What to do when your boyfriend never wants to have sex but masterbates all the time

**sad girl** · 06-26-2008 10:53 PM

Hi I am 28 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We probably didnt start our relationship in the best way. We first met almost 2 years ago. Neither one of us was ready for a relationship because we had just got out of very bad ones. We started hanging out a lot and getting to know each other. We always had a great time. We were having sex almost every single time we hung out.

During this time we were both seeing other people and we both new about it and it was ok. But after about a year of this we both decided that we wanted to be with each other and no one else. So we started dating. I noticed that after we became an item our sex life had changed a lot. Me being a very sexual person and he always was too until this point, I had to mention it to him and ask him what was going on. Pretty much it turns out that when he is emotionally attached to someone its very different for him. He said before it was just sex but now there is feelings involved.

We have now been dating almost a year and have had this issue through out the relationship. I am always bringing it up to him. He loves me and he loves to cuddle and always wants to be around me. But we go sometimes 2 months with no sex. This is killing me. The other thing is, he masterbates ALL the time. Sometimes he lets me sit there and watch him because I like to watch while I play too. But other times he has me sit down stairs and wait for him. He says he was horny and just wanted to take care of it quick, but sometimes it is several hours. Sometimes he has me come up and "help him finish' in other words he just wants me to swallow.

I do not know how to get across to him how this makes me feel. We talk about it all the time and I tell him it makes me feel like he dosnt want me and he assures me that he does and that I just have to let it happen when it happens.

If he really does want me and want to have sex with me then why does he choose to masterbate to porn all the time when he can have me when ever he wants.

Also during these conversations he always tells me he is worried he dosnt please me sexually. And when we actually do have sex he does please me. He knows this. We have great sex. If he is so worried about not pleasing me- then why not try sometimes instead of just masterbating to porn everyday?

How can I get him to want me the way he used to?

**damd** · 06-27-2008 12:35 AM

I guess the ultra simplistic answer would be to dump the loser. Maybe he's not ready for real relationships yet. Maybe he just wants to have sex with whomever he wants and since he is in this sexual twilight zone, he reverts to having imaginative sex with women instead of straight out cheating on you. It's not your fault, he just needs to grow up. Maybe give him some space, break it off, go back to the way it was before. And if he finally grows up, in reasonable amount of time, pick it back up again. But if someone else comes along don't wait for him. He sounds like he still wants to be a bachelor with a really good sexual friend. Just my thought, could be way wrong.

Best of luck to you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-27-2008 03:36 AM

Personally, i wouldn't be wasting my time unless he goes and seeks help as to "why"...

Because there is an issue there...

As for non - respect, you wait up-stairs, no, come down and help me at the end by swollowing, no, i'm shutting myself away for hours, okay, we can have sex now????????????????

CW

**what2do** · 06-27-2008 06:11 PM

Is he lazy or what? Overweight? Not excuses or anything but that is pretty bad. I would never do that to my woman. At the VERY least sex is a great workout. He is a loser.

**sad girl** · 06-29-2008 04:23 PM

Thank you for your answers and they all sound pretty dead on what I was thinking.
And to respond- no he is not over weight or lazy... he is actually a personal trainer.
But I think the response of him looking at other pics and videos and wanting to still be a bacholer while having me at his disposal, fits it to a T.
Thank you so much.

**whilhelm** · 06-30-2008 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by sad girl

How can I get him to want me the way he used to?

you'll have to get rid of the porn.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-30-2008 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by whilhelm

you'll have to get rid of the porn.

Very true. But how does she do that?

Totally agree, but in addition, he is controlling how and what he wants, belittling her if you may, you will do this, i will do that,

Hard to determine the best means of how?

CW

**sad girl** · 07-02-2008 12:16 AM

Well he has already said he was going to get rid of it a few months ago. And well, that never happened. So I dont really see that as an option.

**soldatka** · 07-03-2008 02:02 PM

He sounds like a selfish so-and-so to me. And he doesn't seem to care about your feelings. I would be encouraging him to pack his bags. There are better men out there but you won't find them while you're "finishing off" this lazy man.

**Fire(m)** · 07-13-2008 06:26 PM

He is selfish...and he is an idiot. If a woman was going to make love to me, there's no way I'd go masturbate and have her come "finish me off" only when it isn't working for me.

This is abuse, plain and simple. It's emotional abuse, and you need to kick his butt to the curb as quickly as you can. I'm sorry to say that, but that's my honest opinion.

Noone ought to be that selfish.
Hope this works out for you and you decide to kick him out.
Cheers.

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