I visit a number of forums, a few of which are "women's" forums, and I am quite surprised at the number of women who will secretly go through their significant other's (whether it be boyfriend or husband) cellphone call logs and/or email.

My confusion is based on TRUST...

1) If you have so little trust in someone that you have to stealthily go through call logs and email w/out them knowing, why would you remain with them?
2) Trust is a 2 way street - if you are breaking your s/o's trust by sneaking into his private communications, why should he trust you?
3) Why bother with a relationship that appears to be based on DISTRUST?

This is out of curiosity. I'm sure there are circumstances that I'm not understanding. I simply cannot see myself doing this and would like to know what drives this behavior.

I am really interested in seeing everyone's feedback!

Thanks!

NerdGirl

Also, to the men out there...

If you found out that your girlfriend/wife were going through your cellphone call logs and/or email, what would your reaction be and why?

I've known both men and women to do what you have stated here, so it's not just women who do it to men.

I did it and I found out what I had suspected for months. So yes maybe I should have just walked away but I got tired of the lies, the there "is noone but you baby" so when I had proof and confronted him with it, he still tried to lie at first. Then he came clean. So I had not done it he would have continued doing what he was doing and getting away with it. Am I proud I had to go that route, no I am not. I did it and am glad I did, now he isn't making me look a fool anymore. So as for the trust issue, obviously I didn't trust him as much as he or I would have liked but that is because of the situation. And he had told so many little lies trying to cover his tracks that it became obvious what he was doing.

Would I do it again, no. And the reason I would not is because it hurt so much. In the future if I feel something is out of oridnary I'll just walk instead of subjecting myself to more pain.

Just4Me - Thank you for being candid and sharing your experience. I can understand that there may be circumstances where perhaps this behavior is instigated by suspicion. I also don't doubt that there are a great deal of men who do the same thing.

Your welcome Nerd. I have known ladies whose husbands do it to them just because they are so jealous and possesive. And though the woman hasn't done anything wrong thats how the men keep them under there thumbs. I'm sure there may be some women who do the same thing.

In my case it wasn't about being jealous, it was about being lied to. And when I did it I got yelled at for "snooping" and I had not been fishing I wouldn't have had to deal with the pain of it. So see he was more mad that he got caught and how he got caught and it was ALL my fault for looking for it.

I have checked my husband's email and call log. When we first started dating I trusted him blindly and after we were married I found out he had cheated several times.

I left him and we remained seperated for three months but got back together in January were he swears he will never cheat again. If he does cheat again, I'll simply leave him, but I love him enough to give our marriage a second shot.

My thought now is trust, but varify (spelling?).

In the beginning I checked his messages, emails and call log every couple hours (secretly), now I check his emails once in a while and never touch his cellphone.

I check his emails if I get a bad feeling or start to suspect something... but other than that, he is regaining my trust.

I'm a guy.

I've seen a few women online and IRL that snoop through their mens phone, I think it's pathetic. If you don't trust someone, leave them.

If I catch you going through my phone or email - that's it, relationship over.

I would leave before I would spy. For me, trust is the most important part of a relationship - without trust, the rest isn't worth the effort.

Maybe my wife is cheating - but I will act as if I can trust here completely until I have no other choice.

I would not leave my wife if she spied on me - but if I found out for sure, it would badly hurt the relationhsip. If I found out for sure that she was spying on me to try to catch me cheating, I would feel that gave me a right to cheat as long as I could get away from it. After all without trust, it is just a game to see what you can get away with.

But - I am not going to try to catch her spying - that in itself would be spying.