Okay, so our affair ended however prior to that I was upset about his slow disappearance so I asked for a gift I had given him back and he promised it back to me, no problem. He loved it yeah, but he knew he was hurting my feelings and even more so because the item was an antique in perfect condition that he loved and was engraved with a very meaningful confirmation of our bond and lifelong friendship etc... He adored the piece and honestly it is worth a lot especially compared to my income. I really had to sacrifice to get that and I was so proud of how he adored it. But when I got the "dismissal" the wife text messaged me and said if I contacted her or anyone in her family again she would consider it harassment. Of course he is being monitored, and yes probability is he could have contacted me if he wanted about it, but I really don't think it's his top priority now that she knows. I haven't contacted him since he dismissed me 2 months ago, and I haven't felt I could contact him by any means personally because of his wife's threat to me. I don't even know if it's true that she could call harassment on me for contacting him. I would think HE would have to be the one to decide if I were harassing him or not. Obviously I'm not. The ONLY thing I have done to contact him is I called a friend he introduced me to from his guys night out and asked him to relax to the ex that I really wanted "a tool back I had borrowed a long time ago that he forgot to return." I don't know what he thought of that but still, nothing.

I know many are thinking eat crow and forget it, but I want it as that was my most meaningful declaration of our time together and I don't want it destroyed by the wife, or just plain kept by him. Because if he dismissed me, those words inscribed are no longer true since we have no relationship now. Wrong or not for my participation, I just really hurt that those words are out there that mean so much to me and I don't have them back. It feels so hurt to be completely severed in a moment from someone's life you were with so long, but then the one momento I cherish, I just really want it back. Not for spite, but because I don't think I'll love again and that was all me that went into having that done for him. I feel so sad about not having it back and he did say I would get it before the dismissal even happened. What can I do to get it back. This really hurts a lot. Everything hurts a lot. And furthermore.... read 2nd New Thread... but please respond to this issue. Thank you.

No, it's not harrassment. Obviously she's being protective.

However, you know how it works - in divorce law gifts aren't returnable. Once something is given, it's gone. But I'm sure there are ways to get it back. If I was you I'd just ask a big guy you know to go around and collect it... Hopefully some time the wife was out.

Tell him you'll make things between him and his wife far worse if he doesn't give it back?

Thanks for the response, I appreciate the idea to have someone just collect it. I remember your earlier post and agree, being dignified is exactly what I want to be and it's also right that if I want to get past things I just have to sever things that hold me, and that honestly is the biggest thing that is out there with any control over it. I do have the email that he gave me saying he would be giving it back, so that seems to be my only real "legal" possibility but I don't want to be legal about anything. I simply want the item back. It was purchased when I was dead broke, scrimped, saved, and spent a ton on that engraving and honestly I will use it. It was a beautiful german antique, and hate to admit but it was extraordinary and I will use it if I do get it back. It means the world to me because of the meaning behind it and the engraving. I believed in a lifelong friendship that is symbolized and it is the one item that will give me some "warm fuzzies" about the past relationship instead of hurt. The crud and pain I can be thankful for severing, but I will cherish the friendship forever even if he has chosen to end it. Thanks so much for your insight and suggestion. I've read only a couple of your posts/thread but find your insight interesting. If you care to give me the mini-version of your life experience I'd love to get an email sharing that because a male viewpoint is always good. NO, I will NOT hit on you, been there and done that but want a varied viewpoint which should be why people come here, not just to hear what they want, but to hear different things and hope it will encourage personal growth to make changes based on their own values in comparison with that new perspective. Thanks again, Miss U.

Sorry, forgot to add... When re-read that line about not hitting on you might sound weird to some reading but the truth is if you have ever been a mistress, and this past time is my only time I have ever done that. Well, I just realize people define you by that and even if I realize I am reevaluating my life and lots of changes and values and hard work is going on to heal, some will always define me as some predator of married men; which honestly was not even close to how it happened or how I am. So, hopefully that explains what might sound like a confusing statement to others, and maybe yourself. I believe one post I read from you said you were a married man so wanted to clarify that statement. Scincerely, Miss U.

Ok, first off - a printed email he supposedly said means nothing, except to shove it in his face. The law is absolutely not with you on this, what is given cannot be ungiven.

Any way you have of getting it back hinges either on him giving it back... or less legal means. Which is sorta why I suggested finding a beast of a man to collect it from him. If it would make you feel better you could have him break a leg or nose too; joking (or am I ).... It would probably cost a lot less than the item in question, or free if you know someone crazy.


As for me telling people what they don't want to hear.... Well, it's a lot more fun than telling people what they DO want to hear, and more productive as well usually.

And me??? Married???? NEVAR!!!! You must have misread... It'd take one hell of a woman to get that ring on my finger. But then, I suppose I don't know what love means anyway. Anyway, I'm single, so feel free to hit on me as long as you live in / travel to England and are under 26... Haha.

Erm, well, joking aside, if you want to chat, drop me a pm.. Maybe if you use msn or something we could talk, as my advice is usually flawless. Except when I don't know what I'm talking about (which is all the time).

Sorry, I think a gift is a gift. It has meaning when it is given because it doesn't have strings attached.

Sorry for the "Miss Understanding" with your status. Regardless I don't know how pm someone from this site, I'm still learning to navigate it. I'm in U.S. and want to go to Europe some day, England, Italy, and Ireland. I have to say I'm not a wonderful 26 years old any more but hey, I "still got it" as they say (so I'm told.) I'm in my low 4o's but look more like early 30's - a lovely gift that my mom's side of the family passed along. My Ex-Lv was 5 years younger.
Curious, if you were being really honest do you like to give opposite perspectives to posts because it makes people think or do you completely believe everything you write, because I'm sure you are aware some things people take harshly. Either way is fine, we all need different perspectives. I just want to realize if you really are trying to give the person something to think about or just merely be "devil's advocate" thought I don't like that word. You know what I mean. Miss U.

Yes, you are right in that I normally agree. It's just that if you can understand how I mean - it was quite they symbol of "who I was, who we were, and the bond." The inscriptions I had added are very personal and can't imagine him wanting to look at it or explain to others what it means (It was written in another language since he has visited this country in europe often.) It's so sentimental etc... and very personal and I'm sure he only uses in private or told the wife it was from an old military buddy (friendship emphasis on enscription) which also would explain the foreign language. The only others that had seen it would be his guys night out friends who play sports together. Thanks for the insight. I appreciate it really.... and you are right, I just figure it means nothing to him any longer but it means the world to me so it's almost mean in a way for him to keep it. Does that make sense? BTW - I do realize I have been wrong on so many counts, but just trying to be in the process of healing and making things better. I have a really really hard time letting go, but I'm getting help, and this forum helps, and hills and valleys are routine but I have to remember this is a healing PROCESS and not expect overnight change. Thx. Miss U.