Dear Shelley:Originally Posted by shelley
Every once in a while a particular post will drag me out...I will be looking at the Forum wondering what is new and then see something that stirs me...Your post did.... I have had both a woman that was after my husband and right before we were married been the woman in an affair....Seeing I did not know about the woman that was waiting at the hotel for him until years later, this did not haunt me as it has haunted you...But I can tell you I have written at least three blogs on how this tore me up...Wondering if he was telling me the truth, going through her waiting naked for him in the room, her telling him what she wanted to do to him...All these things haunted me..And they still do but they also make for some great love making...For ever since I knew about this, I have became his hotter than hot woman 23 years younger than I am, who years ago wanted to sexually tear him apart...Sometimes I wonder if he knows it...Well, I can tell you this, he sure enjoys it.. ....
I love your approach...Getting away by yourself...Finding yourself and composing...Thinking of what you have and letting it stir your heart....You sound like such a wonderful and caring woman...In times like this when it gets bad as the hurt is still there, just imagine what if she had him and count your blessings....You have him and he belongs to you...You will never know what this other woman did to have this rendezvous with him...Women are tyrants...They need man...They hunger for him and like an animal, they go after their prey...Even though I realize I am speaking of my own species, I also know my own species...For I was one of them years ago when I was young and beautiful and not yet knowing the virtues of a wonderful marriage and what I could have done to another woman...These are the things that you will have to look out for in the future...Oh, honey, trust him with your life...But find that woman in you that you were when you first met and keep him close that way...Be all that you used to be and forget that hussy that was in bed with him...Don't give him cause to doubt you but instead adore him and let him know this every day of your life...Love him to death....Thank God for what you have and just be happy....
You see, I am both of these two people, but I have learned through life...I loved him and do love him more than I can ever say....Oh, and we will be married 50 very hot and sex filled years this Fall....With these words, I wish you and the OP well....May you find what we have found....XX Caroline
i see where mom is coming from...
I would believe an emotional affair would hurt more than a sexual one. Although phone are wrong and would kick him out for either one, I just think one more weighs than the other.
With the sexual one, there's no connection emotionally or spiritually just physically. Just sex.
With the emotional one you have feelings for the other person, making it more of an inner type of relationship. In any case, they are both wrong but the emotional would hurt me more than the physical.
Having been on both sides of this issue, I'm not sure that it's real love between the hubby and the other woman, but there's some emotional need that he isn't seeming to get at home. It's not always one persons fault, usually there is blame on both sides. The wife may find that he's more interested in having it right at home than right somewhere else. getting to right at home isnt always easy to do.
There are 2 sides to every story and then what really happened.
mine would take about twice as many pages as "war and peace" is in large type.
i dont know if how will some react to this but i just want to give a thought from the other side also.
years ago, i suddenly found myself reading messages from an unknown number. at first i didnt really pay attention to it coz i thought it was just missent. but then, the sender also mentioned my name and she called me a and a home wrecker. i was surprised for i couldnt even think of who's home did i wreck in the first place? it turned out she's the wife of one of my bosses in the office where i had my ojt.
i cant deny the fact that i became friendly with that boss, but i know i was friendly to all of them because ""i needed a high grade so badly"... i am a good listener they say, and when the office spends out a night to dine and drink, i would just sit there listen to the men's woes about home, their wife, kids, etc etc... since i listen to most of them and have no first hand experience with marriage yet, i just smile and say i understand what they were talking about. i didnt realize that one particular man has i think emotionally fallen for me.
the night before i was bombarded with angry messages, i got calls from that particular man. i just saw the missed calls when i woke up at 2am that morning. i went early to bed that night coz we just finished spending sleepless nights on our thesis...
that 9am, i texted back asking my ex-boss how he was and that i just saw his calls that morning...
then came afternoon, i was suddenly bombarded with angry messages from which looked to be from an angry wife...
i immediately went to my sister in law and asked her what to do, she dealt with it and assured the woman that i had nothing to do with whatever was happening between them..
the man admitted to me after sometime that he somehow fell for me, that he just wanted to talk to me that night for he and his wife just had a fight.. he wanted to ask me what to do about his anger so he could settle things with his wife..
he said he didnt have intentions of being serious with me, he just wanted a younger woman for a friend..
since then, after hearing his side, i also told him that i dont have intentions of entertaining him or being involved with a family man. i myself am a product of a broken home. i have no intentions of letting some kids experience the pain i felt.. and so i broke my communication with him. i just wanted him to tell his wife i have no faults towards her.. when i get emails from him after that incident, i never tried to answer back..
so i hope this one will make you feel better...
that the husband also have complaints or find problems they couldnt tell the wife, such that they result to finding for female friends who they think could understand the issue and give them advice...
your husband admitted there was no physical relations so i think you have to be really at ease..
i am now married and i dont want to go thru such pain you are also going thru..
oh, i also forgot to add that sometimes, we cant blame other women falling in love with a married man.. married men are really good at making another woman fall in love with them.. that's true... it's just up to the woman of his interest to really do her best to resist the advances or wooing.. but i think many really also cant help themselves but fall for the married man...
