Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaKate
I too am scared by sex. I started sleeping with guys when i was 16 years old, the first time was a drunken mistake and now looking back on it i felt like i was forced into it.
In total i have slept with 11 guys none of them have been someone i knew well, and 99% of the time i was drunk.
Yes, i can see everyone thinking 'what a slag' but honestly i'm not, i have had issues and was very lonely at the time & wanted to be loved. which never happened.
I'm now 25 and see all my friends getting married having children and i have never had a relationship because I'm so scared of sex, i hate the thought now of someone seeing my naked and touching me, it makes me feel sick thinking about it as I'm overweight and hate everything about myself.
Every time I meet someone who takes an interest I freak out after the first few dates as i know soon it will lead to sex and it scares the life out me.
A recent incident, I was getting to know a mate quite well and we started kissing and he said how much he wanted to be with me, I basically went stiff and would not let him near me, I can't express my feelings to my mates so have no one to talk to about it.
I think if i can't get over this, what is the point of being alive when I'm going to be alone forever.
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Hi AnnaKate.
Welcome to the Forum, glad that you are expressing and no, we do things for reasons sometimes, so no one thinks you are anything, let's get that clear.
If you think about what you have said here, you are clearly showing the reason why you are petrified of having sex, why you feel that way about your body, and why you can not get intimate.
Each time you did have sex, you were drunk, if not every time, i would guess nearly.. And, the first encounter you were taken advantage of, you can see that now, and therefore it was without consent.
You felt that giving your body would give out love, but did not get that in return, more than likely that was the only time with each of them, or else if it continued, then you were used.
That is your doing, yes.. But, for the reasons of you feeling that you desperately needed to feel loved... Those guys had to have shown affection first, talking nicely to you, kissing you, affection and the sex is the end result.
You are 25, (forget what your friends are doing that is not important), and you don't want things to continue this way, so now you've completely shut your body down sexually, totally, to the point where you fear sex so much that no guy will have a chance building a relationship.
What you need to understand is that not every guy wants sex.. Well off course he does, but, the guy you want is one that will love you, hold you, laugh with you, be with you, unconditionally and WAIT until you are ready for sex, as boyfriend and girlfriend.
What you need to do is realise this and admire your body, PAST IS PAST you had your reasons.
Now you are in the PRESENT. So, now look at it all differently.
Tell yourself, I want a boyfriend, he will find me I won't look.
I want him to want me for me.
I will not give sexually until I know that he wants me for me.
When I do it will finally be with love as I will love him, and him me.
It will beyond my dreams as it will be real.
If any man tries, and doesn't take no, i wish to wait, for an answer he's history, until that man comes along that will wait for me.
And, trust me, if you write this down and read it every day, every week, you will believe this yourself and you will show that air about yourself that speaks beauty and you will therefore attract the right men into your life and you WILL end up with exactly that.
Can you give that a go?
What do you have to lose?
CW