my best friend and men
hello.
my best friend is completely dependent on men. its sad to see her that way b/c she is so capable of being independent. she just broke off a 8 year relationship with her fiance a couple of months ago. then she was dating this guy right away, the rebound guy. and after a couple of weeks she didn't want to hang with him anymore so now she has a new boyfriend that might be getting serious. well, as serious as it can get after only a couple of weeks. she has to hang out with him every day. she has to talk to him every day.
when she was inbetween guys, she was so depressed and wanted to hang out a lot. that was cool with me cause i like hanging out with her, she's one of my best friends... but now, its like we can only hang out if we do a couples night, and my husband doesn't really like going out. so i can be the third wheel if i want but its not cool all the time. i know her boyfriend cause he is my neighbor. so at least its not too weird hanging with them.
should i say something to her? or can i just bring up a "girls night" idea? i feel like i should tell her how i feel but i don't want to do so unwarranted....
Miss Kitty
hey
omg i no what you mean cos my sister is exactly the same but i dnt no wot i can do to stop it shes a pretty lass and succseful she cud av er pik of the guys but always seems to go for the guys that are going to try and control her.
i love her to bits and cant figure it owte so if you do please let me no cos she needs help to escacpe this routine xx
Can you change people?
What your both saying in one breath, is you want to change your friend/sister to be what you think they should be like.
In another breath, it's about the friendship you have when she's single and not when she's attached.
Some women love being, in love, being held, being in a relationship and there is nothing you can do to change them, that's their make-up, their being, their sole.
As for wanting some "girl time" absolutely. Just tell her how much you love her and miss her and perhaps you can do a dinner once a month, or coffee, movies, catch up on your own.
The other thing with women whom like being in relationships is they don't like going out to pubs/clubs with a girlfriend for fear that their fellow may think that they are cheating or would. So, i wouldn't be suggesting that.
Obviously you miss her, so tell her, " i miss you" let's have a commitment of catching up once a fortnight, type of thing. See what happens.
Good luck, friends you can count on your fingers, so always good to try to keep them.
I am currently going though the exact same situation with a close friend of mine. She is always in long intense relationships that always seem to start good and turn out ending horribly. She dated this one guy for 2 years and he was on drugs, was controlling, was abusive and just an all around loser. Time and Time again I would have to hear about all there drama, and I had to literally stop talking to her untill she broke up with him. Now were goin on round 2 and shes dating loser number 2. He text messages one of our best friends the other day saying that he was her ex bf now and that he wanted to hang out. HE was trying to hook up with one of our best friends and was lieing about being in a relationship with my friend. HES SUCH A LOSER. I tell her all the time. but she just keeps giving him second chances when he keeps on treating her like ****. it really bothers me and i feel as though i have to disconnect her from my life again because I can only offer so much sympothy for her when she keeps putting herself in the same ****ty situations. you should just be real with your friend and tell her that she doesnt need a man to justify herself. and if she simply cant see the obvious point it out for her.
All I could say is that I am going through somewhat of the same situation that your friends are going through so I could speak for them. I am just trying to finish with a 8 yr relationship but I will need to wait and see how that goes. I just can't seem to let him go!!!!!
Anyway, you girls should try to be supportive and understand them. Not to say that you girls aren't but just thought I would thow that out there. Please try to help them as much as you girls can. Right now I need as much help as possible and having friends that are there is always greatly appreciated.
Originally Posted by Dollface2008
I agree mvaldez.HE was trying to hook up with one of our best friends and was lieing about being in a relationship with my friend. HES SUCH A LOSER. I tell her all the time. but she just keeps giving him second chances when he keeps on treating her like ****. it really bothers me and i feel as though i have to disconnect her from my life again because I can only offer so much sympothy for her when she keeps putting herself in the same ****ty situations.
All I could say is that I am going through somewhat of the same situation that your friends are going through so I could speak for them. I am just trying to finish with a 8 yr relationship but I will need to wait and see how that goes. I just can't seem to let him go!!!!!
Anyway, you girls should try to be supportive and understand them. Not to say that you girls aren't but just thought I would thow that out there. Please try to help them as much as you girls can. Right now I need as much help as possible and having friends that are there is always greatly appreciated.
