drunken words

**TheMainGirl** · 03-25-2008 02:43 PM

ok here’s my dilemma or as my boyfriends calls it "my big deal"
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 10 months and dated 11 months you do the math "crazy huh" well aside of that his a great guy and very loving but like all man in this strange universe "he drinks (beer)..more then normal ppl"

When we first started dating it was cool i didn’t really care but when i moved in with him i couldn’t seem to understand the need to drink everyday so i decided to step up and put some rules and those were no drinking from Sunday till wed. Truly he hates it we are constantly having arguments about this and it got to a point where he didn’t care and was drinking even if i got mad, so i left the house he took it as a game and kept telling me to come home so 1 day later i did and ever since that day I left his changed he doesn’t drink on those days and has become more attached ….Now my questions is I’m i right or wrong on dealing with him drink "Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays" he drinks in a moderated way meaning he doesn’t get completely drunk and acts dumb....please let me know what ya'll think and please give me some good advice as of what i should do oh and by the way I’m 22 and his 24....i guess that should tell a lot....thanks for your help!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2008 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by TheMainGirl

ok here’s my dilemma or as my boyfriends calls it "my big deal"
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 10 months and dated 11 months you do the math "crazy huh" well aside of that his a great guy and very loving but like all man in this strange universe "he drinks (beer)..more then normal ppl"

When we first started dating it was cool i didn’t really care but when i moved in with him i couldn’t seem to understand the need to drink everyday so i decided to step up and put some rules and those were no drinking from Sunday till wed. Truly he hates it we are constantly having arguments about this and it got to a point where he didn’t care and was drinking even if i got mad, so i left the house he took it as a game and kept telling me to come home so 1 day later i did and ever since that day I left his changed he doesn’t drink on those days and has become more attached ….Now my questions is I’m i right or wrong on dealing with him drink "Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays" he drinks in a moderated way meaning he doesn’t get completely drunk and acts dumb....please let me know what ya'll think and please give me some good advice as of what i should do oh and by the way I’m 22 and his 24....i guess that should tell a lot....thanks for your help!

When people drink every day it is in my opinion "to feel good" and often they don't feel that great during the day so need that release but it can become like everything an addiction.

Lots of people i know it's industry related and stress but one of two glasses a night is where they leave it.

But putting in "ground rules" is like living with mum. Talking it through to understand each other's feelings about it may be better, if you can openly communicate. Not why do you, but so how's work, try to see if there is something there that he's actually unhappy about and offer support.

And maybe, create things a couple of times a week, like the pictures and a sport whereby there is no room to drink on those occasions instead of putting in a rule as a "reverse phsycology" type of thing where he is unaware that's what's happening. And have some fun together see where that leads.

**TheMainGirl** · 03-27-2008 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

When people drink every day it is in my opinion "to feel good" and often they don't feel that great during the day so need that release but it can become like everything an addiction.

Lots of people i know it's industry related and stress but one of two glasses a night is where they leave it.

But putting in "ground rules" is like living with mum. Talking it through to understand each other's feelings about it may be better, if you can openly communicate. Not why do you, but so how's work, try to see if there is something there that he's actually unhappy about and offer support.

And maybe, create things a couple of times a week, like the pictures and a sport whereby there is no room to drink on those occasions instead of putting in a rule as a "reverse phsycology" type of thing where he is unaware that's what's happening. And have some fun together see where that leads.

Thanks a lot for your advice,
Sounds good but to tell the truth I did talk to him way before i put a rule
About the drinking and that’s when he wasn’t really caring what I would think.
I know that putting a rule sounds more of a mom rule then a girlfriend’s way of asking
For a change…maybe it’s the idea of why I know his reason of drinking so much that makes me hate the way he drinks…I do try to have fun with him all the time I ask him to work out with me and to go out dancing or something but to him is not fun…. Its him and beer or no fun at all…. As for me I cant drink I have a kidney infection that stops me from a lot of “his so called fun” but in reality drinking isn’t me anymore and the main reason for me having a kidney infection is the alchol… so I don’t know I guess he really dose need help from a doctor………

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-27-2008 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by TheMainGirl

Thanks a lot for your advice,
Sounds good but to tell the truth I did talk to him way before i put a rule
About the drinking and that’s when he wasn’t really caring what I would think.
I know that putting a rule sounds more of a mom rule then a girlfriend’s way of asking
For a change…maybe it’s the idea of why I know his reason of drinking so much that makes me hate the way he drinks…I do try to have fun with him all the time I ask him to work out with me and to go out dancing or something but to him is not fun…. Its him and beer or no fun at all…. As for me I cant drink I have a kidney infection that stops me from a lot of “his so called fun” but in reality drinking isn’t me anymore and the main reason for me having a kidney infection is the alchol… so I don’t know I guess he really dose need help from a doctor………

Well as you know what the reason is for him drinking, then it's fair to say that he has to get over that hurdle, what ever that hurdle is.

