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Thread: Celibacy

  1. #1
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    Default Celibacy


    I'v been celibate for the last five years, (by choice) no kissing, touching etc.. with anyone. I just recently meet this man at a party, seems nice had small talk while there, he later asked to take me out for dinner. After a few conversation over the phone we went out for a little met and greet to get to know one another. We both stated we are not looking for any type of relatiohship as of now and yes the topic of sex came into play. I made him aware that I am celibate, he states that he is fine with that. We still talk on occasions, the sex topic still comes into play, so of course the more we talk about it the more I am starting to change my mind about still being celibate. He did state that he would like to have sex with me (only sex), and he states he is not trying to make me change my mind in anyway but if I should, he wants it to be with him. My dilemma is that I maybe having some feeling towards this person and thinking about having sex with him.

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    May 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array anonymouswhitefemale's Avatar
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    Well, I guess the first question is why are you celibate?

    If you feel for someone and feel like you want to have sex, then there's nothing wrong with it in my book.

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    Hi sierrawas,

    Welcome to the forum. This is your place, and I'm a visitor here, but maybe I can offer a little help to you. When you began your celibacy 5 years ago, you probably didn't put any kind of time frame on it. In other words, you probably thought "I'll be celibate until the time is right for me to reconsider".

    Sounds like you might be reconsidering now. You know, people have so much pressure today. Pressure from work, from family life, from friends and society etc. Sometimes we put the pressure on ourselves. Sometimes it's unintentional...a side effect of a plan designed by ourselves to protect ourselves (maybe even from ourselves).

    Your celibacy plan sounds great and well thought out. Not only that but you've been faithful in your execution of it. I'm just getting the impression that while this plan has served you well, maybe the time has come to move on to a different phase in your life. Maybe not. In any event, you should embrace your growth, and your newfound friendship in this guy. If he's that interesting to you and you feel like he is someone you're really wanting to be with, then you shouldn't feel like you're "giving up" being celibate, but you should celebrate the fact that you've held off doing anything until the time was really right and now it is.

    You seem like a very intelligent lady. Make sure that you allow yourself to truly be happy! Whether that means being celibate or not!

    Cheers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sierrawas View Post
    I'v been celibate for the last five years, (by choice) no kissing, touching etc.. with anyone. I just recently meet this man at a party, seems nice had small talk while there, he later asked to take me out for dinner. After a few conversation over the phone we went out for a little met and greet to get to know one another. We both stated we are not looking for any type of relatiohship as of now and yes the topic of sex came into play. I made him aware that I am celibate, he states that he is fine with that. We still talk on occasions, the sex topic still comes into play, so of course the more we talk about it the more I am starting to change my mind about still being celibate. He did state that he would like to have sex with me (only sex), and he states he is not trying to make me change my mind in anyway but if I should, he wants it to be with him. My dilemma is that I maybe having some feeling towards this person and thinking about having sex with him.
    I you want to remain celibate, you'll need to pull out soon.
    Otherwise, if you two are attracted to each other, it's just a matter of time. Make sure you have protection ahead of time just in case.

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array owlhunter's Avatar
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    Fire(m) speaks wise words! Read them carefully.

    If YOU feel like going ahead with sex and are comefortable with your partner then go ahead. Go at your pace, nobody elses.

    If it turns out to not be what you wanted, well, then you will be a little older and a little smarter and can return to being celibate if you choose.

    Good luck, be careful, and do what YOU want to do.

    Owl.

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Sierrawas

    He did state that he would like to have sex with me (only sex),
    and he states he is not trying to make me change my mind in anyway but if I should, he wants it to be with him.
    My dilemma is that I maybe having some feeling towards this person and thinking about having sex with him.

    Spanner in the works sorry.

    I do agree with the posters, if your ready for 'SEX' only and why not, you should be enjoying yourself, you shouldn't be sitting back for that long and waiting for Mr Right to come a long.

    But, look at what I have highlighted?

    He wants sex only? Is that what you are saying

    And, if you want to he WANTS it to be with him? Off course, what man wouldn't 5 years, and be the "first"

    But, you are developing feelings for him? But, he only wants Sex?

    That is what I am concerned about, if that is what you are saying and you have feelings for him but he has said clearly he only wants sex and wants to be the one, be careful of this call okay...your emotions will attach immediately you will want to see him more and more and fall in love, but if he is only there for sex, and has told you this you will get hurt.

    But, if that is not what you are saying, then correct me, because that is what i just read.
    PUT A LITTLE LIGHT IN MY SOUL!

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    December 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array miffed23's Avatar
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    Yep, im with CW. I was wondering why nobody else had noticed the 'he only wants sex' line.

    Sounds to me like youre a challenge to him. Sorry.
    “As you regonise that you already own the wholeness you seek, and no one outside you can give you more than you already are, dysfunctional situations will evaporate like bad dreams exposed to the morning sun.”

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    Thank you Fire (m) for your comment, yes there were pressures in my life i.e. (1) working 9-5, (2) taking night courses to further my education, (3) studing on weekens, which made me neglect my own personal needs as well. To chandlerwish: thank you. I did suggest to him that maybe I should have random sex with someone else when I'm away on Holiday to decipher if it's just lust that I have for him, again he would prefer if he could be my first. So the answer to Miffed 23 question is yes, I am a challenge for him.

    I asked him when was the last time he had sex, he states a month ago give or take a week. I also asked why, he states that he has not found anyone he would like to be with. I then stated that maybe he should not wait for me to make up my mind about having sex with him. He did not reply to my last question but stated he would call me back. Was I wrong in asking him to move on and not wait for me.

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    I think he answer should have been, Carol (made up name) I am very interested in you and not just for sex, you as a person.. I said i haven't found anyone I want to be with, I will wait.

    To say I'll call you back, your still in my opinion a "challenge" that he wants to conquor.

    So, if this guy really likes you again, he shouldn't be saying " i prefer to be your first" she should be saying, i wouldn't like it to be honest, but if that is what you want to do.

    It keeps saying "me, me, me," ...

    He is also stating that he had sex a month ago, you ask why he says because he hasn't found "the one", basically so sex is fine, let's just have sex give a ... and move on, as that is what he did a month ago, had sex and moved on...

    But, no where is he saying your just what i have been looking for...

    Don't know it smells fishy to me, he does.

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE LIGHT IN MY SOUL!

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    After a few more converstions with him, he still states if I'm ready to have sex with him yet, and as of now my answer is no. I not sure if he is beginning to have more than just a sexual challenge for me or is he having feeling for me as partner instead. I'm I just wishing. What am I waiting for, I should just get it over with and see where it leads and not dwell on the what if's.

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