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 09-26-2008 at 03:11 PM. Reason: merge posts
I think its an emotional affair
I just joined and have been reading everyones story regarding the emotional affair. I found out that my husband of 16 years is I think having an emotional affair. It has been about 1-2 years since we started to be distant, not having sex often, mostly it was me not wanting. To be honest I was always like that. Anyway, for a while now he has been distant from me not hanging out on the couch watching TV, always in the garage working. I decided to go through his cell phone. OMG I found a couple of text messages, stating I Love you, I want you, I need you ETC..... Obviously they said I love you one another. I was in shock, never would have thought he would do this, stormed upstairs and asked Are you cheating on me? He jumped out of bed and said no!!!!! He was just talking to her. Then he said it was just talk nothing else, would never cheat. I was sick. We discussed it a couple of times and I wanted to divorce. He said he swears it was nothing just talk, Iam the love of his live, nobody can take my place etc.... I cried, but I thought how do I know for sure nothing happened, or is it over? Will I trust him again? Right now, I am going to try to work it out. I love him, I know he loves me and I am part to blame for not giving him the love and compassion he yerned for. What he did was wrong. He cant apologize enough. I need advice on how to get over something and not think about. I havent seen a marriage counselor yet. Do you think it will help? I really havent spoke to anyone about this. But I will tell you one thing, like I read in another message, I think knowing that someone wanted him makes me more attrative to him. I think about having sex with him all the time. I dont know why that is though. Right now we are doing pretty good, but we will see. After reading all these messages, I understand why they have emotional affairs. Any input would be helpful.
I am NOW living through this. My husband has/is having an emotional affair with another woman. It has been going on for over a year now. Dispite the fact that she is with someone else now, engaged and pregnant, he can't/won't leave her alone. I am moving out in Oct, and am scared to death. But, for my own sanity, I can't stay here any longer. He continues to text, email and talk on the phone to this 'person'...he has even gone so far as to pay her electric bill, cell phone bill and went to motherhood maternity when he found out she was pregnant and bought her a $200 gift card!!!! You can only imagine what my life has been. She knows he is married, has told him he is not her type and that she only considers him a friend...WHAT THE EVER!!!! He is whacked, and she is even more whacked. I know that I will be better off without him than I am living this life every single day.
I am so so very sorry you are going through this. I sometimes think it would easier if he had slept with her, maybe not...I may not be the person who can give you advice about this, I'm not very trusting of him just yet...but if you ever need to talk, PM me, I'll be around.
I do want to know one thing...how can men/women do this when they know the other person is married??? Doesn't anyone believe in karma anymore??!!
~Kim
Dealt with this with my first husband. He had several affairs, was always in love with someone, usually someone who was unobtainable. I don't know which of them he slept with, presumably he did with at least a few because I kept getting vaginal infections (this was back when STDs were limited to a list of 3 or 4 possiblities, all of which were fully curable). It wouldn't have hurt so much if he hadn't always been 'in love' with them, if it had just been sex I'd probably have been able to deal with it. I finally realise that it was a mommy thing. I was supposed to love him unconditionally, he would make these little emotional forays and then return, back to wifey who was always there. Needless to say the marriage didn't last. I've been told by people who've seen him over the years that I've now become his long lost love, tragically separated, He's never remarried. Maybe it was about wanting what you can't have because he surely can't have me! Trust once destroyed, is hard to rebuild, yet I've known people who've done it and have strong marriages now. You'll have to decide. Either you trust him and take his word for what happened and let it go or you have to get out. Living in doubt will tear you both apart.
Hi!! I am very pleased to hear the things that u have wrote coming from u. I am only 24, and i have just got married for 4 months now to my high school sweetheart (He is 30 years). In 2006 he had me pregnant together with this other woman he was cheating with. I only find out when i was pregnant. He apologied and said he is not seeing her anymore. Deep inside my heart i believe him. He chose to marry me over her, I just dont know what does that mean, does it mean it was a mistake or what. They have a child now and i had a still born. I have never seen the child and the woman and i dont wish to meet them.
I want to be a good wife to him. I have tried to leave but i think i love him more. I have even tried cheating and i find myself not connected to those people. Somehow i dont know if i will ever leave him. I want to work on this marriage.
So what i have told him is that he can support his child but he should never expect me to love the child or to invite the child to our place. He should not let me know when he sees the child and i have made a promise to myself that if i want to be happy i wont open his cellphone and e-mails, coz i use to do that before and if i find something i will start to fight him and at the sometime i dont have courage to leave him. So for me to stay and be happy i dont want to know about the other child, coz when they had an affair i did not know about it and now they have a child i should also not know about it.
