Thread: I can't say no to guys...

I have been where you are ... like I told you in your other post, see my first post versus my recent ones to see how much I've changed.
I had to see that my hookups were a symptom of my low-self esteem. There I was, telling anyone who'd hear about how I was the smartest and best at everything, and it was just a cover.
You have to make that decision to treat yourself better, tell the guy NO once and when he asks you again, say something like ...
"Are you deaf?"
"Are you r etarded?"
"Don't you speak English?"
followed by,
"I TOLD you NO."
Insult him. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. If he's pressuring you, he doesn't respect you. He's NOT NICE to you. Disrespect him right back.
If you don't feel like you can hurt his feelings, TRY. It's easier after the first time. Inject curse words at your preference. Even a timid insult is still an insult and can get you away from a ****** college boy who's just trying to get some tail.

Ok girl. First of all I have been where you are. Most women have been at one time. You want the guy to like you so you do what he wants because you think it will increase the chances of liking you....well let me tell you it doesn't work that way. i have learned that guys who expect you to give it up right away and won't take no for an answer...probabaly aren't really there for you. they are there for what they can get. i went through that, i went through the multiple random hookups because in my mind i would tell myself this one will be different, i'll give this one what he wants and he really will like me and he'll stick around. well it never did work out that way and usually it never will. if it does work out for any length of time i will bet that the relationship is based a lot on sex and thats not a real relationship at all. the one guy i told no....is the one that ive been dating for 8 months now.

so listen to little and listen to me. say no. deny him. embarass him. do whatever it takes to get the point across. and if he really likes you he will accept that and wait for it to happen when your ready.

I understand what you are saying. I think all women do.
One thing, try to avoid these situations. If you are at a party, stick with your friends rather than flirting with the guys there. Make some hard rules for yourself if you know you'll give in. Like, never go home with a guy from a party or bar under any circumstances. (If he's truly interested, he'll get your number and call you when you both have not been drinking)

Originally Posted by Little

I have been where you are ... like I told you in your other post, see my first post versus my recent ones to see how much I've changed.
I had to see that my hookups were a symptom of my low-self esteem. There I was, telling anyone who'd hear about how I was the smartest and best at everything, and it was just a cover.
You have to make that decision to treat yourself better, tell the guy NO once and when he asks you again, say something like ...
"Are you deaf?"
"Are you r etarded?"
"Don't you speak English?"
followed by,
"I TOLD you NO."
Insult him. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. If he's pressuring you, he doesn't respect you. He's NOT NICE to you. Disrespect him right back.
If you don't feel like you can hurt his feelings, TRY. It's easier after the first time. Inject curse words at your preference. Even a timid insult is still an insult and can get you away from a ****** college boy who's just trying to get some tail.

She’s right you know.
I know a lot of guys are really aggressive when it comes to putting pressure for sex to girls. I myself at my younger age was “chasing tail” also. But all my booty calls were a mutual thing. When and if a girl would tell me “no” I knew to back off right away. But in your case, sounds like you’re going to have to start being a little mean. Don’t worry about the guys feelings, trust me, **** get over it.

Originally Posted by jenagon2004

Ok, so I have this huge problem. I can't say no. That's it. But it gets me into a lot of trouble with guys. I've had more random hookups than I ever would have wanted and I didn't even want them! If a guy is nice to me I'm nice back, and then when he makes a move I don't want to make things awkward or embarrass him by denying him... even if it means doing something I don't want. Recently, I went to a party and met this guy there. We made out, which was ok, but then we went back to his room. I told him that I wanted to take it slow and he said ok. But he was persistent and several times I tried to get up but he begged me to stay. I ended up having sex with him which I said I would never do it again until I was in love and we weren't protected! How could I be so dumb! He just kept saying, I like you so much, and I want to be liked so much that I didn't want him to stop liking me. This is NOT the first time something like this has happened and I've been seeing someone about it but I did this the same day I got help for this problem and it's not helping apparently. Please help me I hate myself for letting these things happen. At the time it seems like it's worth hurting myself and it's not that bad but I always get really depressed the next day(s). Please, any advice you have.

1 -- Start saying "NO". The more you say it, the easier it becomes TO say "NO".

2 -- Remember this: Don't ever do something that SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS you to do just because you feel sorry for them or don't want to "embarrass" them; or just to be part of the gang.
This is what Little is referring to when she mentions that low self-esteem.

3 -- Word gets out and around that you will have sex with a guy IF he pressures you enough. Be yourself... don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.

4 -- Each time you do that, you lose something of yourself... you feel bad and depressed. It really brings you down.

Once you start saying, "NO," you'll feel better about yourself and you'll start learning more about YOU.
There's nothing wrong with saying "NO". Define yourself! Know what you want and don't accept anything that you don't want.

Bottomline: DON'T SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU DON'T WANT. You are of far more value than what you think.