There are lots of reasons why "friends" can't see the writing on the wall so to speak, but at the end of the day, they may not want to. Until, they are ready. There can be a fear of being on your own, a fear of self worth, lots of reasons.
A good friend, will not judge, will not constantly tell them they are wrong, but stand by them and support them, be there when they are needed and when they need to catch them falling down. There isn't room for pity or sympathy, just understanding, we are all different people in this world.
Also, 8 years for someone is a long time, i ended mine after 7 and it wasn't easy but once i knew there was nothing else i could do to make it work, i started to want more out of life and out of a relationship so it then was easy, as i was 100% ready.
My true friends, didn't take sides but are still there for me, my acquantances, well haven't seen or spoken to them in all that time, 10 months now.
When you know you know.
As for continually going back to "loosers" there is obviously an attraction for that particular type of male that can have many reasons behind it, but again, it's her life to work out why, just support her.
this side of it I do understand. There is a cerain point though where you cant be supportive anymore though, and thats when your friend is choosing there boyfriends best interest over yours and their own, and when they do this constantly because they are so afraid of upsetting there boyfriend, that they treat you like **** and flake out on you when they make plans to hang out because there boyfriend doesnt want to go. Ive had long term boyfriends and I have always been able to seperate my life with him, and my life with my friends. Makeing both important to me, and not just making my whole life about someone who treats me awful. And i know that love can blind this, but Im to old to have friends that treat me like this, and jepordize our friendship to stay with their boyfriends.
I guess the last sentence is a statement in it's own. I "choose" not to have negativity around me where ever possible, as i am a positive person and there is no room for that in my life. I also wouldn't put up with a friend whom when single is there, and when attached says get lost, to me that's not a friend as the true stance of friendship goes as there is selfishness involved pertaining only to her feelings.
So, maybe you've done all you can as a friend, and just be an aquaintance now..
There are lots of women who once attached, ditch their friends but when alone, come crawling back as they need someone to go out with, someone to talk to, and someone....
Again, if she's not willing to compromise, and catch up, even at your house, if she has that fear as i said, that he may not like her going out, or if it's plain selfishness, that she only has "eyes" for him, only wants to be with him, you don't matter at that time, until she's single again, then she's not a true friend in my books.
Admittedly, when i was married i didn't catch up as much as i wanted to but i'd sent a text, or phone but marriage is a bit different i think...
Food for thought.
i definatly agree with a you on that. And she totally makes me into her part time friend. she makes her whole world her boyfriend, but when they break up shes left with nothing. And comes crawling back to us to talk about him. It bothers me that after 2 guys she still cant get the having good friends and having a boyfriend combo right. Do to others as you would like done to you I always say. I never neglected my friendship with her when I was with my ex, and it sucks that she does it to me. So aquantances seems to be in our future again
It is always a shame when you feel for another human being and class them as a "friend", to then realise at some point that that friendship is one sided.
When that occurs, i just remember what my Mother taught me " you can count them on 1 hand"...
Last year, after i separated from my husband, an "old" friend appeared from some 20 years ago. I started conversing with her and i could not remember the friendship as being strong as such but recalled that she was in my life for sometime.
The words that she spoke were funny:- "Oh when i saw your picture you looked classy and as you were single i replied, i didn't realise it was you wow, etc". Then from there " This will be great, i needed a girlfriend to go out with, that was just as classy"... To no contact for a few weeks, as we are both work a holics, to then " What are you doing NYE, i was going to do this, and i have that option but" which her option was to go out with a guy who clearly she didn't want to go with, just had no other option", so contacted me, as she remembered me. Well i had made plans....
The point being, she viewed me as a "handbag" so funny really, or would recall me when she had no one better to go out with, ie) a male, and it doesn't work that way. Needless to say, i won't be visiting that friendship. She rang a week ago and left a message and i didn't reply.
I only have time for truth, honesty, and real, otherwise i am bringing negativity into my life and why would i want that?
Nothing wrong with aquaintances, just chose your friends....
CW
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