Fear of getting pregnant interfering with sex life

**KatieInRed** · 09-07-2008 08:46 PM

Just to start off - I have a very healthy sexual relationship and sex life. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and we are both very open to new things - if it's not illegal or absurdly dangerous then we have probably tried it. The only problem that I have that seems to frustrate our sex life is a fear of pregnancy. I currently use an IUD (Mirena, specifically) for protection (I was on the pill until a few months ago when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure) but I also always insist we use a condom. My bf has absolutely no problem with this and never ever complains, but from the couple of times when we've foregone the extra protection, I know two things: one, that I enjoy sex a million times more without a condom, and two, that I then spend the next month in a panic. I have no concerns about sexually transmitted diseases given the length and nature of our relationship, but I have no desire to have children currently if ever (I'm 21, so who knows how I may feel in five or ten years). I have no one in real life to discuss this with, as most of the women I know are very squeamish about talking about sex (in high school I once casually brought up the topic of masturbation, not realizing it wasn't something everyone did, and was shunned for the rest of the year) so I'm not sure if my fears are justified or if they're something I should be trying to overcome. I know that no contraceptive is 100% effective, but then again, neither are condoms. However, it also doesn't work to have me in an absolute panic every time I have condomless sex. Any suggestions on how to get over this fear? (Or, if I'm actually being quite sensible, ways to emulate the feeling of condom-free sex while still having the comfort of the extra protection?)
(PS I'm new here, so please be kind!)

**myteddy14me** · 09-07-2008 09:13 PM

My first question would be "Are you married"? My second question would Probably be answered with the first questions answer and that is, Why are you avoiding a pregnancy, If I may ask? I guess I'm asking If you are married because If you are just let loose. If you get preggers so be it. But of course if you are dodgind that bullet than My suggestions are as posted........Basically you said it, Nothing is ever 100% clear away from pregnancy, except of course "abstenance"...But according to your sexuality thats probably not an option lol. I'd say Try having him Pull out even if He is wearing a condom.Although you might take into consideration as We all probably know Men have what is called "Pre-Cum". Just as a woman gets "wet" So do men and that is also sperm so you have to be careful. Especially when unprotected so maybe that will be some good info for you I hope I was some Help if any. TaTa♥

**KatieInRed** · 09-07-2008 09:25 PM

Hey there

To answer your questions, no, I'm not married. My reasons for not wanting to get pregnant are pretty basic - I really don't want children (like I said, that could change, but that's currently how I feel.) I'm in my third year of my undergrad degree and between grad and law school I have another 4-6 years of school, which would be pretty devastated by a child. I don't really care one way or another about pregnancy out of wedlock, so even if we were married my feelings would be the same. It's odd, because most of my friends seem to be at a point in their lives where their biological clocks are screaming, but the idea of having children freaks me out and bothers me. I don't tend to worry too much when we use a condom, but I would probably worry just as much if he pulled out, as, like you mentioned, pre-cum contains sperm too. Thanks for your reply though

(ps I have to head to bed as I have class in the morning, so I will see any other responses when I wake up!)

**WildChild** · 09-08-2008 08:10 AM

I had an IUD for years and no unwanted pregnancies. They are pretty good protection and no muss no fuss. Talk to your doctor or nurse practitioner about this. There are some that have a little added hormone to increase the protection but women have used them for a long time without and that is part of their popularity, they don't mess up your body chemistry. Do some research and put your mind at ease, it's far better protection than a condom for pregnancy!

**myteddy14me** · 09-08-2008 08:19 AM

I agree with WildChild. Look into it and put your mind at ease. Good luck in School and all Else!!!

**silvertae** · 09-09-2008 06:51 AM

Current research actually shows that precum does not contain any sperm. The only chance of there being sperm in it is if the man ejaculates once and then does not urinate before becoming aroused again. In that case there can be residual sperm in the urethra that could be flushed out with the precum. Otherwise, as long as he urinates after ejaculation, the urine flushes out and kills any remaining sperm, leaving the urethra clear of sperm until the next ejaculation. So when precum is emitted in that case, it is merely a lubricant that preps the urethra for the sperm that will come later when he ejaculates.

As for your panic over pregnancy all I can suggest is educating yourself to the best of your ability about the risks of your birth control methods and forming a clear backup plan if you should become pregnant. Discuss with your partner whether you would keep the child, give it up for adoption, or abort. Having a set plan will make you feel better. If you are against any option other than keeping it yourself then your concerns will no doubt be greater. But sex always involves such risks. Generally you just have to accept and reconcile yourself to that fact, as there's no use in getting into a panic about something when you are doing everything in your power to prevent it.

For making sex with condoms better...you should try a wide variety of condoms out there. Polyurethane condoms are thinner and transmit heat better so you might like those. There are loads of other brands and types that I'm sure you've never even heard of before. Just do a google search and I'm sure you'll get loads of options. Some condoms are just way better than others. I think trojans are nasty for example but don't mind durex as much.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 09-09-2008 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by silvertae

Current research actually shows that precum does not contain any sperm. The only chance of there being sperm in it is if the man ejaculates once and then does not urinate before becoming aroused again. In that case there can be residual sperm in the urethra that could be flushed out with the precum. Otherwise, as long as he urinates after ejaculation, the urine flushes out and kills any remaining sperm, leaving the urethra clear of sperm until the next ejaculation. So when precum is emitted in that case, it is merely a lubricant that preps the urethra for the sperm that will come later when he ejaculates.

Really? That's interesting. It was hammered into us at school pretty well that the 'pull out' method resulted in babies. Maybe they just say that for guys that have trouble controlling their orgasms... Hmmm, maybe I'll get to throw my condoms away after all.

But really how can they say NONE? That's quite a bold statement. Absolutely zero sperm or just barely any?

**silvertae** · 09-09-2008 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Really? That's interesting. It was hammered into us at school pretty well that the 'pull out' method resulted in babies. Maybe they just say that for guys that have trouble controlling their orgasms... Hmmm, maybe I'll get to throw my condoms away after all.

But really how can they say NONE? That's quite a bold statement. Absolutely zero sperm or just barely any?

I probably wouldn't rely on withdrawal as my only birth control method regardless because of the risks of the guy not withdrawing in time, etc. But there are people who do rely on it. I also probably wouldn't rely on just one urination to completely flush out any remaining sperm from a previous ejaculation. But the science states that the fluid itself contains no sperm. So if you haven't ejaculated in a few days and have urinated then you should be free and clear of any sperm in the urethra.

Google "precum sperm" and you should get the relevant data with a bit of digging.

**Foreverme25** · 09-12-2008 04:55 AM

I also use an IUD (ParaGaurd). I was using the NuvaRing but the hormones in it set off my migraines, so I went with the non hormonal option. At any rate, IUD's are supposed to be one of the best forms of birth control. I have been using the IUD for 4 months now and I dont even think about getting pregnant. I am excited about not having to think about it for 10 years. I think you can relax and know that there is a very slim chance that you could get pregnant while using the IUD. Even if you did it probably wouldn't last simply because of the design of the birth control. You are even using the hormonal IUD, did you get this paranoid while using the pill? I say relax and enjoy. BTW I'm with you on the condom issue, they suck, it feels so much better without. Good Luck!

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Hi there♥ KatieInRed

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