mean nothing to him.

What is so pathetic is that you will stay around until
he throws you in the cess pool. Then, if ten minutes
later he tells you he's sorry, you'll be back again.

Norma hung around for twenty five years. There when
he wanted her, away when he didn't.

When Norma was fifty this man, who had her back and
forth for twenty five years dumped her for a thirty
year old. He still has his wife, now he has a thirty
year old going back and forth.

Norma has nothing.

That is your future if you don't get out.

Wow, that's awful. I hope this doesn't last that long. I just feel like right now I don't have the strength to let him go eventough I know that he is bad for me. I realize it I just find it hard to take action. Maybe I'll get fed up enough someday or he'll not want me anymore. I know you're probably beating the desk right now but it's true I'm that weak and strength doesn't grow overnight, right? Plus he is a way of life for me, a habit.

The first year Norma was K's mistress people told
her, if he doesn't divorce his wife this year, get out.

The fifth year Norma was K's mistress, other people
told her the same thing, as the first set of friends
was fed up.

The tenth year Norma was K's mistress people
passed very unpleasant remarks to her, because
it was remarkable that an otherwise bright and
useful woman would be in this kind of dead end
affair.

She was nearly forty years old when the next
set warned her, but of course, she was too
weak to leave, he 'loved' her, and her whole
life depended on him.

After she passed menopause she felt, well she
has to stay with K. When she was fifty and he
dumped her, well, she learned how to live without
him. Without him, marriage, children, life.

You are doomed, because after he dumps you,
because you've broken yourself into a second
place mentality, you'll be hooked up with another
man who uses you to take the 'edge' off.

He doesn't love you, and if he meets another woman
he'll dump you for her in an eyeblink.

Norma thought K couldn't divorce his wife because
of some religion etc. No, he didn't divorce his wife
because he didn't want Norma as his wife.
He wanted her as a mistress.
Until she was fifty, and he could change her in
for a younger version.