i think shes gone for good..

**leelee** · 08-12-2008 07:22 PM

ok i have been goin out wit my boyfriend for 6months...
my best friend never liked him an whenever me an him got in a fite she would just tell me to break up wit him....
then one night she was stayin over in mine an i got in to a hugh fite with my boyfriend because he said he hates me been around her....we sorted it ou but me an her dont talk dat much anymore i havent been with her since den an all the girls i usta be wit seem to have all gone.... so its just me an my boyfriend an some of his friends.... is there anyway i could get them to like eachoder...
please help

**OG612** · 08-12-2008 08:19 PM

Ms. Leelee, for your sake, I hope there's a way to work it out. But, first things first... why does your girl hate your man? If it's "I get a vibe from that fool" then she needs to grow up. If her dislike of him is substantiated, then you have a bridge to cross. Do you try to get them to like each other? Does he like her? Does he feel the same way about her?

You'll need to figure out what the discourse is all about and resolve it from there. But don't be surprised if you come across the ultimatum: Me or Them.

And don't let ultimatums scare you. They come from people in a position of fear. Every person that's ever offered me an ultimatum has lost. Who do you love more? Who would you rather have in your life?

If it comes to that, don't be surprised. But, for your sake, I hope it doesn't come to that.

OG

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-12-2008 08:31 PM

I think it's a classic case of your "best friend" thinks that your boyfriend is in her way, she's jealous.

I assume you two partied like it was 1999 until he came along.

Now your busy and don't have as much time for her. So, when you two argue it's a case of "here's my chance, maybe she'll leave him"...

And, she obviously shows her dislike to him so he doesn't like her. Also if she is a bit of a wild card, he may also not want you to be around her so much as she is not with a guy, may flirt a lot and your next to her. Guys can be like that, you sound young.

The only way to solve it is tell her not to be obsessive, that she is your "besty" and that your boyfriend is just as important, only he's a male.

See whether you can work out a date scheme of lunch together once a week, phone calls etc, and if she realises that she hasn't lost her friend, she may warm more to him.

You need to ask him as well though, why he doesn't like her and see what it is he doesn't like and see if you can see it from his side as well.

When your in a relationship the "girlfriends" that were / are single start to just get out and do their thing as you have someone.

It's your job to keep in touch with all of them and make them feel that your still friends, even in a relationship. Those other friends probably have lost touch with you as you have with them.

If your boyfriend has caused them all to leave then he is possessive and you have to think about that. As boyfriends come and go, friends usually if real stay for ever.

CW

**Fire(m)** · 08-12-2008 08:35 PM

Maybe she has a point. Why are you fighting with your boyfriend all the time? Do you believe that indicates you're having a successful relationship? Maybe you ought to get a different boyfriend that your best friend would like.

Also, I have to ask. Please don't think I'm being rude, but I'm really curious. When you spell "wit" or "fite" or "dat" or "den" or "usta", is that just being "cute"? If it's being cute, then ok, I guess, but honestly, just to me maybe, it doesn't appear that you are intelligent. You might be the smartest girl in the world. For all I know, you're a genius, but that comes across as being uneducated. As long as that's how you intend to come across...I'm all fine with it. I hope you don't actually write that way if you're expecting to hold a job though. I would like to know what your intent is with the way you write however (sorry, just morbid curiosity). I hope you understand what I wrote.

Cheers.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-12-2008 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by Fire(m)

Maybe she has a point. Why are you fighting with your boyfriend all the time? Do you believe that indicates you're having a successful relationship? Maybe you ought to get a different boyfriend that your best friend would like.

Also, I have to ask. Please don't think I'm being rude, but I'm really curious. When you spell "wit" or "fite" or "dat" or "den" or "usta", is that just being "cute"? If it's being cute, then ok, I guess, but honestly, just to me maybe, it doesn't appear that you are intelligent. You might be the smartest girl in the world. For all I know, you're a genius, but that comes across as being uneducated. As long as that's how you intend to come across...I'm all fine with it. I hope you don't actually write that way if you're expecting to hold a job though. I would like to know what your intent is with the way you write however (sorry, just morbid curiosity). I hope you understand what I wrote.

Cheers.

I agree there that fighting is no good for a relationship so young as well.

As for fite, dat, den, usta, I think Little is the expert there, different parts of America and how they grew up, speak... It's hard to understand sometimes. Often when pointed out the person changes the text in understanding.. It's just the way they are bought up...

CW

**Fire(m)** · 08-12-2008 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

As for fite, dat, den, usta, I think Little is the expert there, different parts of America and how they grew up, speak... It's hard to understand sometimes. Often when pointed out the person changes the text in understanding.. It's just the way they are bought up...