Encourage him to seek advice but don't tell him, he's more than likely to rebel and not do it and it may take some time for him to want to do it.

That's all you can do really, but i think it's important if you love him to try to encourage him, tell him you love him and want him to be happy, it has to be all about him i think at this stage but to also say that it hurts you to see him this way, so he sees that love and support as apposed to don't drink, here's when you can.

Good luck..

C · 03-27-2008 09:10 PM

In my opinion you are living with an alcoholic...He does not admit it but I believe he is...Any person that cannot leave it alone and needs a couple drinks every day is pretty borderline. He has far exceeded this...His help is called AA....This is a horrible word for a drinker to hear. They will lie and do just about anything not to admit it....For it means that they must stop this escape into this make believe world that they love....

Until he faces the problem that he has, and looks at himself in the mirror, he will not change...Right now he likes his reflection....But the big question here will be, do you?

Take care, Caroline

**TheMainGirl** · 03-28-2008 12:33 PM

Thanks Caroline for your advice!

About the AA you know i have told him that he has that problem but like you said he never accepts his reality and his famous responds is "I'm young and I’m going to live it like i like it"

I get really up set when he says that but i guess that’s the way an alcoholic thinks.... i do support him a lot in other things but that i will never understand i mean he doesn’t drink everyday like it used to be, ever since i put that rule about him drinking.. it when down to Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays but still i dont like it i hate the idea of staying up so late and him drinking and listening to his music all loud i just dont understand why he thinks that’s such a great lifestyle...

i did a lot of stuff before him and ever since I’ve been with him I’ve decided to become a different girl due to him because his a great guy aside of his AA but at the same time he doesn’t let me have friends (guys) like I used to but you know I don’t complain about it I was ready for a different lifestyle and well with him I’ve been able to calm down a whole lot……… well thanks a lot for your good advice!

C · 03-28-2008 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by TheMainGirl

Thanks Caroline for your advice!

About the AA you know i have told him that he has that problem but like you said he never accepts his reality and his famous responds is "I'm young and I’m going to live it like i like it"

I get really up set when he says that but i guess that’s the way an alcoholic thinks.... i do support him a lot in other things but that i will never understand i mean he doesn’t drink everyday like it used to be, ever since i put that rule about him drinking.. it when down to Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays but still i dont like it i hate the idea of staying up so late and him drinking and listening to his music all loud i just dont understand why he thinks that’s such a great lifestyle...

i did a lot of stuff before him and ever since I’ve been with him I’ve decided to become a different girl due to him because his a great guy aside of his AA but at the same time he doesn’t let me have friends (guys) like I used to but you know I don’t complain about it I was ready for a different lifestyle and well with him I’ve been able to calm down a whole lot……… well thanks a lot for your good advice!

They always have an excuse...It is called denial...It is much easier taking this road in life than to face the fact that they have a problem....This will never go away unless they want it to....They must want and ask for help to get help.....It is an illness with a simple cure... ...ANSTINENCE....

Just be careful to guard yourself in this walk in life with him....You sound like a wonderful person who is strong...But misery likes company and that is a pretty big snake pit they can live it....Do take care.....Caroline

**TheMainGirl** · 03-31-2008 12:37 PM

Hi Caroline,

Thanks ones again...
Quick question and excuse me for asking this could you let me know what
"ANSTINENCE" means it’s my firsts time hearing this word....

Thanx

C · 03-31-2008 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by TheMainGirl

Hi Caroline,

Thanks ones again...
Quick question and excuse me for asking this could you let me know what
"ANSTINENCE" means it’s my firsts time hearing this word....

Thanx

Hi Again:

It means refraining from using it...Look at it as poison. You cannot control yourself with it... Like giving up chocolate...A person can enjoy drinking juices and other things just as much...Some time look around you socially...There are many people with a problem and they drink other things...It is accepting this problem that is the task....If he ever is able to be talked to on this find the black and white movie with Lee Remmick and Jack Lemon. It is called "The Days of Wine and Roses"...Pretty heavy but great movie.. Big story of life that many people do not want to admit to....Much luck to you and you are so very welcome....xox Caroline

**Little** · 03-31-2008 04:42 PM

Abstinence?
Sounds fishy that he doesn't let you have guy friends ... do you have a history of cheating on your boyfriends? I do, but that doesn't stop my boyfriend from trusting me, and I've never betrayed that trust.
If I can change, so can you ... you shouldn't have to give up (real) friends (those fake guys who just want in your pants don't count, of course.)

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