Trust issues
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and when I met him (when he was 18) he had never even kissed a girl before, I was his first everything, he always spent all his time working since he was 10 and in the garage, he's a real country boy, now in my past relationship I was best friends with the guy for 2 years and then we dated for a year and a half before he cheated on me. That took me a very long time to get over and now with my new boyfriend I am slowly killing our relationship with my jealousy/trust issues. I worry that since I'm the only one that my boyfriend has been with that he will be more likely to be tempted to cheat on me and I really don't want to feel that way again. My boyfriend is really quiet and doesn't discuss his feelings a lot and when we are out with his friends and someone mentions something about a girl being hot or something he'll always agree and it makes me really sad, even though when we are alone he makes me feel like I'm his number 1. I know that I'm being a bit of a crazy girlfriend for constantly worrying, and most of the time I just don't tell him cause I'm so embarassed. Has anyone ever felt like this? I'm not sure how to go about making myself feel a little better and being a little less crazy. I love him to death and he loves me but I just worry so much and overreact. I can drive myself crazy with things.. staying up all night for what most people would say is a petty little thing that I shouldn't even think twice about. Help? What can I do?
I understand where you're coming from.
My boyfriend had kissed other girls but we were each others first..everything else ;].
It is worring that it may make him more tempted to cheat ect but we have a strong realationship and talk about everything.
I think thats the main point. Just talk.
I understand that your feeling fragile after your past relationship and the way you were decieved. It is hard not to take this over into present and even future relationships.
Let your boyfriend know how you are feeling and that it is not about him but about what you have experienced before. Also let him know what your triggers are eg: him saying other girls are hot etc.
Just because you are his first doesn't mean he will cheat. You may not stay together forever, who knows what the future holds and you sound like you are both quite young.
Try and enjoy your relationship, other wise there is no point in being in it.
I agree with the last post, communication is the key.
I don't know about you but from my personal experience I had the feelings and they were right as I was my husbands first and a few weeks ago after being together for 14 years and 4 kids later he cheated. I guess it's just one day at a time but all I can advise you is to talk to him about your feelings and ask him how is feels about you being his first, ask him if he is curious about being with another women or even if it's crossed his mind maybe it has and maybe it hasn't. Keep in mind not all men are the same some of them are truly amazing and in their heart you will always be #1 no matter what. He does sound like a keeper so talk as communication is the only way to go. Good Luck
I'm a huge worry-er too. it can drive you crazy...and it is unhealthy. what i try to do (believe me its hard but it can work) is think positively about everything. remind yourself that he loves you and you love him. think about this too...if a hot girl walked by and he said she was ugly, you know he'd be lying..right? at least he feels comfortable enough in your relationship that he doesnt have to hide the fact that he might think another woman is hot. this is a good thing!Originally Posted by kgo
yes...you need to tell him how you feel even though he's not good with feelings. just say.."i was thinking, since i am the only partner you have ever had..are you curious about being with other women? if so, what is it that makes you curious?" just have a casual conversation instead of a serious crying kind of situation that will make him want to run in the other direction.
you will find true happiness living in the present instead of worrying about what might happen in the future.
i hope this helps.
Smile...it's not so bad.
Honestly people,
Her talking to her boyfriend is not going to do anything but waste both of there time. Its one of the conversations that just run in circles. Your young kjo most young ladies around your age act the very same way. Some of my earlier girlfriends did exactly what your saying.
She was always worried that I would cheat. Or even when i started casual conversations with some of my lady friends.
Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Your acting jealous and controlling to protect your relationship. The bad thing about this is that the very thing that your protecting is actually working against you. Your jealous acts are only going to drive a wedge between you and the one you love.
You need to work on your self confidence young lady. You have to know that no other female can treat him as good as you can. You have to be absolutely convinced of this, because if your not then your going to continue to do what you have been doing and you will get the results that you've always gotten.
Work on yourself and your problem will be solved. go on google and type in things like "Self esteem" or self confidence and work on it.
Hope this helps
Live laugh and love
Nice guys don't finish last, weak guys finish last.
LLL is right jealousy is a relationship killer and some things are better left unsaid.Pick your (battles) so to speak... some improve relationships some hinder them... Just because he agrees with the guys doesnt mean he wants her.... some guys just agree with their buddies. Is he just agreeing or is he going into detal about them?
Your young,life is short.Do you wanna spend your time worring over him or enjoying it with him? Appreciate what you have today.. nothing is sure about tomorrow.
If it wasn't for the bad times.... We wouldn't appreciate the good ones!
Thank you all for your replies, I know it's a little late but I haven't checked this forum in a while!
I've been doing a lot better and realized that there was no problem with our relationship, but with myself.
I started a cardio kickboxing class with a friend, went shopping for clothes that flattered my body type and have been eating healthy and I feel a million times better in all aspects of life.
Sitting around eating junkfood and feeling bad about myself was not doing me any good. When my friend got me into excersising (something completely new to me) I started changing a lot of things in my life and now I feel amazing.
Thanks for all the great advice!!!
Good for you KGO!!! Doing things for yourself is the best thing you could've ever have done. You have something very special so enjoy it and don't think about your past too much. Not every guy is going to be like your past cheater boyfriend and think about the fact that if he that had not happened you wouldn't not have met the great guy you have now. Everything happens for a reason, trust me I know a lot of us feel that way or at least I do. Also, about the whole girl thing while you are all out, it means he is comfortable with you and he is a guy, he's got to keep some sort of guy profile while hanging out. He sounds awesome. Hang on sister and enjoy your relationship. Our pasts do not dictate our future. That is a tough but true lesson to learn. All my best
I feel you except its my husband. When i went before god and my family and said this is the man for me. I DO. I have pledged myself and life to this man. But I always have this lil voice in the back of my head saying whats taking him sooo long to get home. he's getting home later cause he's making other stops on the way home. I mean I know in my heart for the most part that he isnt cheating. But sometimes I get that feeling and I get like my mom I start play private investigator. I go thru clothes, check email, or voicemail I feel bad afterwards but recently I did find something. but I dont want to feel like this. I have been cheated on and have cheated on others. And I know what they say PAYBACK is a B****
I think we should start a session Trust issues Anonamous. (spelling) And try to help each other with our trust issues.
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