Getting Past the "Eww" of Oral

**Free Bird** · 09-08-2008 02:02 AM

I began dating a girl only to find out she was uncomfortable with giving head, and had never done it before. I enjoy going down South mainly to show off—kidding, well, half-kidding. I do it because I enjoy giving pleasure. After numerous times without reciprocation, I decided (to myself) that I would give three months or the relationship wouldn't work. It is a big deal, after all.

Well, it's been two years . Still nada. Apparently she has somewhat of a gag reflex and the idea of the fluid is an instant trigger. She expresses that she wants to do it.

My best idea beyond encouragement and talks was buying her a penis lollipop to get comfortable with the act. Which had a terrible flavor, she said, and it found itself in the garbage.

My question is: Has anyone here had the "ickies" over giving fellatio? If so, how did you become comfortable with it?

I hate to say it, but the absence of this thing has taken its toll over two years. In terms of sex, I've long reached a point where I don't care anymore. I can go without. That... I never thought possible.

I appreciate any advice or furthering of my understanding.

**Muskitos** · 09-08-2008 03:49 AM

Hi,

Yes I have had the ickies over giving oral because I thought I had to take his whole thing in my mouth, whitch is nearly impossible in most of the cases AND I believed I had to swallow it, whitch I did not want to.

Actually I never dared to tell my partner that, so I guess he kept on wishing and I did not do anything about it simply because I could not bear the thought.

Now, being older and wiser (as a matter of fact a LOT older but only a little wiser

)
I have had serveral partners with whom I could communicate about the oral and who did not expect me to swallow or take the whole bit in my mouth.

I started with just licking around the shaft: I felt very "safe" with that!

I suggest you talk with your girlfriend and take away her fears, suggest she starts with a little step, no expectation from your side except being pleasured by her.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 09-08-2008 04:48 AM

Bummer.... should have stuck with the three months before you got too emotionally invested.

As for how to persuade her... others will give advice. However, do you really want to be in a sexually stunted relationship. In my opinion, since you haven't got there in two years nothing is happening on that front. And blowjobs from a woman who isn't enjoying it are rubbish anyway.

**WildChild** · 09-08-2008 08:02 AM

Here's a few questions: Why are you still in the relationship? You say you've reached the point that you don't care about sex anymore, so what else works so well in the relationship that you stay? Sex is a major source of shared pleasure in life. You state you she expresses she wants to. What has happened when she tried?

I suppose it's an aquired taste, but your diet is a big factor. You can google a bunch of info on that. Cleanliness is important. Have you really talked about the mechanics, that she doesn't have to do a remake of deep throat? Do you commit the cardinal oral sin of grabbing her head and trying to be in control? Can she give you a hand job? That could be a start, I like to finish it off sucking but my guess is she wouldn't. Most of us women find penises a bit baffling. We understand that they are very sensitive, although they have half the nerves our clits do, yet when you guys get going you don't seem so very sensitive. It's hard for women to get what the parameters are, which is why you need to talk her through it - probably many times. In his book Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, John Gray gives some pretty good instruction that she might be able to handle. I never had the "ickies" but was hesitant because I didn't feel competent. Every man is different, just as every woman is, so each is a learning experience.

How does she feel about you going down on her? Any "ickies" there? Is she squeemish about anything else? Can you use oral on either of you as part of foreplay, without you cumming? That might help her build up to it. Oral is purely an emotional pleasure for the giver. A woman can cum from oral and go on to enjoy intercourse all the more, but you men after your 20s are pretty much dead in the water, at least for a while, after you cum. Could she be afraid of being left out? Lots of questions but communication is the biggie on this.

**rcoreyus** · 09-08-2008 04:24 PM

Some people never get used to it. My wife has done it I think 3 times in the last 25 years. Too bad, I really enjoy both giving and receiving - but looks like I only get to give.

So - don't assume that she will ever change her mind.

**Dalyarogue** · 09-08-2008 08:21 PM

I don't know exactly why she thinks its icky. But if she doesn't like the idea of putting it in her mouth because maybe she has it in the back of her mind that its dirty (just in her mind! =P). You guys could try it in the shower. Ease into it, let her lick it a bit. Then she could put her mouth around the tip. Let her clean it for you and then she could do it. Whatever helps. My gag reflex, while not as strong, was there and i had to work around it. Not judging or anything but more giving than receiving is a big relationship killer, and you should let her know if you haven't already. =)

**courtney** · 09-08-2008 08:52 PM

hello! If your girlfriend want to learn, then learn together. Check this book out: Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex by Marcy Micheals. Find some material on it that both of you can learn from. I do feel that you have let this go way too far and should have fixed it a long time ago but there is always time to make it better.

I don't know that anyone is great at giving head the first FEW times. And then it all depends on the receiver and what he likes. A woman can't use the same tricks, my ex husband had a rule of using no hands, while my ex boyfriend wanted me to use hands a lot. I have a couple exes.... haha. Anyways, you have to make her comfortable, if she can't take all of you in her mouth, let her know that it's okay. In time, with practice, she will get better or find something totally different that makes it worth her effort. Even if she just spends a couple minutes, as foreplay.

As noted in a previous post, diet plays a big part. Eat pineapples! Not beer or garlic. Drink lots of water, all of this makes a difference.

I'm going through a similar issue. My guy doesn't want me to go down on him and he never gave the opportunity to try. Imagine that... I didn't know there was such a thing.

I hope this helps.

**bbpgurl_michelle** · 09-08-2008 09:52 PM

I do not like doing it myself, but I do. my home party company sells ALOT of oral enhancers to make oral sex a lot better for someone who doesn't like doing it. my recommendations are:
tasty twist buttercream icing(tastes like birthday cake)
sex tarts grape soda( good if u don't like sweet stuff)

**shweedart** · 09-09-2008 04:19 PM

Flavored condoms could be good or get some flavored lubes or something specially designed for oral...for instance I recently bought 'Cherry lick' and 'strawberries and champagne d*** lick'

She doesn't have to deep throat you to give good head! licking, sucking, hand movements, ball rubbing etc...

**WildChild** · 09-09-2008 11:17 PM

Well Shweedart's post brought a few more ideas; chocolate sauce, whipped cream (our local farmer's market sells several flavors), mints, strawberry sauce, I bet even A-1 sauce would be interesting. Be dessert, let her lick you clean. That may be less intimidating and more fun than her just trying to go down on you. You try diluted essential oils such a peppermint or rum flavor. Don't use those full strength, they could be irritating. Have fun with it.

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