so i dont really know where to start its kinda a long story so in a nut shell. A guy that i had been aquaintences with for like 8 years was here on vacation from florida back in sept. of 06 he had only lived in florida for 2 years and lived in washington where i live prior to that so anyway we pretty much just hit it off right away, he was here for two weeks and i found myself totally falling for this guy. He kept saying how home sick he was and how he didnt want to leave and he was really upset he had to go back to florida. So me being the nice person i am decided to give him the funds to make his way back to washington. So i got the money and sent him a check right away and within less then two weeks he was on his way back here. I even flew down and met him in texas and finished driving up here with him
Ok so everything was peachy a few months later we got a house together and with his older brother. AND WOW! things started falling apart rapidly. He turned into a big jerk and i dont know if it was because we were always together and never had any breathing room or what but his brother ended up moving out cause we couldnt get along and then him and i were struggling to make ends meet and we started fighting about anything and everything whether or not i was nagging at him about smoking pot or because we didnt have any money it just seemed to never end!!! we were struggling financially worse then i have ever struggled before and it was a first for him as well.... so just not a good situation. I ended up leaving this last august and moving back in with the folks and he moved in with some friends of his. Things were not good for a little while but then we started talking and hanging out again and we have been up and down for a while but the last couple months have been great... I love him more then i could have ever imagined but he refuses to put a label on our relationship. We go out on dates and we are still sexual i stay at his house on the weekends and most of the time we get along... until i get annoyed with him putting me off or something. I dont mind him having his own life and doing his own thing .. i do my thing too. But I just cant stand the fact that he doesnt want to give me all of him and just be with me. He thinks that me and him hanging out all the time and doing stuff together is good enough right now and says he just doesnt want a girlfriend right now... but i just dont understand why ? we have everything couples have.. there is just no real commitment i guess. And he says its cause he doesnt want to have to go through me to do what he wants. he likes to go do his own things without me ing at him... but other people tell me that he is just waiting for someone better to come along or he is just using me blah blah i dont know what to do i just want him to see that we should be together. i know it sounds desperate but i just love him so much.uugghh. At the same time tho i question myself too because he never says i love you but he does show he cares for me and stuff but after 15 months of seeing each other i want more... what should i do ?

If he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, and you want a boyfriend, seek out a man who wants you as a girlfriend.
If he's bluffing and really loves you and wants to be with only you, he'll clean up his act. If he doesn't even try to stop you, he doesn't love you.
Why should he want to commit to you when he gets everything now that he had when he was committed? Show him that he's not the only fish in the sea, and see how it works out.
Good luck

Yes, he's using you and yes, he's waiting for "something better" to come along.

You want something more from him than what he's willing to give; he said he wants to be able to do what he wants without going through you and having you b**** at him.... that's about the gist of what he said.
He just told you that you ARE NOT his girlfriend; just somebody he's nice to when he wants to have intercourse.

Walk away from this ... unless you don't mind being treated this way.

so yesterday was it for me my decision had been made for me... I found two dirty pairs of thong underwear THAT WERENT mine inbetween his matress and box spring.... he said he didnt know how they got there... I must look really dumb to him Boy do i feel dirty. I knew he was capable of alot of things but sleeping with another woman i didnt think he would do.... he wont tell me who she is and i am assuming it is because i know her.... I want to know so bad. uggghhh this kills me ! I am shocked!!!

knowing who it is may cause you more bitterness..forget him and move on..you're worth better..

this guy is definatly afraid of commitment and the drugs play a big part into the massive mood swings, from what little you have said, he has all he needs why commit, dump him and move on

I agree with this.

At least you know that he was unfaithful, and you had PROOF and called it quits. He's a fool for trying to deny it and act like he didn't know who the "thongs" belonged to (UGH!!! DIRTY THONGS???? That's just nasty on his part!)

Somethings are better left unsaid... I know you want to know who she is, but leave that alone... for now. He's dumb because you obviously were good to him... you're better than what he deserves.