Thread: It's been so long ... what else can I do?

We tend to glorify past relationships, remembering
the good times, often festooning them with ribbons,
forgetting the bad times.

To get over a relationship requires a conscious
effort to fight 'upstream' as it were.

This actually works, although on first reading
it might not make sense.

Try to recall all the unpleasant incidents.
Waiting for him, an insult, a lie, anything
that was non-positive.

Find an object in your surroundings. It could
be a tree seen through the window, a desk
ornament, a coffee cup, any object with is
pretty much 'permanent' in your area.

As soon as you begin to think of this man,
immediately look at the object, and recall
the unpleasant incident in as much detail
as you can.

At first, it will be a bit difficult, over time,
as soon as you think of him or see him
your eyes will instantly go to the object
and you will be washed with the negative
thoughts.

Eventually, it becomes second nature so
that he becomes an embodiment of unpleasant
memories.

You will begin to not want to look at him,
not want to think of him, and he will pass
out of your life seamlessly.

I sort of agree with what kaylar is saying about attaching negative experiences with Dee, but at the same time, I don't know if that's the best way to get over missing him. I think you are really missing the kind of person he is all around, and I don't think deceiving yourself into thinking badly of a person and then harboring bad thoughts toward them is neccessarily the answer. I think the heart is smarter than your brain's attempt at tricking you into thinking that way. The key is to zone in on the great things about Dee that you miss so much and look for those qualities in other people ,because he is definitely not the only man that has those qualities. As soon as you find someone else that is carrying some of those same positive attributes you'll find yourself attracted to them in very strong ways and eventually they'll replace Dee in that respect and you'll learn all of the even better things about the new person and Dee will just fade into relationships past. You'll always remember the good things and the bad experiences you had with him, and those should be learning tools to take with you into the next relationship. Be strong and know that it's over but that you are not the loser in the situation. You are a strong, independent, confident woman and it was his loss in ending the relationship. But now you have the option of doing whatever you want to find someone else. Think of something you want to try that he didn't do, a hobby or some interesting activity, and go do it, with another girlfriend or alone, and I guarantee you will meet someone worthy of yourself that already has an immediate shared interest. You need to focus your energy on things outside of work since that is the place you have to see him, and then at some point, work will be work, it'll whiz by, and you won't be able to wait to get out of there and do the things that make you truly happy with someone new.