I just have the unbelievable desire to know if after the wife found out 2 months ago about our (now quite completely over) affair... I highly doubt they are going to make it honestly for many reasons. If someone files for divorce, or even a separation, does the record of the request or petition show up in the public divorce records right away or not until it is finalized? Very curious.... I know, let go, let go... yet hey, this was someone I loved, right or wrong and it doesn't just turn off all those feelings. I have had NO contact with him so I'm not being a jerk or anything, just have so many unresolved emotions since it was so quick, unexpected, and shocking like a bomb went off or something and I still can't process without ANY kind of updates at all. I mean, it feels like a death, or abduction in a way. I'm empty, he was my lover and best friend. I miss him but want to know... something....

I've read your other posts and refrained from answering because it seems that you already know what you must do but you are in so much pain...Just something to think about: Won't checking into his marital situation just keep you tied to this man and add more stress on top of what you're already dealing with? I don't think knowing what he's doing will give you closure. He's made a choice and to obsess over him and his life and 'tokens' will only keep you stuck in pain. You have to fight to let all of this go.

I know,I have no influence in this whatsoever, and seems nothing will satisfy. I am simply miserable, you are right. I am trying, but go from wanting him back and honestly doing what is right by not contacting him, but in my mind... I am in agony. If he were a million miles away it might be easier, but a few blocks... very hard. Honestly, before even beginning the relationship I told myself this was the last try I would ever make for any relationship. 15 years being celibate, you know I was trying to be very choosy and I couldn't believe I chose a married man, but he seemed like that thing some people talk about - soul mate. I feel I gave everything I am, and nothing is left of me. That's a lot why I want it back. It was my one serious momento of everything I felt and I know will never have or feel again. I can't give of myself any more, I can't take any more rejections. I'm trying to heal, but honestly don't know it can happen. Sorry such a downer, I am simply hills and valleys and very very low. I loved him. Thanks for your input, it was sincere and kind.