what should I do from this point?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-22-2008 04:17 PM

Foxy1
I never give him time to show me anything he says It just seems that im complaining.

Hard for someone to prove that what you see, is not necessarily the person as a whole, rather what he/she is being co-orced to defend therefore not allowing their true self to come out...

Complaining eventually sends them to the front door of never return...

Good that you recongise what he is saying and want to make those changes...

I would call it "insecurity", a fear of not wanting the relationship to break up...

And so, you continually work on your emotional needs, consequently seeking approval, nice words, i love you....

You don't want him to be a parrot and forget how he really feels?

Good for you...

CW

**Foxy1** · 06-23-2008 03:25 PM

you really are helping me open my eyes and making me see things differently. so thanks for you replies, Idont want to be so insecure about things but I will admit that I am. I am scared to loose the relationship which causes me to act kinda crazy in a way. How can I calm my self down and not be so scared cause thats when i start to mess things up. Should It feels like im crawling to him and begging him to make things work I dont want to be that way or feel that way, I need some guidence in how to gain confidence and not be scared to loose him. I want to make him happy and I want to be happy but I dont feel i should have to beg for it do u have any suggestions for me. I think one of my biggest problems is I feel like he isnt seeing the real me he is just judding me from what ive been acting like and it hurts me real bad it make me feel that even if I act better will he see and think better about me again or will he still think that about me still even though there might be a lil inprovment. I think that if he saw that I was more confident and not insecure than things would be alot better....

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-23-2008 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by Foxy1

you really are helping me open my eyes and making me see things differently. so thanks for you replies, Idont want to be so insecure about things but I will admit that I am. I am scared to loose the relationship which causes me to act kinda crazy in a way. How can I calm my self down and not be so scared cause thats when i start to mess things up. Should It feels like im crawling to him and begging him to make things work I dont want to be that way or feel that way, I need some guidence in how to gain confidence and not be scared to loose him. I want to make him happy and I want to be happy but I dont feel i should have to beg for it do u have any suggestions for me. I think one of my biggest problems is I feel like he isnt seeing the real me he is just judding me from what ive been acting like and it hurts me real bad it make me feel that even if I act better will he see and think better about me again or will he still think that about me still even though there might be a lil inprovment. I think that if he saw that I was more confident and not insecure than things would be alot better....

I think that if he could not see the "inner you" he would not be with you, not stay..

It therefore is "you" that needs to see the "inner you" and realise that.

Confidence? Go shopping in a book store for self help books, motivational books and start reading... Write on a little sticker, affirmations such as "I'm confident" and post it in places you will see it.

Look in your wardrobe and rid of all stuff that makes you feel daggy, if you can afford it, buy 2 items that you love, if not, find a jar and start putting coins in it, and then do it. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, there's nothing to be in-secure about he's with you and smile.

It's all about the inner you, coming out, instead of hiding and feeling insecure as a result.

Each time you want to ask "do you love me" say, love you babe and walk away.

Start with that, you'd be amazed at the difference you feel...

CW

**Foxy1** · 06-24-2008 12:22 PM

I dont want to be to forward but the most thing thats making me insecure the most is him wantting to watch porn and he does it behind my back and hides it from me. He said that he wouldnt hide anything from me any more after I found out he was hiding it. I feel like he hides things from me now. He also said he couldnt be hiself around me anymore which he is working on that but he says I make him seem like a bad person. I just want him to be able to talk to me again and not feel like he has to hide things or cant be himself around me about anything. right now he feels like he cant and it doesnt feel like a relationship to either of us but we are both willing to get better. I just cant stand the distance. but thanks I was checking into the book store and I skimed through some books but I havent bought one yet i really need to .

**Foxy1** · 06-24-2008 03:18 PM

He only see me as a young girl ang hold that over my head. today he went and had his hair cut and she was flirting and kinda resting his head against her cheast it really was inaproperiate to me she had and kept doing it and she work on his hair for like 30 mins im not even joking. I mentioned something about it and he said that of course that I had to act jelous he said that 60% of the time im jelous and that im acting young he said thats why he wanted it to end so bad. we have a 7 yr age difference. maybe that was an act of jelousy but he acts like he never get jelous and for the most part he doesnt. how do i over come jelousy it is effecting me very bad.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-24-2008 03:33 PM

Foxy 1
I dont want to be to forward but the most thing thats making me insecure the most is him wantting to watch porn and he does it behind my back and hides it from me

Your not being forward.. I'll leave this part alone... A completely different issue that you will get a variety of comments on... But to clarify? This to you is a "new" thing?
As, i will state, if so, the relationship has been somewhat rocky for a while perhaps he is just wanting to see intimacy and missing it.

Foxy 1
today he went and had his hair cut and she was flirting and kinda resting his head against her cheast it really was inaproperiate to me she had and kept doing it and she work on his hair for like 30 mins im not even joking.

Unfortunately, a lot of hair dressers do that, even women hairdressers to women regarding head placed on chest... when cutting hair..

Flirting? Most people do it.. I do it... But what counts in a relationship, is open flirting, nothing intended by it, nature... Flirting is good for the soul, reminds you that you are attractive to the other species and that keeps "confidence levels" up...

How do you stop jealousy?

Go buy that book...

CONFIDENCE..

CW

**Foxy1** · 06-24-2008 06:14 PM

no its not new that has been an issue for a while and it has been getting to me more so now than before i dont know if its because we have been so distance or what. I t is getting carried away. i think i was being to jelous today he did nothing wrong.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-24-2008 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by Foxy1

no its not new that has been an issue for a while and it has been getting to me more so now than before i dont know if its because we have been so distance or what. I t is getting carried away. i think i was being to jelous today he did nothing wrong.

Perhaps your jealousy therefore is stemming from the fact that he watches Porn..

May i suggest you pose the scenario in a new thread as this is a different issue really and maybe you can gain clarification..

It is getting you down obviously.

CW

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