At first i tried to be envolved to the child support and only to find that it hurts to know what is going on more than if i am not envolved, coz the woman makes it imposible.He does try to show me that he is sorry, but i dont want to give that other woman a chance to get to my house, coz if a agree to the child she will also start coming to my house and i might just encourage them to keep the affair.
By the way the woman is 30 years lonely desparte for marriage, i am not going to give her a chance. Somehow i want her to feel the pain she has caused me.
Pls give me an advice on how to give my husband love, in a way that he will forget about her. I want to please him and make him think about me all the time. Ohh!! i know he loves the child, which is who he is, a resposible man.
My husband is not a cheater, i hate to admit but i am to blame for his cheating. I use to tell him to take a break from our relationship when i am stressed with my vasity work, which of course i didnt mean it. And now he tells me that he thought i was cheating on him, coz i was studying far from where he stayed. Yes he is a man to keep, a man who is compable of being a good husband and a father.
recovering from a husband's emotional affair
I feel your pain! I have been with my husband since I was 14. He is four years holder than me so he has always been more than the love of my life. He has taken care of me and provided for me like a parent would. He tought me to drive, bought me my first car, and has guided me through every improtant decision in my life. Now, at 34, we have been married for 16 years and have two wonderful children. I always knew he loved me and I never had a reason not to trust him completely. I have never one time doubted him or thought he was lying to me. In my mind I had the only perfect man God created. Feeling this way, you can imagine the shock and pain I felt last summer when I found out he was staying up late every night to talk on the phone with a 24 year old girl he works with (he is 39). We have always had a remarkable connection so I could sense that something was wrong and he kept dropping hints like he wanted me to find out. One night I finally asked him what was wrong. He told me that Jessica (the girl) had been spending time with him during lunch and breaks and he found himself starting to have feelings for her. The next morning, there was a text message on his phone asking if she could call him. This is how I found out about the phone calls. This devistated me. That was last year and now things seem to be wonderful in our marriage. We never seperated and we were determined to work things out. We actually have a better relationship now than we ever have. The only problem is that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what we went through. He is still working with her and even though she is seeing someone and I can honestly say that I trust him again (not like before) I still have thoughts in the back of my head about what may be going on. There are times that I go to his job to eat lunch with him (just to make my presence known) and I go out of my way to avoid her. The big issue is that she thinks that we should be friends now and I shouldn't have any resentment towards her. My husband feels this way too and he will defend her if I say something negative by saying "don't be that way." This is like a knife in my back. He still feels sorry for her because she doesn't have any realy family ties and has had a hard life. I hate it for her but the fact is, she tried to saduce my husband and there is no excuse for that. I have spoken with her several times and she has yet to appologize for the pain she caused me. I want to move on and forget about her but I just can't. As for my relatinship with my husband, it is wonderful now but there are still some things that I have trouble with. I find myself pampering him constantly like I am the one that has to make up for something I did wrong. I wish he would do something to make me feel special occasionally. Our sex life has gone from disasterous to WONDERFUL so that is not at all what I am talking abount. I need simple things like flowers (even if they are pick from our yard), watching the kids and paying for me to get a pedicure, or dropping by my work to take me to lunch on his day off. My birthday is the end of August and I would love for him to suprise me with a small party of just our friends. I have never had that in my adult life (I suprised him with a party when he turned 30). The problem is, I can't tell him what I want because if I do, he will do it because I said to and not because he wants to. I just feel like, between him and two kids, I am the one making sure everyone else is happy and no one is making sure I am happy. If you have any suggestions for me they would be welcome.
(QOUTE My husband is having an emotionl affair with his secretary. He keeps denying it although I have sufficient behavioral evidence of this. They have set times of the night when they email. I have tried sneeking up on him but he is extremely clever and very quick on the computer. He quickly closes the programme down when I enter the room. He has told me constantly that he loves me and is concerned about me because I have symptoms of delusional behavior. This behaviour is apparently documented!!!! He keeps telling me that everything is in my mind!!! I caught him emailing on his iPhone one day and he denied that he was doing anything on the phone although I actually same him busy on it!! He just closed the gmail accoount down and I didn't know his passwords etc. once I got into his car and the car seat was wAyy back. He had forgotten to push it back into place! When I'm around he hovers around his cellphone. If he thinks he heard it beep he slyly picks it up and takes it into another room to look at it then comes out with it in his pocket. He straight away deletes all messages. He is very sly and he lies a lot. I have caught him out on many occasions lying to me. What I cannot take is that he keeps throwing it back to my "mental condition" . He is driving me insane. He says I have no HARD evidence. While this is true, the behaviour is proof enough for me. I am almost beginning to feel as if I am going insane. He even takes his iPad to the loo!!!!! at certain time on weekends. I have noticed that evenings are at 10:00 pm - probably a goodnight call. And weekends 08:30 am and 3:00 pm afternoons. Please help!!!!
Posting Permissions
LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks