My heart aches for him .....

**Fallen1** · 12-13-2007, 10:34 AM

About seven years ago I had my tubes tied and I had good reason for it. I had wanted to do it in at age 25 right after my second child but my doctor advised me to wait a few years, that I was young and he didn't want me to cut off my option at such a young age. I waited until I was 33, I had my two boys and in my physical and mental state I knew that I didn't need to bring another child into this world.

So here I sit today with a wonderful man that I love with all my heart. He wants to get married, he has asked me multiple times and deep down I want to and he knows it but I just can't seem to do it. One of the reasons is that I can't give him a child. He's younger than me, doesn't have any children, and has never been married. How can I marry him and "deny" him the blessing of a child?

We've discussed this before, that it is a real worry for me. A worry in that I do not want him to regret not having the option of a child of his own. His response is that right now he doesn't want children but he can't say whether or not that in the years to come he will not regret that he didn't. Just the other night something came up about it and he said again that he didn't want any now but if he ever did he knew that he didn't want any with anyone but me.

Last night we were cuddling and watching tv and this little girl was on talking about how she was waiting on her daddy to read her a story. For some reason it struck me and I begin to tear up. I was thinking about how my man would make such a wonderful father and that with me he would never get to be just that. I wanted to tell him to leave, leave me and find someone that could give him a child, I love him, love him enough to let him go. Let him go and find a love that can give him a child.

My heart aches for him .....

12-13-2007, 11:03 AM

Firstly, some people really don't want children.
The pressure on them by society makes them
believe they have to have children.

Your man might really not want children.
You are making the big deal over it.
Not him.

So stop it.

Secondly, many tubals are reversible.
So check it out. Further...many people
get pregnant after a tubal because it is
only one tube that is tied.

So the options of you bearing another
child are still open.

Then there is the possibility where his
sperm and other eggs, (you might even
still be producing eggs) can be mixed
in a lab an inserted into you.

What you are doing is creating a reason why
the relationship should end. If you woke up
pregnant tomorrow...what would be the excuse?

let us suppose

C · 12-13-2007, 11:42 AM

Marry him and make love and have the time of your life. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Like Kaylar said these things are reversible...And honey, stop worrying about the age difference....This man wants you and personally I think an older woman and younger man are hot.....Have lots of fun....

**rcoreyus** · 12-20-2007, 07:45 PM

He loves you. You love him. The children issue may never come up. Even if it does, no marriage is perfect, you will work it out. Maybe you will decide to adopt a child. Life is too short to worry about what might go wrong in the future.

But - if you are looking for an excuse, that is a different issue.

**dr.mansview** · 12-21-2007, 05:48 PM

if you truly love each other, and he tells you that he would rather marry you than lose you, despite not being able to bear him a child, BELIEVE HIM..if you think he is lying about this then maybe he is lying when he says "i love you"..i think you know in your heart that he wants you for eternity..

**Fallen1** · 12-21-2007, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dr.mansview

if you truly love each other, and he tells you that he would rather marry you than lose you, despite not being able to bear him a child, BELIEVE HIM..if you think he is lying about this then maybe he is lying when he says "i love you"..i think you know in your heart that he wants you for eternity..

You are right. Not long after I posted this I let him read it. He didn't say anything to me after he read it. We were sitting at lunch about an hour later and he looked at me with this wonderful smile and sad "your crazy". He went on to say "I love you, don't pitty me. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be. You are making more out of this than needs be".

**Still Nobody** · 12-22-2007, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallen1

He went on to say "I love you, don't pitty me. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be. You are making more out of this than needs be".

That's great Fallen1
I don't think you could ask for a more beautiful answer than that.

**SorridLives** · 12-27-2007, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallen1

My heart aches for him .....

I can understand your feelings and feel for you. I hope you can work it out. Maybe adopt a baby?

**rcoreyus** · 12-27-2007, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorridLives

I can understand your feelings and feel for you. I hope you can work it out. Maybe adopt a baby?

If you or anyone thinks about adopting, please try taking in a foster child first. Not only will you be doing a good deed, but it will let you find out if you really want a child in the house.

12-13-2007, 10:34 AM	#1
Fallen1 WH Moderator Hexxagon Champion! Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: US Posts: 817 Blog Entries: 1	My heart aches for him ..... About seven years ago I had my tubes tied and I had good reason for it. I had wanted to do it in at age 25 right after my second child but my doctor advised me to wait a few years, that I was young and he didn't want me to cut off my option at such a young age. I waited until I was 33, I had my two boys and in my physical and mental state I knew that I didn't need to bring another child into this world. So here I sit today with a wonderful man that I love with all my heart. He wants to get married, he has asked me multiple times and deep down I want to and he knows it but I just can't seem to do it. One of the reasons is that I can't give him a child. He's younger than me, doesn't have any children, and has never been married. How can I marry him and "deny" him the blessing of a child? We've discussed this before, that it is a real worry for me. A worry in that I do not want him to regret not having the option of a child of his own. His response is that right now he doesn't want children but he can't say whether or not that in the years to come he will not regret that he didn't. Just the other night something came up about it and he said again that he didn't want any now but if he ever did he knew that he didn't want any with anyone but me. Last night we were cuddling and watching tv and this little girl was on talking about how she was waiting on her daddy to read her a story. For some reason it struck me and I begin to tear up. I was thinking about how my man would make such a wonderful father and that with me he would never get to be just that. I wanted to tell him to leave, leave me and find someone that could give him a child, I love him, love him enough to let him go. Let him go and find a love that can give him a child. My heart aches for him .....

12-13-2007, 11:03 AM	#2
kaylar Guest Posts: n/a	Calm Down Firstly, some people really don't want children. The pressure on them by society makes them believe they have to have children. Your man might really not want children. You are making the big deal over it. Not him. So stop it. Secondly, many tubals are reversible. So check it out. Further...many people get pregnant after a tubal because it is only one tube that is tied. So the options of you bearing another child are still open. Then there is the possibility where his sperm and other eggs, (you might even still be producing eggs) can be mixed in a lab an inserted into you. What you are doing is creating a reason why the relationship should end. If you woke up pregnant tomorrow...what would be the excuse? let us suppose

12-13-2007, 11:42 AM	#3
C Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1,002	Marry him and make love and have the time of your life. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Like Kaylar said these things are reversible...And honey, stop worrying about the age difference....This man wants you and personally I think an older woman and younger man are hot.....Have lots of fun.... Last edited by C; 12-13-2007 at 03:59 PM.

12-21-2007, 05:48 PM	#5
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,061	if you truly love each other, and he tells you that he would rather marry you than lose you, despite not being able to bear him a child, BELIEVE HIM..if you think he is lying about this then maybe he is lying when he says "i love you"..i think you know in your heart that he wants you for eternity.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

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12-20-2007, 07:45 PM	#4
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,334	He loves you. You love him. The children issue may never come up. Even if it does, no marriage is perfect, you will work it out. Maybe you will decide to adopt a child. Life is too short to worry about what might go wrong in the future. But - if you are looking for an excuse, that is a different issue.