Thread: Please help me with my wife

Our moderator, Chandler is right, we women can shut down sexually for a variety of reasons, most emotional. First off she should get a full physical, that should be a regular thing anyway, but hormones, menopause coming up, there are a lot of possiblities. The idea that one is too tired for sex is arre, for women it's usually energizing. Most likely it's in her head. The idea of a good heart to heart is sound, some counseling isn't a bad idea either. You might want to read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus to get a better handle on how women think and communicate. There is something she either hasn't told you or you haven't heard.

Give the missionary position a rest, try doing little things for her without any expectation of sex. A shoulder rub, flowers, something around the house she's wanted done that's been put off. Lots of hugs, a squeeze of the hand driving in the car, a sincere compliment (not a back door one like - that looks better than what you wore yesterday) When she talks, listen. You don't have to jump in to solve her problems, just listen. Women are mostly verbal processors, we need to talk our way through things. From start to finish we may end up in different places but that's how we do it. Respect that. This may take some time, you guys can turn it on and off faster than most of us can. Think of spending two weeks or months in foreplay and 90% of that won't involve touching her, at least not sexually.

In the meantime you should work on yourself too. Honestly, how is your hygene? Do you floss and brush, do you get dressed every morning (and not sloppy sweats)? How about eating habits? Do you sit at the table with crud in your beard, belly sticking out, shoveling the food like it's your last meal? Do you moan and groan and complain about your back and tell her how she can't imagine how awful you feel? Do you drive aggresively and keep up a running commentary about the idiots on the road? Honestly look at your attitudes and behavior. Sometimes after an illness or change in health people become self focused or a spouse who has had to be a caregiver simply burns out or loses patience. It's going to take some effort to turn this around and to keep it from happening again. Check out some of the resources that have been recommeded on here on other threads, learning new things never hurts.