CW

Evening CW! I do understand how people speak. No issue there. I actually find it somewhat entertaining to speak with people who talk like that. I have lived all over this country and have been in many others, and I enjoy melting my accent/language to fit in with the people I am with at the time (to some extent). My comments are much more geared to does this individual believe that this is a great way to WRITE to come off as intelligent?

Hope I din't gr8 on ur nervz.
Cheerz.

leelee...if you'll forgive me for talking like I come from New Jersey, then I'll overlook your spelling indescretion. Hope I didn't hurt your feelings by my comments, it is just my attempt to guide you in a way that I think you may be more successful in communicating to a group of people who generally don't write exactly like you do. Not a put-down by any means, just an offer of guidance.

Cheers.

**leelee** · 08-13-2008 05:18 AM

tank you so much for helpin...
i will talk to the both of dem...
an me an my boyfriend dont fite anymore we didnt fite in about 2months an like even doh we usta fite dey wornt bad like my best friend just usta make dem seem worse den wat dey wer....
yea wel i do alot of textin an im just usta ritein everytin short...lol
tanx again

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-13-2008 05:35 AM

Originally Posted by leelee

tank you so much for helpin...
i will talk to the both of dem...
an me an my boyfriend dont fite anymore we didnt fite in about 2months an like even doh we usta fite dey wornt bad like my best friend just usta make dem seem worse den wat dey wer....
yea wel i do alot of textin an im just usta ritein everytin short...lol
tanx again

Glad you saw the humr sd of thgs... Bt so hrd to rd all tat... W?

If you don't fight anymore then good. If your friend feels left out then talk to her, and your others that no longer speak with you... The rest i got lost and can't read except for the textin an im just usta ritein everythin short. lol.

Good luck

**Livelaughlove** · 08-13-2008 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by leelee

ok i have been goin out wit my boyfriend for 6months...
my best friend never liked him an whenever me an him got in a fite she would just tell me to break up wit him....
then one night she was stayin over in mine an i got in to a hugh fite with my boyfriend because he said he hates me been around her....we sorted it ou but me an her dont talk dat much anymore i havent been with her since den an all the girls i usta be wit seem to have all gone.... so its just me an my boyfriend an some of his friends.... is there anyway i could get them to like eachoder...
please help

Wow... This was really hard to read. Leelee I'm assuming from your piece above that your rather young maybe around 18. For your sake and the sake of others please use spell check for your posts. haha

Onto the subject. Unfortunately talking to either one wont do much for your situation because you dont really know whats causing it. Which will just waste your energy arguing a point that you really cant make. If you are young and assuming your boyfriend is around your same age. There are insecurity problems that are causing the fighting between yourself, your boyfriend, and the girlfriend.

If your boyfriend is insecure then he will tell you to stay away from your friends because he wants to occupy all your time in fear of you being influenced by your friends. So what he did was exile you from your group and then introduce his friends so you dont feel so alone.

I think you should really mend the situation with your friends. If you and your boyfriend break up then your going to be desperate to keep him because you have no support group. Which in turn will make him treat you worse because he subconsciously knows that you dont have any options.

You need to make a stand and tell your boyfriend that you dont really talk about him to your girlfriend's. Which will settle the (your friends are talking bad about him to you) argument. Tell him that you need your old friends. He may be upset at you at first but he will get over it trust me.

Your old friends may be mad at you at first but tell them that you made a mistake and that you would like them forgive you. Tell them that they are equally as important to you as your boyfriend just in a different way

Let us know how it goes.

Hope this helps
Live laugh and love

Originally Posted by leelee

tank you so much for helpin...
i will talk to the both of dem...
an me an my boyfriend dont fite anymore we didnt fite in about 2months an like even doh we usta fite dey wornt bad like my best friend just usta make dem seem worse den wat dey wer....
yea wel i do alot of textin an im just usta ritein everytin short...lol
tanx again

You started this post yesterday are you in some twilight zone or something. lol You started the post because there was something in your life that was bothering you. I dont think it can be solved in less then 24 hours.

You really shouldn't place blame on one group. It takes two to make an argument. For you to solve it you have to mediate and understand both points of view.

hope this helps
Live laugh and love

**OG612** · 08-13-2008 05:25 PM

L3

If you look a little closer, Leelee said she and her boyfriend haven't had a fight in two months. But she recently had a row with her girlfriend and thinks she's gone for good. Things have been mended between her and her beau, but not with her gal pal.

She's working on bridging the gap between the two and seeing how it plays out. But in order for her to understand the rift between her best friend and her boyfriend, she needs to talk to both of them and see why they don't like each other. Meditating won't solve this problem. She needs to get to the root of the problem and take care of it from there. And, from the sound of her last post, that's what she's doing.

OG

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