Hi,

I'm a 37 year old married woman currently separated from my husband and I'm seeing a married man P. It was fun when it started because we both thought it would be a fling. I met him February 24, 2008 during that time I had advised him that I and my husband were getting ready to go through a separation and we just needed to decide who was going to move out. He said he too was separated.

Well after seeing this man and hanging out all hours of the night with him I decided it was best I move out so that I wouldn't continue to disrespect my husband and marriage while living at home. I held up to my end of bargain as stated when I first met this dude. I've been in my apartment since March 27, 2008 (approximately 2 1/2 months).

Even with all the hanging out to the early hours of the morning, the next day or even Mothers Day weekend in Galveston Texas. That's right Mothers Day Weekend. Can you believe this man is actively living at home with his wife? He says he's in love me and he loves me very deeply but he's still at home with his wife and two sons 6 and 8. We spend 4-6 days out of the week together. He comes straight after work around 6p-10p and sometimes he'll go home and come around 7p-4a. We even hang out on one if not both weekend days. During that time we go to the clubs for drinks, dancing and entertainment. He gives me money and lots of quality time. Did I mention that we also spend my lunch breaks together from 2-3 days weekly when he's in between work assignments? My friends say I see him more than they see there single boyfriends.

With all that being said he's still at home with his wife V. I've come to the painful conclusion that this man despite what he says is at home with his wife because he wants to be. That's so painful because I'm deeply in love with this man. At the age of 37 I have fallen in love for the first time. It's so sad that I must end it. It has only been several months (February 24, 2008 till now June 12, 2008). I refuse to let it go on for 6 months or more. I've just started seeing a therapist as of yesterday because I really need help. I'm in too deep to go through this alone. I want to take full responsibly by addressing the real issue of what's going on with me the reason why I'm in this situation.

I love him very much but I don't want to continue down this pathway the way it is because it's very destructive to me and my self esteem. I have become so emotional since all of this. I'm often sad and I cry a lot. I'm not really enjoying life these days. Here it is I've finally gotten away from my husband just to go through this stuff. Life should be great for me right now. Let me explain why. I had weight loss surgery nearly two years ago and I just recently had a tummy tuck. I've also landed a new career making 10k more than previous job. I am really tripping.

Also let's touch on the subject of my husband. He's made some real changes since I've been gone but not enough to bring me home. How ever my therapist asked me a question about my husband and my response was “if we were stranded and we only had one piece of chicken he would give it to me while he starved". The therapist said “WOW! You still admire him". I've never thought of it like that. May be I have all that I need. Anyway I’m not sure but I will finish out my six month apartment lease.

I'm ashamed because I just want things to work out between P and myself but I know it's not. Did I mention he had and eight year affair that just ended prior to us meeting? This is someone he was seeing before and after him and Vgot married. Yes, he was seeing this woman T for all of his marriage. He told me she finally broke it off because she just couldn't take it anymore however they still talk according to him and the phone bill.

I just wanted to share this sick and twisted story with others. The million dollar question is why do I feel like I'm the one that completes him? What's your feed back?

Just my opinion - That's because he wants you to think that, and he apparently had the other woman of 8 years thinking the same thing. Why would he leave his wife if he can "have his cake and eat it to"?

Because you have completed yourself...He was the man that was with you when you let out all that you are as a woman and released her..She was there all along but the new you bubbles with self confidence...You have been reborn....You are glowing with the new person inside you....She is glorius and you are having the time of your life.....and this is good...

Forget about the other guy....He is a player....You are not...You have escaped that place in your life where you were an overweight and you felt unattractive woman......Don't jump back into that frying pan again...Take your time...Stay out on that lease...If you go back to your husband make sure that he is the one....Don't jump.....Have an affair with him.....Do your thing honey, live with that wonderful and sexual new woman that lives inside your body.....

Being a woman so madly in love with a man, I can walk your walk in life with you....Now enjoy the new you....

Take care, Caroline

I would clap my hands right now if you could see them, for "seeing"....

At least it was 6 months, not 8 years, well done...

All the time, money, effort he put in drew you in deeply...

His wife has to know, she can't be that silly to note him, never home, she probably can't leave him either.

Possibly, your "in love" with all the attention that he gave, left right and centre and you felt proud, loved, until you established the reality of the situation.

AND, the woman around for 8 years? Imagine! She couldn't let go, i assume he told you about her, how can he feel proud for ruining 8 years of her life, staying married, never ever wanting to leave, he has an 8 year old child? So, he started when his wife was pregnant?

He's a nasty man, not one whom you should ever "state" you were in love with regardless if the sex was also the best you had, he's not a player, he's the ultimate a/h...

So glad your not the woman of 8 years, at 37.....

CW

I agree completely with CW.

He is an a.ss...

Now I take this whole story a little too close to home considering my husband cheated on me three times. The other women knew about me too, and frankly, I didn't have a clue about them. I should have but I was blind. My husband said he was always working, going out with friends, visiting his mothe, etc., and I believed him.

I lost a pregnancy because a few women figured that my marriage wasn't as important as their sexual urges and slept with the man I swore the rest of my life to.

I cannot respect any woman who would sleep with a married man, or anyone who would ever cheat. And I don't think people should respect themselves after doing it. You don't know how many lives you (and he - but you are also responsible since you know he is married) could destroy.

I wish I could let every woman who sleeps with a married man know that it was because of a woman just like her that I lost my baby boy.

Most threads i have ever read here, all say the same thing. They "did not know" that he was married when they started seeing him.

Most men, are clever at keeping that to themselves at the same time, and when it eventually comes out, as everyone gets caught cheating, then the woman has been with him for a considerable amount of time, enough to "fall in love", with him.

I agree, a woman should not respect themselves after for doing it, and most do seek assistance, in getting over it, it's very hard... it takes time before they can understand all the lies, that he has told her, usually pertaining to such a bad marriage and he wants to leave, giving false hope...

Some guys certainly make it clear, it's just a "fling" or "one night stand" and move on to another... But, most, knowing they can have a wife at home and a woman in the corner, if they are that way inclined will go to the end of the earth to keep her there, maintain that "cake whilst eating it"...

The fact that "you" established that he was married, and are doing something about it and moving on, is a very bold and wise move.

Rarely, does a wife get the chance to express how they feel, as to what their husband has done, and the pain she feels, felt and things she has gone through..

I think it's "bold" also, of you Fiona to allow a woman to see the other side, with that type of pain...



CW