Many issues have come up in my two-year relationship with my boyfriend. The most recent of which is the problem I have with his relationship with his sister-in-law. His brother and her husband works overseas half of the year and when he's back in the US he travels most of the time so they only spend about 10% of the year together. It is obvious to me that she sees my boyfriend has a stand-in for her husband when she needs something fixed around the house or has had a car accident and needs someone to call. I met her for the first time when his brother, along with their mother, came into town. She was nice enough towards me during the first meeting but during the second dinner I had with all of them at a restaurant my boyfriend pointed out to me that she was dressed up more than usually and it was obvious she was competing with. I didn't know what to think of this since I hardley knew her but it did seem like she was giving us evil looks while we were sitting out of ear shot waiting for a table. Then when we sat down for dinner, she and my boyfriend were sitting in front of eachother in a booth talking to one another (in a language that everyone but me understood) most of the time. The mother does not speak English but she never bothered to translate anything she was saying and her husband was at the far end of the booth watching the t.v. at the bar while the mother was hardly talking herself. My boyfriend also commented that she was showing too much cleavage and it was not appropiate. It was just really weird and left me with a really bad impression of her. I feel she knew she had to be civil with me when we first met but then she started to feel competitive and wanted to show me up.

At the time my boyfriends opinion of her was unfavorable but in the past year he has warmed up to her but I haven't. I think part of his warming was due to her trying to appeal to him by doing things such as bake an elaborate cake for his birthday (presumably because he and his brother share a birthday and the brother was overseas working) but it still was really too much effort in my opinion and should instead concentrate on doing something special for her husband! I don't even know if she sent him anything. I took it as an insult because I believe that I should be giving him the cake whether I bake it or buy it. He says that it's more of a cultural difference that I don't understand and I should not be offended but I think he's just making excuses for her. I can't say that she calls all the time but there have been weeks she calls every other day and I don't really think once or twice a week is really necessary for in-laws, especially when there are no children involved. She also has family and friends living near her. There have also been times when she calls close to 11pm or later which I think is rude and too familiar. I told him he would not have this type of relationship if his brother was around and I don't think I should have to feel bad for her because she's lonely. She chose to be in a long-distance marriage. I don't even know when or if his brother will ever change his job and live with her full-time. I think it is only going to get worse overtime and the prospect of having to deal with the situation is troublesome. Her father is visiting her at the moment but I am sure if he was not here she would be calling my boyfriend more frequently. I really feel she has gone overboard at times by baking the cake and calling to congratulate him when his favorite soccer team wins. I even feel like she's competing with me so she can still get him to do stuff for her which really irks me. Something about their interactions make me feel uncomforable and he acts like I'm crazy to be bothered by it. I also think he's being a hypocrite because he said he didn't like her in the beginning and now he defends her when I say that her actions are disrespectful towards me. I really think she went overboard to win him over and now he's fooled by her because she feeds his ego. Am I wrong to feel this way or am a I justified to feel like he needs to set clear bounderies since I can see her only feeling more and more entitled to call on him as time goes on.

I don't know if you are even still here, and note that there was no reply.

But, one thing that came to my mind was interesting and that is "culture".

My first boyfriend was Greek, and my second, ex-fiance was part indian and part English, my husband was Australian.

Now, i'm not racist that's not where i'm going and obviously i am not based on my relationships.

However, it seems to me from reading this thread that the boyfriend's comments from when you first met his brother's wife, was pertaining to suggestion. He does not like women who are married or in a relationship wearing provocative clothing, for other men to see.

He was not "hinting" that she was trying to turn him on, i don't believe.

Simularily with the cake. It is culture for Europeans to look after each other and treat each other as "family" and very natural.

If you are not European and based on the fact that you couldn't speak their language or understand, then it's a matter of understanding each and every individual culture.

The "brother" has an obligation to look after his brother's wife/or future wife. Conversations in their language together whilst you are sitting there is normal, so is phoning to contratulate and calls to the home.

I replied to his irrespective as if there are others that feel confused this may assist.

The only signs of flirting with the "brother" would be obvious body language all in the "eyes', they always tell the story.