I don't think I can do this anymore...

**Athens_rose** · 08-06-2008 08:59 PM

This might be a long story fair warning but It just feels like I have no one to talk to.

My bf and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. I had been single for about a year before I finally decided to settle down again. So I met him and when I did I thought he was amazing almost too good to be true, and it was just that i guess for me. About a month or two into us dating he told be he had a daughter who at the time was 4 turning 5. I never had been in a relationship with someone who had children and I tried to stay away from it for various reasons.

At first I thought I could handle it but now im finding out that I cant. I completely hate the daughters mom shes pretty much a leech. She got married to someone in the arm forces just so they could take care of her. And had a kid with him. The problem is that she keeps trying to suck everything she can from my bf. She wanted full rights to their kid, and after a while he just gave in and he gave them to her as long as he didnt have to pay child support anymore. This happened about three months ago and she still hasnt proccesed the paperwork for the courts to stop taking money away. I should also add that I moved in with him and money has been an issue in itself. He had got this girl accidently pregnant when he was 16 and the girl was 15, the child ended up being a whoops baby. Which isn't her fault just the irresponsible parents. Oh yeah and i found out the reason the girl wanted to have the kid was because she wanted to leave her parents house because she couldnt stand being there anymore so she saw that as outlet.

In any case im 22 and i have my whole life to live and I dont think i see myself with him any longer. I love him i really do, this is the first time i feel this way but i dont think i can handle this anymore. We went out in about an hour ago and he threw me being promiscous before i met him in my face calling me a "" and i told him i would of rather him be a "" than have had a kid. I never met this little girl, and he just tells me that im not mature enough to talk to about the problems and it hurts and at this point I just wanna give up. I tried talking to him about it but it just doesnt seem to go anywhere. We do live together so it makes it that much harder to just break this off, but i guess since we're not married or have kids of our own its not too bad.

I just to someone to tell me what they think of the situation and how i should go about this because honestly im hanging on by a string, and i really don't see myself taking this anymore. And one other thing that bothers me the most is that Im extremely close to my parents and they don't know the guy im with has a daughter and he refuses to tell them because in his mind he doesnt think theirs any reason since she's really not part of our life anymore which is bs because when shes old enough she might come looking for him. She knows who her real dad is. I really just wanna scream on top my lungs and run as fast and as far away from here to someone anyone but i cant because my friends will judge me and my families immediate answer will be to leave him...please help...

**Little** · 08-06-2008 09:52 PM

First of all, I don't understand how a 16 year old could be in the armed forces yet.
Second, if the mother has the child, the father will almost always have to pay child support. It's not fair for the woman to have to pay everything for a child the man has half-created. Is he the one who put it in your head that he shouldn't have to pay?
From my standpoint, this is something to walk away from. Not because he has a child, but because he's a deadbeat dad. He isn't treating his child's mother OR his child with respect, so he probably won't treat YOU with respect ... as he already isn't, if he's calling you promiscuous.

**Fire(m)** · 08-06-2008 10:03 PM

I agree with some of the points Little made.

This relationship sounds to me like for you to be involved, you're selling yourself way short. You don't have any baggage, and this guy has nothing BUT baggage. The fact that he has a kid that he would be willing to sign all rights away with so he doesn't have to pay money tells me that he's a not a good guy (I'm thinking something worse, but I'm sure they'd edit my true feelings out).

You seem like a smart girl...your gut instinct is telling you to get out and even though you love him, some things are tough. You'll find someone else you love more who doesn't have 1 trillion tons of baggage.

I think you need to break it off with him. Bigtime.
Sorry.

**Athens_rose** · 08-06-2008 10:45 PM

He had the kid with her when he was 16 and she was 15. It's not that he doesnt want to pay child support but the women wants more than he makes. Now shes 22 and is married to a man in the armed forces. my bf was never in the armed forces. He didnt want to sign rights away but she kept insisting until he gave in. The child support was never going to the the little girl it was going to the mother to waste away in god knows what. Honestly this woman is the true meaning of a leech. She goes from guy to guy to see who will take care of her until she finally found one.

Maybe i should go with my gut instinct but its just so hard. For the most part he is really loving just every time his ex comes up and his kid it always turns into an argument. And it pisses me off that the woman is that way I mean she got what she wanted and that is still not enough you know??

**Little** · 08-06-2008 10:53 PM

The courts should be able to decide what is fair and what he can pay. If there's a problem with what they're taking from him, he should attempt to change it.
It seems he's not taking responsibility for his actions. This child is going to be part of his life for as long as that child lives, and hopefully that will be until long after your boyfriend dies. If it's this much drama already, it's bound to get worse.
Only you can decide what to do.

**MynxV** · 08-07-2008 05:38 PM

I see where your coming from Athens, you feel that your partner is being used by this women. I'm assuming he doesnt get to see his kiddo if the women is that anal about the whole child support. Truth is there is women who are leeches and like to suck the system and milk it for all it's worth. You either have to accept and swallow your pride or keep that head up and move on.

If you do however decide to stay with this kind which from the above posts dont think hes a "dead beat dad" because im sure he tried to stay in his kids life but feels this would be the best for the child since the mother and him dont get a long. Hopefully one day she'll understand. You should either suck it up and stop throwing at his face about the past or let it go cuz theres no scense in staying with someone if your constantly going to bring up the past.

About him calling you "promiscous" he's gonna have to chill and you should definitely tell him that is just going to be a no no anymore. If he loves you he'll understand and even if you do live with him ur not married so as hard as it is to look else where it's probably going to be the best for you. <33

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